What an ex he is…

[Lifeisbeautiful01]

Ex asked to speak to me this evening.
Left when eldest was 2, returned when she was nearly 6. No contact in between. Left when I was pregnant with DD2. Over the years he has left me in 22k of debt, has left it literally years between seeing them, had a child with someone else when youngest was 1… oh my, I could go on. He pays nothing, sees them rarely. Called tonight to check I knew about a text message DD2 received last week and wanted to discuss why I should not let her be vaccinated. Was concerned I hadn’t thought about it. I have worked FT all the way through, brought them up on my own, he’s been absent all the way through, let them down, failed to turn up etc etc. AIBU to want to fill his fooking pants with fireworks, poke his measly eyes out and tell ‘where the chuff were you for 20 years’… I was so calm and reasonable that I think I may be some kind of amazing new saint…

YANU.

block him

wouldnt waste my time with the sperm donor

@Lifeisbeautiful01

Ex asked to speak to me this evening. Left when eldest was 2, returned when she was nearly 6. No contact in between. Left when I was pregnant with DD2. Over the years he has left me in 22k of debt, has left it literally years between seeing them, had a child with someone else when youngest was 1… oh my, I could go on. He pays nothing, sees them rarely. Called tonight to check I knew about a text message DD2 received last week and wanted to discuss why I should not let her be vaccinated. Was concerned I hadn’t thought about it. I have worked FT all the way through, brought them up on my own, he’s been absent all the way through, let them down, failed to turn up etc etc. AIBU to want to fill his fooking pants with fireworks, poke his measly eyes out and tell ‘where the chuff were you for 20 years’… I was so calm and reasonable that I think I may be some kind of amazing new saint…

What did you say to him?! Pleeeease tell me you calmly told him he has no say whatsoever

I'd say to him, 'oh sorry, who are you again? Why do you think your opinion would be relevant, when you have played absolutely no part, neither moral, legal, nor financial, in these children's lives?'

Who's this?
Then hang up.

I said… ooh this is like when DD1 was having her MMR. Such a difficult decision but I worked that out alone too….18 years ago.
It’s just so amazing when he pops up and suddenly wants to parent! He genuinely believes he’s being a great dad. The stories I could tell about him..
I thought he’d want to talk about money but no siree…he’s still unable to contribute in that way. What a hero!

You are a better woman than me OP! Seriously the audacity of some people, how on earth did you keep your cool?

Yanbu about him , but yabu re vaccine

What was his reaction? Utter dickhead. Do the kids even bother with him?

@hulahooper2

Yanbu about him , but yabu re vaccine

Why is OP being unreasonable about the vaccine, are you an anti-vaxxer, @hulahooper2?

So he's in direct touch with DD2 (he couldn't know about the text message otherwise). What is the relationship like between them? What is her take on this?

YANBU. She must be an adult, right? It's not up to you to "let" her get it anyway. Tell him to pound sand.

Oh I'm sorry, I misread, it's the younger daughter he's talking about. Still, tell him to pound sand. 😁

@tallduckandhandsome

What was his reaction? Utter dickhead. Do the kids even bother with him?

The eldest (20) has no real contact. They tried counselling but he will not admit to doing anything wrong and caused her a great deal of harm. For example he told her aged 14 that one day they would have a pint and admit they were both ‘dickheads’. The youngest sees him occasionally but he takes her to pubs which she hates. She’s embarrassed by him most of the time. I kept contact hoping that he’d apologise for always letting them down but sadly that’s not the case. He has no self reflection and always feels aggrieved about how his life has turned out. He’s utterly astonishing in his lack of self awareness. On the vaccination topic; I have a close friend who works for PHE so I prefer to get my information and advice from her rather than him. She’s upstairs with COVID now so I’ll speak to my friend to ascertain the best way forward. I just hate that he has never been there for them; ignored the text to say DD2 was born, saw her 7 times in the first 3 years of her life. They’ve both sat in their coats waiting for him endless times. Extraordinary that he now wants to chat about how to bring them up! I guess it’s easier now as they are older. He’s never attended a dr appointment, made them a packed lunch, done potty training, taken them to clubs etc etc but suddenly he thinks I need his advice. Just wanted to share my incredulity last night!

If he never apologised nor admitted any wrong doing to the eldest DD why on earth would you think he would apologise to the younger one. You know she is embarrassed by him and hates that he takes her to pubs. I can't imagine letting my 14 year old being treated like that. The man doesn't deserve contact.

I'm trying to think of a more eloquent response than "fuck off" but I don't think there is one.