Finally ending a relationship

[Bella3456]

Hi girls so this is a bit of a long one so bear with me!I've been with my boyfriend (now ex) for nearly 3 years to say he has been a nightmare would be an understatement! I have one wonderful 6 year old boy I want to add :-) so anywsy not long into the relationship there was a physical altercation quite bad so I rang the police and social services got involved and my son was put straight on a child protection plan. Social services HATED him all all I did was stick up for him e.t.c I really wanted to make it work and us be a family. He was wonderful with my son it was just this one altercation letting jim down. (My son was not present at the time) anyway again I stuck up for him constantly and social were getting more and more pissed off with me. I rang the police a few times because he refused to leave to and again (stupidly) tried to stick up for him to social services who hated him. Anyway all was fine and social services were happy but keeping an eye on me if you like (still on a protection plan because he is seen as a risk) and he started doing cocaine (i know he did on nights out but didn't realise he was bringing it in the house around my son!!) When I found out he was basically doing it around my son I packed his bags and kicked him straight out back to hi mum and dads. I even found cochineal near where my son plays!!! I went apeshit and said he is never aloud around my son again. Before I say this it is a billion percent his. No one else has been in my houe other than me and my son. Also I want to stress he doesn't want to get any help and hes saying im lying and I'm crazy and a bitch e.t.c but again I know its his and he left it where my son plays imagine what could have happened!!! Although I know full well it has to end now (social are over the moon that I've ended it lmao) I know I've done the right thing buy im shattefd being a single mum again!! Will I soon get back into the swing of things? How do I get over him? I want to stress at this point there is no way back in my eyes as he has really put my son at risk. Hes also denying everything and calling me evry name under the sun because I kicked him out and now (its my house) but that doesn't mean my feelings aren't still thre and that I'm SO tired being a single mum again!! Any advice? How long did it take ayone else to get back into he swing of it al I feel half dead!

Your post is as chaotic as your life. Put your child first. This story might put things into perspective: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-59461872 Poor toddler was left with her 'stepfather' but really Mums boyfriend, while Mum was at work who beat her to death. He was a druggie too.

[quote Bella3456]@Suzanne999 im lucky that I do work in a job I love part time so thats all sorted in all honestly its nice that basically everyone has said ive done exactly the right thing (I knew I had just good to get that reassurance) and that it just gets better from here. Also totally agree im a people pleaser! And my social worker did say I have problems with boundaries. Not that this is linked in any way at all but I was abused as a child and watched my mum have horrendous boyfriends (which the social worker knos about) and I think its affected me into adulthood (not trying to get sympathy here!!! Just maybe its why I tried so hard for someone that was clearly not worth it) x[/quote]
Events in your childhood are linked to your adult behaviour ( and mine, and everyone’s). You’re doing all the right things —- you have a job, you’re putting your child first and now you’re looking out for yourself. You’ll survive this awful episode, it’s crap I know ( I escaped from an abusive husband who also seemed hell bent on bankrupting me—- it was hard work but I survived and came out stronger)
You’ve got this, —- you’re far better than anything he could offer.

Focus on work, focus on your son. Work some extra hours (if available) then take your son out to the cinema, go for lunch etc. Try to create a happy life for the two of you. Try to become more accountable to yourself and your son, less reliant on social services. You know this guy was bad news, you don't need SS to tell you.

Best of luck for your future

A) you’ve never stopped being a single parent.

B) the flippant tone to your child being seen as being at risk by SS owing to your refusal to end a toxic relationship is baffling.

You put your young son through three years of shit - just concentrate on not making such bad choices in the future.

It's easier being a single mum than being in a chaotic relationship

It's about what's best for your son!

I really mean this kindly, I think you need to take some responsibility in bringing and keeping this dangerous male into yours and your sons life, as once we accept our failings we can then change.
You prioritised your relationship with this man over your responsibility to keep your child safe.
Your post reads like the beginning of one of those awful news stories about a child who gets dragged along for the ride with a parent and new partner and ends up neglected or dead.
Thankfully you made the right choice in separating but keep away from relationships until you have some boundaries and recognise you need to prioritise your son otherwise it will be more of the same, with Social Services probably being less lenient next time around.

I’m a single mum and my husband lives with me!
It’s harder being with someone and them doing nothing to help, apart from make a mess!
Good for you tho!

Poor kid.

One week in and its going fine! A bit stressful at times I.e remembering bread/ milk or aftershock clubs and tea time 🙄 but we are loving it:-)