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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have Blurred lines all things considered

5 replies

sal1223 · 27/11/2021 22:43

Recently divorced and seeing male hetro friend in new light basically . Coming out of emotionally abusive marriage and re-connecting with old friends , one of whom is really what I should have gone for all along 🙄 great communication, funny, witty , smart , empath. I've always liked him a lot - and found him attractive (classic nice looking guy) .
Is it a mirage though? Been seeing more of each other since split and just feeling elated every time like it's some sort of dream sequence - am I under some illusion because of stress and trauma ? Is being listened to and spoken to with respect all it is? He knows about everything I've been through and has been a great support which I don't want to lose so will of course keep quiet !!
No funny business just great conversations and losing hours over coffee . I've been off the market 15 years and wouldn't even know the signs of mutual attraction 😵‍💫 I would NEVER mention it to him btw .
Anyway question is - am
I seeing him in this light now because of divorce. Is this a thing ? Rebound 🙄 or is my situation bringing out a different side of said friend ? He thinks ex husband is an absolute F'ing idiot for having it all and throwing it away. Would appreciate any of your post divorce experience - many thanks xxx

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sal1223 · 27/11/2021 22:46

Is there a cooling off period after divorce ? I think I fell out of love a few years ago if I'm honest but have been in the 'FOG' (new term I've only just learnt about) anyway coming out of it now and remembering who I am ♥️

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venusandmars · 27/11/2021 23:58

Could be rebound, could be a 'mirage' but it sounds like you've got a really good friendship, strong communication.

tbh I'd work on that. You need good friends. You need to build lots of models of healthy, supportive, communicative, honest relationships (friendship type relationships). That will be best for you in the long term.

And if, at some point in the midst of that this man is the right person for you to have an intimate relationship with - let that emerge slowly. No game playing, on either side.

sal1223 · 28/11/2021 00:00

Yeah and I need to protect that friendship and respect it . And I agree that the best relationships are forged on friendships as I've seen it happen with 2 close friends - I haven't had that before.

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sal1223 · 28/11/2021 00:02

Just to add I've known him since we were 15 and I think part of it is him reminding me of who I was-which I need to embrace and enjoy without any expectations. That mantra of what is meant for me I will attract -while in the meantime learn to love myself again

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sal1223 · 28/11/2021 00:05

@venusandmars I've just read that again and it's such good advice thank you . And its funny you have that username because I I've done my birth chart tonight and have Scorpio in both. Venus & Mars as well as Sun sign ✨ *embracing my mystic side 🤣

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