To leave second job

[Onthedowns]

So I have a part time job working 19 hrs a week in emergency services been there nearly 14 years. Flexible good pension etc.

After I had my son I took a second job waitressing after I went back to primary job when he was 12 months old. I generally do shifts at the weekend a week. Both evenings to help with childcare as my husband is home.

Both my children are now in primary school. I have two days 'off' a week.

I am being investigated for being perimenopausal and I also have a bladder related long term condition diagnosed over 8 years ago for which i receive monthly hospital treatment.

Waitressing job was and has paid for the extras like holiday spending, trips for children etc on paper we can manage without.

Obviously there are tips but over the past two years these are declining and because i get taxed on this job i bring home between 200 250 a month depending on hours.

Now with my health problems and also just having enough of doing this job now for nearly 6 years. Obviously hospitality is cutthroat and never received any benefits except staff discount. Management are awful no empathy or allowances for my DDA illness. Rota changes etc zero hours contract

I am scheduled to work Christmas day this year and i think it's tipped me over the edge so after a discussion with DH we agreed to hand my notice in

However we are now having blazing rows as he is worried about money. On paper we can manage just need to cut back on things. He says i need to be doing more hours than 19 a week. With January coming we will be using savings etc to pay for Christmas. He basically doesn't want me to leave despite not wanting me to work Christmas day - this will be from 1045 till about 7pm.

He doesn't understand i cannot get out of working this day but equally with my health and mental health i have just had enough.

I have applied for another bank job but in an office and there is always overtime at my primary job. I do all the household tasks etc cooking cleaning sorting kids. He helps with drop offs etc.

We cannot keep rowing whose being unreasonable?

Sounds like you actually have 3 jobs, a five and 10 year old are a job. He needs to get real and share your pain a little. Bin the hospitality job, have a great Xmas, then start again

I understand his concern as we are used to a level of spending but i feel like the onus is me to earn more money when i have currently 2 Health conditions to get on top off.

In contrast i don't nag him to change his role he's been in for 6 years and get a better paid one. He doesn't work extremely long hours and will help with school picks ups and drop offs when he is working from home sometimes 3 days a week. He has a very stressful busy job so i appreciate that.

I also appreciate its not the 19 50s and men shouldn't have to be sole earners but the hospitality job is becoming really stressful and yes especially with covid in winter. Its relentless minimum wage not much return back ie thanks

Bin the 2nd job and pickup some overtime in your primary job, it’s a no brainer, eve if you don’t make the equivalent of your second job you’ll be down some money, not all, while giving you a chance to get on top of your health conditions, this should not even be an issue, your husband should be encouraging you to get well

@Ineedmysay

Bin the 2nd job and pickup some overtime in your primary job, it’s a no brainer, eve if you don’t make the equivalent of your second job you’ll be down some money, not all, while giving you a chance to get on top of your health conditions, this should not even be an issue, your husband should be encouraging you to get well

It feels this is the right thing to do currently. Gratuities are not what they were which is what he thinks of as extra money but i never rely on these they aren't guaranteed and what i make is taken away in tax. So essentially working anti social now stressful hours for minimum wage

He needs to pull his weight at home. In this waitressing job could you not make it less of a regular thing and more filling in when they're short staffed. Otherwise its a few more hours in your main job.

Could you delay handing your notice in for a couple of weeks or date your resignation just prior to Christmas so you can have it off but also still receive some wages for December I.e leave on the 20th but then agree to start looking for something new in January?

@Happyfeet1972

Could you delay handing your notice in for a couple of weeks or date your resignation just prior to Christmas so you can have it off but also still receive some wages for December I.e leave on the 20th but then agree to start looking for something new in January?

I have to give a week's notice so due to being paid monthly i will get one payday with my last lot of worked hours next week then i am owed holiday which i would get in next pay day in 4 weeks. I didn't want to leave them right in the pooh with only a few days notice for cover Christmas day

@Viviennemary

He needs to pull his weight at home. In this waitressing job could you not make it less of a regular thing and more filling in when they're short staffed. Otherwise its a few more hours in your main job.

Unfortunately due to management i don't think they would like this especially the not working at Christmas as its key dates.

Definitely bin the hospitality job.

Then have a rest for Christmas, and in the New Year start looking at either increasing first job hours, or looking for something different.

You could use this as a chance to think about different working arrangements, and to discuss how household/child tasks are sorted between you and OH.

You keep saying he 'helps'. They are his children too.

As in, it needs to be more equal. A d saying you are lazy when you have 2 jobs? What kind of crap is that!!!

@Lifewith

As in, it needs to be more equal. A d saying you are lazy when you have 2 jobs? What kind of crap is that!!!

It's very hard but i know what you mean. I guess as I have always worked part time but with two jobs i have taken on the household tasks. DH still plays football at the weekends so Sundays are a right off with my job. I generally pick up the slack if kids are ill etc with work which i have stated needs to change

@HarrisonStickle

Definitely bin the hospitality job.

Then have a rest for Christmas, and in the New Year start looking at either increasing first job hours, or looking for something different.

You could use this as a chance to think about different working arrangements, and to discuss how household/child tasks are sorted between you and OH.

These are me thoughts definitely also with covid ramping up. I can work from home partially in primary job and its pretty full on with bookings the next few weeks

I don’t really understand why you took a second job that must surely pay less than your primary job? Surely the answer is to add an extra day to that and resign from waitressing.?

@Divebar2021

I don’t really understand why you took a second job that must surely pay less than your primary job? Surely the answer is to add an extra day to that and resign from waitressing.?

At the time we had just moved to a bigger house and needed a bit more income towards house renovations. Instead of me paying more nursery fees i took job for evenings when children are and were generally in bed. DH was home no extra costs

If both jobs are evenings and the kids are now in school, could you talk to your primary job and see if there are any shifts during the day, within school hours you could pick up or is the overtime only available at night due to unsociable hours? It sounds like it's a good place to work so if there was a way to increase your hours permanently but still fit in around childcare that would be the easiest solution for you. Don't ask, you don't get.

Also, as an aside, your tax should even itself out over the year and assuming you're not highly paid for both positions you should be getting some of the higher rate tax on the second job back through your tax code when they look at your total earnings for the year. It might be worthwhile looking at your P60's for both jobs combined and recalculating your tax to make sure HMRC don't owe you anything back for the last couple of years. If they do, contact them and you might get a refund (they might also just adjust your tax code but its worthwhile because if you to get a refund it might help you get through the Christmas period without working the second job).

@ContadoraExplorer

If both jobs are evenings and the kids are now in school, could you talk to your primary job and see if there are any shifts during the day, within school hours you could pick up or is the overtime only available at night due to unsociable hours? It sounds like it's a good place to work so if there was a way to increase your hours permanently but still fit in around childcare that would be the easiest solution for you. Don't ask, you don't get.

Also, as an aside, your tax should even itself out over the year and assuming you're not highly paid for both positions you should be getting some of the higher rate tax on the second job back through your tax code when they look at your total earnings for the year. It might be worthwhile looking at your P60's for both jobs combined and recalculating your tax to make sure HMRC don't owe you anything back for the last couple of years. If they do, contact them and you might get a refund (they might also just adjust your tax code but its worthwhile because if you to get a refund it might help you get through the Christmas period without working the second job).

My primary job is during the day it's not shift work. They distributed most of my tax free allowance to this primary job. So i pay minimum tax on this. Secondary job i pay bulkb of tax you don't pay higher tax just because its a second job, same earnings limits apply. I wouldn't think i am due anything back unfortunately

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Ah I misread when you said "both evenings" as both jobs being evening. Could your primary job be done upon an evening (obviously could be wrong again but got the feeling it was 999 dispatch or something)

And I'd still check your pay for the full tax year, just in case, as despite payroll being dealt with through RTI so being pretty up to date, there is still a risk the end result is wrong (I occasionally review payroll as part of my role and its amazing how wrong HMRC can sometimes get it when it's not a straight forward one job during g the year and how many people don't properly check their pay)

Given how short staffed the hospitality industry is, there's a chance you could easily find another waiting job (especially as you have experience) with a nicer employer. You might find you can ask for a higher hourly rates so do slightly fewer hours. I've been trying to recruit a good waiter for 3 months and we are offering well above market rate, for 2 evenings and one lunchtime a week. Seriously you could name your price I reckon!

@Thunderpunt

Given how short staffed the hospitality industry is, there's a chance you could easily find another waiting job (especially as you have experience) with a nicer employer. You might find you can ask for a higher hourly rates so do slightly fewer hours. I've been trying to recruit a good waiter for 3 months and we are offering well above market rate, for 2 evenings and one lunchtime a week. Seriously you could name your price I reckon!

Possibly yes but i think i will now look after Christmas. I have over 5 years experience in a higher end restuarant not silver service but. But yes a change of management might help however i understand at moment how hard hospitality is to run. I just think after the year i had i would like Christmas off after past 5 years

We agree to disagree still and i am handing notice in next week i will work out ny shifts and look in January whilst doing some overtime.

@ContadoraExplorer

Ah I misread when you said "both evenings" as both jobs being evening. Could your primary job be done upon an evening (obviously could be wrong again but got the feeling it was 999 dispatch or something)

And I'd still check your pay for the full tax year, just in case, as despite payroll being dealt with through RTI so being pretty up to date, there is still a risk the end result is wrong (I occasionally review payroll as part of my role and its amazing how wrong HMRC can sometimes get it when it's not a straight forward one job during g the year and how many people don't properly check their pay)

I will have a look my primary job is static and I always check my payslips for second job. However iy could work the other way 😂

It sounds like you have a dh problem rather than a job problem. If his job isn't that hard , why doesn't he find an eve job? You're the one with the health issues.

It's more to do with your total earnings for the full year so your payslip might be OK based on the codes used on each one but it always pays to add up your total gross including any taxable benefits for the tax year and then use that to recalculate the total tax you should have paid. There are calculators online you can use or just write it all down and use the HMRC tax bandings to calculate what you should pay on the total (remember your £nil rate band), then compare it to what you actually paid.

@ContadoraExplorer

It's more to do with your total earnings for the full year so your payslip might be OK based on the codes used on each one but it always pays to add up your total gross including any taxable benefits for the tax year and then use that to recalculate the total tax you should have paid. There are calculators online you can use or just write it all down and use the HMRC tax bandings to calculate what you should pay on the total (remember your £nil rate band), then compare it to what you actually paid.

Thank you i will have a look into this