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AIBU to make him pay?
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cmac76 · 27/11/2021 08:45

I just want to gauge if I am being too mean or not. DS (10) has form for losing things….items of clothing mainly. It was really bad when he was younger. He would regularly come home from school without jumpers, socks, coat, water bottle…whole uniform once and shoes another time (after school clubs). We sometimes found items, sometimes not. I resorted to writing in a sharpie pen inside his bag all the things he needed to come home with. But he would forget to check that 🙄

He’s better now but can still lose things from time to time. I won’t let him wear his ‘nice’ things out when I’m not with him though as a result.

So now he’s lost his warm hat and gloves (plays a lot of football etc) and I’m so fed up.
Do I make him pay to replace a set or just half? He does get very upset about losing stuff (I do get cross) so I feel mean but it’s so annoying! He needs to look after his things!!
He is NT by the way, no issues that we are aware of.

Would you make your child pay at this age?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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HugeAckmansWife · 27/11/2021 18:27

Just because something doesn't come easy to someone doesn't mean are ND or even if they are, that they shouldn't be helped to get better at it and some of that help can include incentives and disincentives. No need to shout, berate or shame, but a calm chat about budgets, not having bottomless pockets to replace stuff etc is perfectly fine. Add in systems, bags, special places or whatever but address it.

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TractorAndHeadphones · 27/11/2021 19:31

@Kite22

I wouldn't

2 of my 3 were / are like this.
They don't choose to be. Whether you class it as a "special need" or not, it is something that is part of them / part of their make up. They don't mean to do it, they just struggle with organisational skills.
Yes, I've spent hours and hours and hours over the years scaffolding things for them, and trying to put frameworks into place and I think they help a bit, but, at the end of the day, I'd rather buy cheaper stuff and have plenty of things like hats and gloves than punish them for something they can't help.

I however had friends who grew out of it - around the time they became teenagers and bought themselves expensive stuff Hmm

In any case it doesn’t matter. Stuff costs money. As an adult with ADHD I can’t afford to keep replacing things so have come up with ways to manage.
If he’s losing things only occasionally now I’d say let it slide but otherwise he’ll have to deal with the consequences. As an adult he won’t have you to buy him new things …
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TractorAndHeadphones · 27/11/2021 19:36

Also to add it’s not really ‘punishing’ . It’s the natural consequence of what happens when you lose things. They cost time and effort to replace. Children don’t really get it.
I didn’t either as a child but as an adult buying my own things… yes it does take me extra effort to keep hold of stuff but I have to do it 😂😂

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billy1966 · 27/11/2021 19:59

@Wannakisstheteacher

I do. Incredible how fast they stop losing things when the replacements come out of their pocket money/birthday money.

I agree.

Get him to pick out and buy the replacement item.

It does focus them.

My friends child lost his shoes 🤷‍♀️ like how does that even happen. He came out to the car in his socks.

They weren't in the classroom, she never got them back.

He bought the replacement pair and she told him going forward he was replacing stuff.
He still lost the odd thing, but nowhere near as much.
My kids placed huge value on ANYTHING they ever parted with money for.
They may be young but they know the value of THEIR money.
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crazeekat · 27/11/2021 20:05

Yeah I would defo make him pay, he is old enough to learn now and be responsible. I did it with my 9 year old. She would not look after her PS games. Alway scratched, lying under her bed, anywhere but in its case. Some of them were £50 a game so I was going mental. When she asked for new one she was told no. She was told she can buy her own. Well without a lie that game is thee best looked after game in her collection.

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