To think that that this will not end well

[subtlesue]

A is a 60 year old widow with 2 adult children. She owns approx £300 equity in her house. All children moved out, all renting and struggling for deposits. She works part time at minimum wage. If relevant, £150k of that equity came from life insurance pay out when her late husband (father of the children) died 15 years ago.

B is a 60 year old divorced man with 4 adult children all moved out and renting. He has about £200 equity in his house and earns about £50-60k/year.

A and B have been dating for 10 years and now all the children have moved out they want to move in together, no intention to marry. All children support the relationship and are happy for them that they can now live together properly.

Here is where it gets a bit complex.

A and B are planning to put equity together and buy for approx £400k keeping some as savings in the bank.

A and B both, in the event of their untimely death, want the equity that they have put into the house to be available to their children relatively quickly, and not for them to have to wait for their 'step parent' to die which could be another 20 years.

Is there any way legally that this can be done, or must we rely on the good will of the living partner that they would organise for the release of equity (most likely downsize I suppose)?

No one is suggesting that a bereaved partner should be evicted suddenly. Honestly- no one in the two families is horrible. But surely something formal
needs deciding and something 'put in place' in advance so that everything is clear and all are prepared should something happen to one of the partners. It seems immoral to me that if A were to die, then B could be living in a house with £150k worth of A's children's fathers life insurance money. But also seems immoral that he would be expected to move out of his home to release the equity when he's just lost his partner. And there would be other difficult situations if B were to die and A to live.

So, to my AIBU- A and B keep saying they will 'make sure' that things are set up so that their equity would be released, AIBU to say that this won't be possible and there would be an awful complex situation?

Similar situation for me. We have a deed of trust drawn up as one of us has more equity in the house and a will which says the other can live continue to live in the house for five years, subject to maintaining it, etc after the death of the other. I think this is a reasonable amount of time given the fact that the other will be grief stricken and have a lot to deal with for a while. It makes me sad to know that if my partner dies first I will have to sell my home and move but it's the sad fact of life. We are also not married and it makes me sad that this is not advised as well.

@Abigail12345654321 if they've got nearly £1.5m worth of houses they could very easily downsize, give everyone a nominal amount and have plenty to live off.

The kids are clearly only interested in their inheritances so fobbing them off with £50k each would take the pressure off the parents.

Think I've got a friend for life in @Abigail12345654321

This is what they want to happen with their money if they die. It's not something I've orchestrated.

I think in 30 years time if I were in the same situation I would want the same- for my children to get the money rather than my partner who already has over £200k of his own.

But you carry on!

@subtlesue

Think I've got a friend for life in *@Abigail12345654321*

This is what they want to happen with their money if they die. It's not something I've orchestrated.

I think in 30 years time if I were in the same situation I would want the same- for my children to get the money rather than my partner who already has over £200k of his own.

But you carry on!

They each want their spouse (and themselves) to have to leave their home within weeks of their partner's death? The reality is that the children will be effectively evicting a very elderly recently bereaved person. Even if the will/arrangements allow it, would you actually do it?

@AndMatt who said within weeks? That wasn't me. The only timeframe I said was in reference to not waiting 2 years. Big difference.
And whilst they might be elderly, it could also happen in 2 years time when they are very much not elderly.

*not waiting 20 years

[quote subtlesue]@AndMatt who said within weeks? That wasn't me. The only timeframe I said was in reference to not waiting 2 years. Big difference.
And whilst they might be elderly, it could also happen in 2 years time when they are very much not elderly. [/quote]
OK. Is that what you want for your parent, who's just as likely to be the evicted one?

My DH died early this year. I'm young and fit and capable. I haven't begun to go through his stuff yet. The idea that I'd have to force myself to clear out his stuff and leave the house on someone else's timescale would break me. (More than I am already).

I just don't think anyone's thought about the reality, they're all (including parents) too busy thinking about the money.

My parent and their partner have this set up and it was decided that the remaining one has two years before they have to move out and sell. I had nothing to do with the arrangement BTW, no involvement in discussion, they came to this agreement themselves.

The fact that the title says this won’t end well, shows exactly what you’re worried about. This whole thing is about money, imagine the other parent passes away and your parent has to move asap to free up the others money, I would be livid, in old age moving can be a huge trigger for dementia getting worse, if someone has already has it in early stages.
You have not even considered if either needs caring for.
And the fact that they are only 60 and you’re worried about inheritance and saying now that this is how they want it is shocking, they want to sell their homes and live together, so what?

Also it’s not your dad’s insurance money it s hers, imagine if they decided to get married would you stand up in the wedding and say no what about our inheritance money.

Moving in older age is horrendous. Expecting a grieving partner to do so seems harsh. Savings may have been used for care etc.

@subtlesue

Think I've got a friend for life in *@Abigail12345654321*

This is what they want to happen with their money if they die. It's not something I've orchestrated.

I think in 30 years time if I were in the same situation I would want the same- for my children to get the money rather than my partner who already has over £200k of his own.

But you carry on!

I will!

@girlmom21 How on earth has £500k equity turned into £1.5m? They plan to buy a house worth £400k and keep £100k as a cash asset. Chucking the cash asset at the kids to shut them up (not that they have given you reason to think they need shutting up!) would be rather daft.

Op, it’s possibly they haven’t considered the mental and physical upheaval the surviving party will suffer if forced to move. Perhaps you could suggest you wouldn’t dream of uprooting the surviving partner if your parent died, just so you can realise your inheritance at that point? Sounds like the kids in this situation need to step up and behave honourably.

Also am not suggesting the partner inherit - the children will inherit but would simply leave the assets tied up in the house where they are until the death of the surviving partner. Legally the children would own a share in the house.