Difficult family member

[Iwouldmarrythebeast]

I've a difficult SIL, fairly certain it's not me but happy for anyone to call me out if they do think it's me. And I don't want to be to specific in case I out myself. She has been my SIL over 30 years and is just a few years older than me. She has been supportive in the past to myself. However she has had run ins with other family members, I have avoided this by backing down if anything like conflict arises. However I'm finding it harder to manage in the last year. She constantly contradicts me, belittles me and she has created her own narrative of my personality based on a small number of actions. This is generally an unflattering narrative to myself and I'm finding her words and actions increasingly hurtful. Is there any advice that anyone could give me to help me deal with her?

How often are you in contact? It sounds like avoidance might be the best way, but it's hard to say without knowing how involved you are.

Sounds like you just need to try and avoid her if possible. What's happened with the other family members with whom she has had run ins?

Avoid her and when she asks why tell her.

Sometimes once a week, maybe twice a week. Everyone else has backed away who has had run ins. I can try and avoid her but it means seeing less of that side of the family. But I think I probably need to do it as I'm finding it difficult to manage how I feel when I see her.

I think you need to knock the once/twice a week on the head. Most people don't see their parents that much let alone a SIL. You can bow out gracefully. Busy at work, helping out a friend, new hobby.

You're all probably right. It won't be easy but I need to do it

The only way to "manage" people like her is to cut them out of your life. She's toxic and it's not your job to try and fix her issues.