Keep thinking about traumatic event. What are coping mechanisms that work?

[helpmecope]

Think about the event or the person every single day. Have done for years. Sometimes i see their face in actors or I think about it when I am drinking tea or looking at a photo and then that cup or photo (or whatever else there is) and then that cup is their cup That photo is their photo.
I bought them a selection box one year to try to mend bridges. Now selection boxes belong to them and it tars every single Christmas

l need to get over it. certain actors remind me of them. Especially if they play a predatory role. I can't watch so many good films because of it or read books because there is a film.
its hard to explain.

For example. (this will be easy to explain in one example how it is effecting me daily)
Imagine 50 shades of grey.
The actors looks like the person.
So every film the main 2 actors are in have to be avoided.
All of the books have to be avoided and the next films in the series. This was hard when there were busses and billboard posters everywhere.
The book starts with her brushing her hair so now brushing my hair reminds me of this event or person
the number 50 now has to be avoided.
and the colour grey.

I've never watched or read it or even been interested in it. But now I can't brush my hair or my daughters hair, have 50 on the volume or have to turn my phone off when it hits 50.
grey was a popular colour scheme and 2 friends painted their living rooms grey. Well I can't go to their houses because it reminds me of the thing I'm trying to avoid.

It is so irrational but one actor looks like someone so now I have lost hair brushing, the number 50, the colour grey and visuts to 2 friends houses.
Now imagine another actor is in the marvel avengers series... My kid likes Iron man but .... its happening again.
or the date. or the place. They are family so sometimes Christmas, or my parents house is invaded. All of the letters of their name.

it was over 10 years ago now
and peaking.

We saw them by chance on our family holiday. I managed to block it out and I completely forgot they were even there. My dh reminded me that we bumped into them. Now that holiday has to be forgotten. All of the little trinkets or clothes we took has that person attached. They have never been to my home but over the years every thing in there has the memory or reminds me of the person.

It is getting ridiculous.
I felt so sick this morning. Hadn't slept a single wink was awake until 7 am. then up with the children.

Having a shower helps because I can feel I can clean myself and start again but it only takes until I dry my hair and need to brush it when it starts again

I actually don't brush my hair for days at a time, its pretty fine and straight so not too bad for a couple of days. I can plait it and it keeps neat for a while but I am just slowly losing everything.

I didn't think about it for the first 4 years at all, they moved away and were only mentioned occasionally. Now they are back there is a reminder in everything.

I have also heard of delayed response to trauma. In fact I've experienced it myself to an extent, where I had a phase of panic attacks a year after the death of a family member. I couldn't work out why I would be having them so long after the event itself, but it seems I'm very good at coping in the moment and pushing things to one side, yet in that case it simply couldn't be contained forever and came gushing out a year on.
I hope this fact in itself brings you some comfort and makes sense of why it may have taken 4 years for the PTSD to kick in.

You sound terribly distressed, no-one should be trying to cope with this level of stress without a lot of professional support.

Meds, talk therapy, trauma therapy....maybe they could help you?

It does seem you need to go through a GP and as has been pointed out, you need to try with your gp or find a new one. I'm not sure there's another way unless you can go private which you say you cannot.

One step at a time. Focus on problem solving around getting help from the GP. It'll be worth it. Nothing can be as hard as what you're enduring.

You can get much better and then you will.wonder how you forgot how it felt to be OK.

You've done really well expressing yourself here,and you sound brave and resilient. Could you print off this thread and deliver it asa letter to the surgery for the GP to read, and ask them to call you to arrange an appointment?

I had CBT for birth trauma, anxiety and intrusive thoughts and it changed my life. I had to wait a long time to get the therapy and nothing I did before it worked or helped. It also helped me deal with stuff I had leftover from my childhood too which I wasn't expecting it to. I have heard EMDR therapy is very good if CBT does not work for you.

I suffered a trauma 7 years ago and has much as I tried to suppress it, it kept rearing it's ugly head. It got to the point last year where it was all I could think about.
I searched for specific therapy groups related to this specific trauma and went on a waiting list.
I started having therapy and it was helping a bit but not enough to be life changing. They told me they offered hypnotherapy so I gave it a go and it honestly changed everything.

I'm no longer drowning in my trauma. I can go days without thinking about it and if it pops up, I just acknowledge that it's there and it goes again without leaving me feeling overwhelmed.

I honestly, with all my heart hope you can heal from your trauma. Please look into hypnotherapy. It has changed my life xx

@WilliamofBaskerville
desenitising the triggers
how? I have spent so long it is literally ingrained.

I read something before about exposure therapy for phobias (I don't know if it counts or is right but I couldn't articulate myself enough to even know what to Google.) And it said just go in a lift if you're scared of lifts etc. So I put the volume on the TV and lo and behold we ran into the person. it just seems so unreal
That was what sent me spiralling and eventually hospital. So I am worried. i got very paranoid and suicidal and lost my barings in reality. it feels like a slippery slope.

Could you speak to a different GP, or even switch surgeries? You can write it down or even email I believe, they will accomodate your communication wishes. They might allow your DH to call if you're with him and are happy to tell them you're there.

You can say no to an internal examination and as you had one before it is very unlikely they will ask to do another. You can ask for a chaperone (usually medical staff, but they might allow you to bring your DH or someone trusted) and they can support you in speaking and voicing your concerns.

From your post you sound like you need some form of therapy and any kind will likely help you, even if it just lets you open up to a professional. It's understandable you're worried about talking to a professional as they have let you down before, but there will be someone who can help you.

[quote helpmecope]@WilliamofBaskerville
desenitising the triggers
how? I have spent so long it is literally ingrained.

I read something before about exposure therapy for phobias (I don't know if it counts or is right but I couldn't articulate myself enough to even know what to Google.) And it said just go in a lift if you're scared of lifts etc. So I put the volume on the TV and lo and behold we ran into the person. it just seems so unreal
That was what sent me spiralling and eventually hospital. So I am worried. i got very paranoid and suicidal and lost my barings in reality. it feels like a slippery slope.[/quote]
Please don't attempt techniques like that alone again. Anything you read on here or other sites is not safe to try without professional guidance.

Hypnotherapy sounds doable.
Writing it down is bitter sweet. I am getting support and ideas my real life can't give
I havent ever been able to get results from Google before. I was trying things like 'im scared of this number' and 'i can't stand grey because it reminds me of a bad time'
I can't type the real word so I'm stuck really. and when I received help before it was being sectioned which I don't want to repeat.
I didn't even talk about the event other than saying yes to the question 'have you...' in and and e. which felt so overwhelming I almost fainted and had tunnel vision. So very physical reaction to just a question and a word. It took a good minute to even squeak out 'yes'. its hard to explain. I suppose if you get it then you get it.
So the note is a good idea.
I'm worried I am anonymous and name changed. So its not the same as coming in as Cope with my name and also my medical history just feels so personal. I will try and I will get dh to call for me.
Thanks honestly.
I really can't express how grateful I am. even the word contamination. It is so obvious.

see i just this second asked dh to call the dr for me and when he said what fo my heart just went up. sweating and I said contraception

I can't say it

my dh is depressed and going through family worries too. I can't put him through this all again. we are only just getting back to normal from the hospital.

excuses excuses i know.

I was hoping someone would comment saying 'imagine a pea and then throw it in the bin and the pea is your pain' and everything gets better to be honest.

You don't have to do anything straight away. You can take 10 minutes, days or months to ask for help, it doesn't matter. Do you think you'd feel more comfortable speaking to a charity by email or phone about your MH? It's a little more distant than a GP as in you can hang up at any time and they won't call you back, you can rant or talk or be quiet or type and you won't get asked any horrible questions. It might help you get used to talking and might help when you are ready to speak to a GP.

It will get better, you've gone through the worst bit now and now you've made attempts to get through to the good bit. You should be very proud of how far you've come. You can try the pea throwing, or writing a word down on a piece of paper and burning it/flushing it down the loo/ burying it in the garden.

It sounds like whatever happened is unresolved in your mind so it keeps repeating and escalating. You said you tried to mend bridges but I'm assuming it didn't go as you hoped so the situation has been left hanging.

To avoid a clique you need some form of closure.

That could be by talking it through with a professional to get to some verbal and psychological end point to the event or resolving it yourself in your mind.

rapecrisis.org.uk/

For any kind of sexual assault and trauma as a child or an adult - no GP referral needed

I suffered from PTSD and went to Therapy for a while. Rewind Therapy worked amazingly, I am still surprised. Completely stopped all nightmares, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts in a single rewind session, but i kept going to Therapy for months to "mantain". Please find a Therapist specialized in your "trauma type". Good luck

It doesn't sound like you're making excuses at all. Don't worry about that. There's nothing I can add to the very good advice people have given here, especially, I think, about writing a note to your GP. Just copy out what you've written here, then I hope you won't have to think too much about it, about the words you need to use. It's all here, very clear in what you have written. I wish you all the very best, you're so brave

OP. I could have written this thread.
I’m doing EMDR at the minute, on antidepressants and have weekly regular counselling for emotional support.

You know I had to reply to you because… I know it might not seem true.. but I was sexually assaulted two and a half years ago who looked like the lead actor in 50 Shades of Grey (never watched it but I’d already watched The Fall and I can’t think of a Belfast accent without thinking of the guy who did it).

I think I see him in cars.
I’m scared I’ll see him in cars.
Prosecco reminds me of him.
Gay men reminds me of him (this year I started watching Strictly for the first time and though I love the two dancers I feel sick every time I know they are about to dance).
(To explain this guy is married to a man, so I presume gay). Have absolutely no “issue” with gay people (or any group other than predators).
I can’t go to the place it happened without a rage to get me through panic.
I see his face sometimes when I’m driving.
Today I actually had a minor collision because I’m sure it’s cause I couldn’t concentrate at that second because I was thinking about what the solicitor defending his employer has done recently- guy is an NHS “hero”).

I could go on and on.

Please ask your GP for help. I pay privately for EMDR.

Please feel free to contact me directly if anything I’ve said resonated or I can help in any way.

It sounds like any mention of the event - like with your DH - sets off your alarm system, heart rate, sweating which then understandably triggers avoidance.

(Saying that sometimes trauma comes back up again precisely because you are in a position of relative safety - think soldiers who seem fine then come home and experience PTSD - because they're in a position of relative safety. Some believe it's the trauma trying to get resolved).

Anyway, what happens is when the traumatic event occurs, if it is way too scary or overwhelming for your brain to process - your amygdala fires, like your alarm system, and the hippocampus shuts down, so the memory of it (hippocampus deals with memories - archives them if you like) doesn't get archived because your alarm/amygdala has fired. So then what happens is any reminder of the event fires the alarm system again, effectively saying, omg we are here again - fight, flight or freeze, the memory doesn't get archived because the hippocampus has shut down, and round and round you go.

Alongside this are cognitive beliefs, called different things by different modalities, such as I deserved it, I made it happen, I am disgusting, and these are to do with the shame and rage which is kind of misdirected - really it belongs with the perpetrator, but sometimes if it can't go anywhere, it gets internalised. This can lead to suicidal feelings because it's a solution - get rid of the bad feelings, thoughts by ending the persons life. There can be rage mixed in there too.

But honestly, I would be your own hero OP and get in person help. Tbh if you've been sectioned recently and suicidal, I'd be very surprised if you didn't get psychotherapy on the NHS. Perhaps it's more to do with the avoidance - a part of you knows you will need to face it and it's not a pea you can throw away although there are cbt techniques like that which can help a little, so if balling it all up into a little pea and imagining throwing it away helps you, then do it.

[quote helpmecope]@WilliamofBaskerville
desenitising the triggers
how? I have spent so long it is literally ingrained.

I read something before about exposure therapy for phobias (I don't know if it counts or is right but I couldn't articulate myself enough to even know what to Google.) And it said just go in a lift if you're scared of lifts etc. So I put the volume on the TV and lo and behold we ran into the person. it just seems so unreal
That was what sent me spiralling and eventually hospital. So I am worried. i got very paranoid and suicidal and lost my barings in reality. it feels like a slippery slope.[/quote]
It's not at all like exposure therapy for phobias, sorry if I explained that badly. It's more like reprogramming your brain not to react in the same way. It's a very successful therapy for PTSD and trauma and doesn't make you confront the source of it. But of course it's something you should discuss with a doctor or psychologist.

Does you DH know what happened? Could he go with you and speak for you? Be your voice?

Op it sounds like you have ptsd or ocd or both, I’m not a psychiatrist but you need to see one, it sounds like it’s ruining your life can you go private? Hope you can get some help x

Hello there,

I usually am just a lurker but your thread spoke to me. I understand exactly what you mean, and it doesn't sound strange one bit. PTSD linked to trauma is a complex issue and the triggers don't always make sense, even to us. They aren't conscious thoughts as such and are often totally unwanted. I really hope you manage to reach out for help, in whatever form that takes, sending you lots of strength and light. You have had the courage to post this so hold onto that feeling of bravery. Remember self- care and it's always ok to ask for help.

Read... The body keeps the score.