AIBU to think that teasing over names isn’t as much of a thing these days?

[Totez]

When I was a kid in school (90s), we had four Sarahs, three Louises, three Aidans, and generally children were named from a fairly short and standard list. For reference, this was a rural area, entirely white.

Bullying was rampant and everything was a target, including names. First names, surnames, nicknames- they were all ripe for adulteration.

Looking at the names in the local primary where I live now (diverse city), many of them are names that just don’t seem to have been around when I was a child (which is standard- names develop and evolve, as do communities).

For reference, I have a name that was very common in the generation above mine, a little less common among my peers, and practically unheard of for a baby now.

On the baby naming threads here, you often see posters saying “please don’t name your child that, they’ll be bullied”.

Is it still the case that children are bullied because of their names? I know that bullies bully for no reason and pick on anything they can, but, in your experience, have you found that a child with an unusual name is more likely to get harassed about it, or is having an uncommon name so common these days that it doesn’t draw comment like it would have done when I was young?

I'm not sure, but thinking on it - many of the case I can think of with kids started with an adult, some vile intentional remarks and snickering, but also some innocent ones like missaying a name or long names that are often shortened, I've seen adults do that automatically and a child who asks them not to getting the meaner kids on their back constantly calling them that. I think more adults may be more careful about that now so that my decrease it, but it still happens, sometimes over the oddest ways of twisting things.

With teenagers and online quizzes, there has been a thing some piling on another kid and attaching sexual things their name or making their name more sexual and thinking that's hilarious. You'd think at 16-17, they'd have gotten that out of their system already.

I think the internet has contributed a lot to it too. Much more exposure to people from other countries, and backgrounds.

I think it can help, but it can also fuel some nastiness too - the "I saw it online, so it's true no matter what you say" can be strong in some kids.

Nope! Names don't have as strong class connotations either these days so kids don't really get teased for having 'posh' names like they used to. There's so much diversity.

Ex teacher here.

I think generally there is less bullying around names where I live as it's very multicultural. I often had to ask my own DC to spell a new friends name so I could get my head around it and remember it properly.

Parents however are quite snooty about other children's names in my experience. Especially if you give them YOONEEK spellings.

I know recruiters who won't entertain what they consider to be "stupidly spelled names" but will quite happily interview a "Star" "Rapunzel" or "Quentin." Just don't spell it Kwentinn.

@miltonj

Nope! Names don't have as strong class connotations either these days so kids don't really get teased for having 'posh' names like they used to. There's so much diversity.

Most people can guess at children's backgrounds. Taylor v Tristan. Go on.

British people can get it so wrong with foreign names though. Ie, no understanding that somebody might not choose a 100% British name, so choosing an obviously foreign name is seen as awkward, foolish, "chav" even tho it's an insular view.

I teach in a very multi cultural area and have never come across students being bullied for their name. I have taught a couple of girls called Aishat for example. Not a word mentioned about it. I don't know if it's progress or just that my students hear so many names they don't question them.

I work in a school in a fairly rural area which is almost entirely white. A BAME child with a name from his home country turned up. One child said, 'Urgh, that's a weird name!' All the other kids just looked blankly at the rude kid, and took the new name on board without batting an eyelid.

The newcomer slotted right in and so far as I know has had no issues around either his name or his ethnicity.

Both of these a big change from my childhood, when having the piss taken out of you for having a 'strange' name (mildly out of date, for example) or having even lived abroad (never mind being from abroad) was entirely standard.

One of my dc has an unusual name and hes never been bullied for it.
Both my other dc have more usual names yet when a boy band became big my ds1 shared a first name with a band member and he used to tell me other children used to call him this band members name.
He wasnt too fussed though as they all had silly nicknames for each other.
So I suppose no from my pov names arent a bulging point anymore. Thars not to say that if you call your kids fanny flaps they probably ARE going to be bullied for their name.

Weirdly growing up I was bullied for my name and it was fairly normal, a little bit uncommon but not out there like the names of today, kids use to add things to it to make it into a silly name.

Probably does still happen. Course if the kid is going to be bullied anyway it’s just one more thing they could pick on.
Some probably are picked up right away maybe not the weird names so much as those that sound like boy/girl names but given to the opposite sex.

Although I will say a poster above said someone at their kids school is called Khallessi and somebody should have bullied whatever mother thought calling her daughter Khallessi was a good idea before it was allowed to happen.
Why would you do that? Parents in the 80’s didn’t call their daughters The Childlike Empress because it was a character in a fantasy series ffs.

@Bigassbeebuzzbuzz

Thats not to say that If you call your kid Fanny Flaps they probably ARE going to be bullied for their name

Damn it! Looks like I’m going to have to go with Front Butt then!

@YahooTheMilkshake

Children are more likely to tease for not having tic toc, Snapchat or playing XBOX. Bit depressing but found all that starts in year 1.

@YahooTheMilkshake seriously? My 5yo (p1 in Scotland) has never even heard of these things, except maybe an Xbox but he's never actually seen one. Surely the majority of 5yo's don't have an Xbox or tic toc? They definitely don't in my sons school'

I think you’re right OP. I didn’t pick a particular name as I was worried it would be too ‘posh’ - and this is on the back of me being bullied for being ‘posh’ at school, and us still living in the same town that I grew up in.

When the DC started school (my old school!) I realised there was such a wide variety of names I really shouldn’t have worried, and should have just picked the name I really liked!

I think unfortunately there's kids that are going to be targets for bullies for a variety of reasons. These kids will be bullied regardless, so if they have a name that can be picked on then yes they'll be bullied for it, but if not, then the bullies will find something else. So I don't think it's the name, but unfortunately the dynamic that is already there for other reasons for the bully and the victim.

I imagine some names are so atrocious the other kids just feel sorry for them.

I've been a teacher for over a decade and I can't remember the last time a pupil was bullied about their name. I'm honestly trying to think and I can't think of one single occasion.

When I was growing up, however, I do remember it happening. My full first name will be obvious if you know the chorus to 'Give me oil in my lamp'...

A child in dc3's class was being bullied for his name at the start of this school year (first year of secondary), but the name was just a handle to hang it on by the sounds of it. He has a really ordinary name which happens to be the name of a cartoon character (like teasing an 11 year old called Sam by calling them Fireman Sam all the time, but not that name). He was very upset by it, which was obviously also the reason it kept going until it was properly clamped down on.

It was common when I was teaching for a child with an unusual or oddly spelt name to be bullied. Parents would complain and the staff would reprove those doing it but it often persisted outside school.

One poor child had been given a badly spelt "unique" name which led to constant teasing and bullying. The dinner ladies were at their wits' end with it. The mother accosted one of them in the street and tried to tell her off. Dinner lady told her that it was her fault for giving her child a stupid name.

It really was off the wall.

I was a teacher for over 30 years (both diverse and mainly white areas) and never heard of a child being teased over their name.

@SuziLikeSuziQ

I've been a teacher for over a decade and I can't remember the last time a pupil was bullied about their name. I'm honestly trying to think and I can't think of one single occasion.

When I was growing up, however, I do remember it happening. My full first name will be obvious if you know the chorus to 'Give me oil in my lamp'...

Haha! I know exactly what your name is!

I live in a diverse place and there are no children with the same names in any of my chioldren’s classes, so I think there is more variation now which naturally means children are more accepting. When I was at school in the 80s though my unusual name wasn’t an issue, so I think children being bullied for having an unusual name is often more worried about than an actual ‘thing’.

I love the name Venus but it rhymes loosely with penis so i didnt call dd the bame just in case. Shame.

I’ve worked in a few schools and had DC at school and I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone bullied or teased over their name. The pupils really don’t care and it’s normal to have more diverse names now.

Some teachers on the other hand can be less kind!

@malificent7

I love the name Venus but it rhymes loosely with penis so i didnt call dd the bame just in case. Shame.

I knew a girl in a primary school about 35 years ago called Venus. That never came up, not in primary anyway.

I think it’s more if it’s a “rude” sounding surname or if the first name with the surname sounds a bit funny.