To speak to the school about this?

[Largethighsbadeyes]

DD is in year 6

She has been added to a watsapp group for her year group and I check her phone every so often which was a condition of her getting the phone.

Last week another boy in the class created a new group called "romance only"

His first message asked if anyone wanted to meet up after school and make out. All the other kids replied along the lines of "don't be weird"

He posted again about how he really wants a girlfriend and wanted to know what girls look for in a boy. When people again told him it was weird he said things along the lines of "come on baby girl"

A few days later he started posted tick tok videos. He posted 2 very similar ones which involved a heart monitor flatlining and the caption read "would you care if this happened to your friend"

So I have 2 concerns.

1. I don't think the original messages are appropriate for 10 year olds (but appreciate that I may be out of touch)

1. I found the tick tok videos worrying. Why the emphasis on death?

From what I know this boy is a nice lad, well behaved at school, not a trouble maker etc

I don't really know his mum so can't speak to her directly so my other option is speaking to the school.

What would you do, if anything?

Inform the school asap
The child (If it was the child) has used an electronic device to solicited other children to engage in sexual activity.
Even though the other children pointed out that it weird it's a criminal offence and the child has documented it themselves.
His parents need to be informed of the safeguarding they need to preform and as you dont know the parents that should come from the school not you.
The "suicide" clips could also be a form of emotional blackmail to manipulate his class mates, how is your child equipped to handle that emotional leverage?

A phone gives your child access to the world but also gives the world access to your child. How locked down is her device? Ask to see what materials the school are using and what SM they cover. I think you need to spend time going over them yourself and decide where you draw your line in the sand.

Definitely speak to school/they will be interested and concerned. It’s a safe guarding issue and may even be the final piece in a jigsaw. The child concerned needs talking to about e safety at the very least, s well as discussion about boundaries and appropriate ways of communication. A boy in DDs class took secret photos of her and school were all over it

If your DD is on WhatsApp for family reasons, did you know you can change the settings so that only contacts can add her to groups? You can then delete the boy from her contacts (but note down his number in case you need to recognize it later).

My 10 year olds class is rife with whatsapps, it drives the school crazy because sorting out all the friendship group drama takes away from learning time.

I'd definitely report to school as it sounds worrying.

I'd also take her off the groups and rein in control of her phone.

I have a year 6 who doesn't have a phone nor any social media. It's not caused any issues here. And we've side stepped huge amounts of drama and upset.

This is a safeguarding issue. I would feel bound to report it, due to my profession.

It's also a little concerning that you're reading the messages of such a group that your child isn't even participating in. I would remove your daughter (and thus you) from such a group after reporting it.

I have a year 6 who doesn't have a phone nor any social media. It's not caused any issues here. And we've side stepped huge amounts of drama and upset.

Quite. You don't need WhatsApp to get to and from home safely or to stay in touch with family. I mean, it's easier in some cases, but the benefits don't outweigh the cons in this situation.

I'll ask again, are you / she sure it's the boy posting himself?

Absolutely inform the school. Ours occasionally sends out whole year emails reminding about what is / isn’t appropriate and warning about WhatsApp and flagging up things to parents. A total pain for them but it’s good they do it.

Tell school. Our primary school would want to know.

@iklboo

I'll ask again, are you / she sure it's the boy posting himself?

As sure as I can be without asking him

For the person who said it was concerning that i was checking the messages

A. That's what all parents should be doing IMO to monitor phone use

B. There was a additional reason for me to be checking but it's a long back story that's not relevant to this thread.

@NoSquirrels

Tell school. Our primary school would want to know.

Yes that was my gut feeling. Wasn't sure if I was over reacting but the general consensus seem not

Yes absolutely speak to the school. It's part of school's job to keep children safe and teach them about appropriate relationships (PSHE curriculum) so they should be interested and willing to give the whole class input into what is and isn't appropriate and safe.

My immediate thoughts were that those messages aren't the sort of thing a UK 10-year-old would come out with. Someone may be using his account for nefarious means, or he may be being manipulated by an adult.
This isn't "friendship group drama", I'd raise it quietly with the school as a safeguarding concern.

Tell the school, but have a back up plan for what you actually intend to do. Our primary school just send out frequent reminders to parents of what the age limits are and that primary kids shouldn't be using whatsapp, they wouldn't act on anything that takes place if parents do choose to allow kids to have it.

@Ubiquery

I have a year 6 who doesn't have a phone nor any social media. It's not caused any issues here. And we've side stepped huge amounts of drama and upset.

Quite. You don't need WhatsApp to get to and from home safely or to stay in touch with family. I mean, it's easier in some cases, but the benefits don't outweigh the cons in this situation.

It was enabling DD to stay in touch with her classmates for us. Her school did no class video calls during lockdown. With both DH and I working more than full time she had no other way to stay in touch with them. She lost her entire social network overnight and was really struggling.

@Zoeyclash

Why would you involve the school? It has nothing to do with them. You mention 10 year-olds.... is your daughter 10? If she is, she is too young to be using WhatsApp. You should remove her from the group. This is exactly why there are age limits on social media platforms.

You can absolutely report safeguarding things that happen outside of school to school. That is part of their safeguarding role and one of the reasons that the name and contact details of the school’s safeguarding lead should be displayed on their website.

The content is inappropriate so report it to the school. The fact that none of them (including your daughter) should have WhatsApp in the first place is another matter and they should be interested in that too.

It was enabling DD to stay in touch with her classmates for us. Her school did no class video calls during lockdown. With both DH and I working more than full time she had no other way to stay in touch with them. She lost her entire social network overnight and was really struggling.

That sounds really awful and isolating for your DD. I'm just not convinced that an adult app was the best solution for a child.

@Ubiquery

It was enabling DD to stay in touch with her classmates for us. Her school did no class video calls during lockdown. With both DH and I working more than full time she had no other way to stay in touch with them. She lost her entire social network overnight and was really struggling.

That sounds really awful and isolating for your DD. I'm just not convinced that an adult app was the best solution for a child.

Fair enough. But desperate times and all that - I had to look after her mental well-being. Not sure what else she could have used. (There are only 2 only children in her class so she felt she was missing out even more when she was alone.).

She doesn’t bother with it now they’re back in school as she likes to keep school and home quite separate (and the boys are “annoying”). She uses it for a group of friends spread all over the U.K. (known since birth) which is lovely.

I'd mention to school. I'm a bit worried about the boy. School might have other info and this will help them ensure he's kept safe. If it's nothing, then it's nothing but at least school can support the kids in that year to use social media more responsibly, and keep an eye

By the way, my son has what's app. He's 10. He has only has two friends on it, the other people are myself, my DH and my DB. Can't see the harm !

I don’t think year kids should be on WhatsApp, full stop.

The school don't have to do anything. But I'd mention it anyway. I complained about something inappropriate on my kids group and all they did was remind people about the age limits.

@User2638483

I don’t think year kids should be on WhatsApp, full stop.

Yep. You and many other people it seems.

But I'm not going to explain my parenting decisions to you or anyone else. It's not mychild who has been posting inappropriate messages. I would know if she did as I monitor her phone use. Then there would be consequences.