To feel overwhelmed with life right now

[Poptart4]

I'm mid 30's, 4 DC, work part time, elderly parents who need help....

I just feel like I can never relax because there is always something I HAVE to do.

Housework is never ending (no I can't afford a cleaner).

Kids need looking after, taking to clubs, help with homework etc.

My parents are elderly and not in the best of health but are not totally helpless. I often feel guilty if I can't visit them afew times a week. But I'm realising that because of my mam laying on the passive aggressive guilt trips. She often complains about how lonely and depressed she is. But I can't solve that for her.

I just feel totally overwhelmed. Anyone else feel like this?

What can you offload? Do they have to do so many clubs? Are the pitching in with age appropriate housework? Can you parents access help from other places?

Do you have a partner/is the DC dad around and pulling his weight?

You’ll be no use to your mum if you burn out and your DC need to be your priority so set clear boundaries around what you can do for them and stick to them. Living your life based on who’s guilting you loudest isn’t a recipe for good mental health.

I feel exactly the same.
I’m a bit older with 2 dc and only 1 elderly parent but I’m feeling pulled in all directions and I end up spending so much time ruminating and putting things off that I get even more stressed.

yanbu

I agree with the first poster. You absolutely cannot do everything. You need to drop some stuff and delegate others. You need to write a list of your priorities and what really matters the most. You then need to see whether you can do it or you can give it to someone else to do. For example, do you have any siblings that can keep your Mum company, or can you get her a carer? Etc.

Would your parents be able to come round and help the kids with their homework?

yanbu op. I hate the old “get a cleaner” argument. A) I can’t afford one and B) it’s more mess in my house rather than dirt that’s the problem.

Visiting your parents a few times a week doesn't sound sustainable with everything else. It just isn't - once a week or once a fortnight with phonecalls in between sounds more sustainable. Your mum sounds manipulative. Are they trying to keep themselves busy with volunteering or getting out to activities where they can meet other people? There is a fair amount running even with Covid

Honestly the same. Have zero family support and I work 35-40 hours a week around looking after 2 year old. Can only afford to send him to childcare two days a week so I have him the other three. Im permanently burnt out and there's no way I can change anything need the money I earn to live. Just wanted to say I know how hard it is, hoping by the time he is 4 and goes to school I will get a break. I don't even get annual leave as I work for myself so not had a day off since before he was born 🤣

Another solidarity post here, just one child, but one very infirm parent and the other is her carer so all very intense there (and I’m an only child so all on me), I’m also only next of kin for my aunt who is in a care home an hour away. Work part time. Even if I do take time for myself I feel guilty and keep getting ill with little niggling bugs.