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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get rid of my exes belongings....

52 replies

loonietune · 26/11/2021 21:12

I have some bits that my ex left at my home. Not much and nothing of financial value.... He blocked me so there's no way of asking him to collect them...

I'm guessing he's not that bothered about his things anyway since we split ages ago, so would it be utterly wrong to give them to charity/give it away on a Facebook page or should I keep them in case he decides he wants it back?

This isn't a malicious act to pee him off.... cause I would keep it in case he wanted, BUT ... I would rather not open cupboards and see his stuff there......

OP posts:
supersop60 · 26/11/2021 23:16

Bag it up and get a friend (or a taxi) to drop it on his doorstep.

Hankunamatata · 26/11/2021 23:17

Just go and dump them on his doorstep or get someone else to do it

Berthatydfil · 26/11/2021 23:21

If you know where he lives I would send him a letter by recorded delivery to say
“You have left (list of items) in my home since (date). Please contact me by (date at least I month away) to arrange to collect. If I do not hear from you I will dispose or donate to charity.”

HollowTalk · 26/11/2021 23:26

Honestly, he has blocked you so is saying to you that he wants no communication with you anymore.

I would just get rid of his stuff then whichever way is easiest for you. Whether that's selling it on eBay or giving it away is entirely up to you.

He can't possibly come back later and ask for it. You could just say that you tried to contact him but he had blocked you.

CatDogAlpaca · 26/11/2021 23:28

Just get rid!

Longdistance · 26/11/2021 23:31

Well, it doesn’t say !the big yellow storage company’ on your house, so I say bin his shit.

billy1966 · 26/11/2021 23:34

Dump and on the vague chance that he comes back looking for the stuff, deny ALL knowledge.

Flowers
Hertsgirl10 · 26/11/2021 23:37

You don’t know a single person that he knows? So that you can ask if he wants the shit or not 😂
Surely there’s someone that can pass a msg on?
If not I would but in a box and stick in the loft and forget about it till/if you hear from him about it. Won’t do any harm up there will it?

Cornonthecobblers · 26/11/2021 23:47

If he hasn’t asked for it since June then he doesn’t want it. He’s made it impossible for you to contact him so don’t feel guilty for donating it to charity.

Original poster
loonietune · 26/11/2021 23:48

@Hertsgirl10 Nope! He had no friends!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/11/2021 23:59

If he asks for it back just feign ignorable "I don't know what you're talking about, you didn't leave anything here"

Shamoo · 27/11/2021 00:15

Legally you do have a duty of care in respect of the items, but that just requires you to take reasonable steps to get him to take the items. So, you could write to him and tell him he has until x date to collect them and then you will dispose. Make x a reasonable timeframe. Then if you don’t hear back or he doesn’t collect, you can give away.

Of course the legal position is irrelevant if you don’t think he cares or will ever ask for them. If you feel confident on this, just get rid now.

wombat1a · 27/11/2021 05:46

Legally you can't until you have exhausted all ways of contacting him to retrieve them.

Best way is to send a registered mail to his address (if known) stating he has until X date (not less than 14 days from the receipt of the letter for example) to collect. You should then bag everything into as small as you can so if he does show up he can collect and go without hanging around making trouble.

If the date passes then you can dispose of the items.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 27/11/2021 05:58

Some right jobsworths on here.

Thebookswereherfriends · 27/11/2021 05:58

If you know where he lives but don’t want to go yourself, can you ask a friend to drop it round with a note saying you’ve found some stuff that belongs to him and you’re returning it?

WeAreTheHeroes · 27/11/2021 06:08

What has he left?

Gimlisaxe · 27/11/2021 06:10

I know you have said he has blocked you but is it possible to send him a message using that? Regardless of whether he will see it, that way you have covered your back.

Personally I would just charity shop the lot of it next week. Roughly six months after he left it

NumberTheory · 27/11/2021 07:24

Unless it is really valuable take it to a charity shop. If he come after you for it (which sounds highly unlikely), just maintain that he told you he had everything he wanted back in June and so you reasonably assumed it was abandoned.

If it's really valuable you should probably seek legal advice, just in case.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/11/2021 07:36

Bin it. Its cathartic. I did that and with stuff hed bought me too that I didnt want to sit looking at

Belledan1 · 27/11/2021 07:45

Write him a letter to say got stuff. Give you a month or will bin.

MotherWol · 27/11/2021 08:32

I’d take it to the charity shop, then if he ever asks for it back he can go buy it back from the Cancer Research shop.

Theunamedcat · 27/11/2021 08:41

Do you have friends? A friend that could conceivably claim to work for hermes? Box it label it and shove a fiver at them to drop it off

user1471462428 · 27/11/2021 08:54

June?? You’re more patient than me would have been in the bin by July in my house. You need to read Marie Kondo, does this spark joy?? Using that principle both he and his gear can get in the bin!

qazxc · 27/11/2021 09:29

He has had five months to collect his stuff, that is a more than reasonable timeframe. Imho you can dispose of the items.

Brainwave89 · 27/11/2021 11:15

I would have a really cathartic bonfire in the back garden.