Long story short, me and my husband separated earlier on this year. At the time, a lot had happened and the relationship was strained. I wasn't happy anymore and decided to call time on it. Shortly, before we separated my brother very kindly gifted us a lot of money. My husband has always had a thing about money and a lot of it I think is he likes control over it as he's very insecure. Don't get me wrong, he worked extremely hard to provide for our family and was generous and never withheld money but I feel as though he almost felt demasculated by it. I cannot work as we have a child with special needs so I think he's always been quite proud that he has worked so hard to solely provide for us.
When we separated, we decided to sell and split the house 50/50 and I gave him half of what was left that my brother gave me after I'd spent some on the house and also we brought a vehicle when we were together.
Anyway, fast forward to now - were trying again, We have both realised that we do really love each other and we'd like to try again. Whilst we were separated he brought another house using the money from what I gave him from my brother. As I cannot work my brother has kindly offered to go on the mortgage with me as well as put some money into the house so that we can get something suitable. Me and husband have agreed to not live together for a while as to not to confuse kids and to be sure we can move past the last year. He also wants the security of having his own place should it happen again, which I agree is a sensible idea.
The last few days though he's been saying he wants me to decline the money from my brother, said it's pushing him out and that I should just have him on the mortgage and get a much smaller house than what I've been looking at. The houses I'm looking at are not large, 3 bed semis ( I have two dc ) but house prices are sky high at the moment and the area we live is more expensive but I'd like to stay around here as my dd has just started school here. He's suggesting I go 15 miles or so out so that I can get a cheaper house. The issue i have is that my ds isn't at school at the moment and the drive every morning would be a pain, plus i like my daughter would be around her school friends etc. He has said it isn't fair I get help and he's had to provide everything for himself and that I should do it on my own like he has. My feelings are difference is, I have a disabled child that likely won't be leaving home, I want stability for us.
As things are still early days with sorting things out im torn as if it goes tits up again. I'll be in a house / area I don't want to be in.
I've said moving forward, if things work out we will give my brother the money back and sort something for us.
I just don't know if I am BU having this money or whether he is 🤷🏽♀️