To think being called a young girl as an adult is patronising

[Astressedmumoftwo]

As a 28 year old woman (albeit I only look 20-21 to most people) I find being called a young girl or a good girl by people older than myself (usually 50 plus year old men) to be patronising.

AIBU mumsnet?

YANBU, and there’s always a creepy undertone to it as well. If they meant an actual child they’d say “little girl”. They want to objectify you and patronise you at the same time.

It's awful. Also nicknames like 'trouble'. Ugh.

Although it's mumsnet so the comments dripping in internalised misogyny will be here soon: 'they're just being nice! they're from a different time... I wouldn't mind being called young!'

Yanbu.

I have had “good girl” said to me in very smarmy tones to me by men in their fifties/sixties 🤢 I think it’s supposed to be flirty (but definitely comes across as creepy!)

I think it depends who's saying it. "Good girl" can definitely sound patronising and a bit creepy. As for "young girl" now I'm in my 30s I love it lol

I get that on the phone from old men a lot at work. I say I’m not young and I’m not a girl. I am 57 although I do sound young. I have been known to use this to my advantage when cold callers ask to speak to my mum or dad or the house owner.

Absolutely LOATHE this. DS was a bit surprised when I got a bit snippy with a man who, on asking the two of us to leave the library as they were about to close, said to me, "good girl" when I said we'd head out.

The only time "good girl" is an appropriate comment is when an adult is speaking to a female child.

There are occasional contexts where it's not, but they generally involve close friends. In general, yes, it's patronising. You could try using "old man" back at them and see if it makes them realise what they're doing.

No I hate it. It's really patronising. I have had good girl said to me a couple of times but what's really annoying is the person who says it is younger than me.
He hasn't said it since I told him I wasn't a girl and probably old enough to be his mum (possibly).

I feel your pain OP, it's definitely patronising. My PIL constantly referred to me as "only a little girl" for the first decade that I knew them, age 21 - 30. I don't know how I managed not to murder them lol.

You could try calling them a "good boy!" in the same tone you'd use for a spaniel puppy.

It’s strange because if I’m talking about a female colleague I always say, “There’s this girl I work with….”

And I know other female colleagues do it too.

I try really hard to refer to them as women but it doesn’t come naturally.

I have absolutely no idea why I do it but I have noticed I only do it when talking about women that are younger than me.

It’s strange.

I have stopped tolerating it and will pull people up on it every single time. They don’t usually need telling twice.

Respond with 'alright old man'

@3beesinmybonnet

I feel your pain OP, it's definitely patronising. My PIL constantly referred to me as "only a little girl" for the first decade that I knew them, age 21 - 30. I don't know how I managed not to murder them lol.

You could try calling them a "good boy!" in the same tone you'd use for a spaniel puppy.

Wont work. Calling most men "good boy" or "young man" doesn't bother them. They revel in it. Its how I get recalcitrant men to do things - I have seen 6ft 18-stone murderers SIMPER when addressed as "young man".