To think it’s so hard to be happy nowadays

[Showupformyself]

Pre covid, life, looking back, seemed so simple, so happy, even with it’s inevitable sadness & problems.
I had covid in March, 2020, still not 100% but getting on with things. Have a beautiful Dd, life just feels so anxiety ridden now, so negative.
Are we ever getting back to how we felt?
Normally a positive person, but how long can you keep being positive 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope no going back....gotta roll with the changes...there is a lot of light and love out there....hard to see sometimes..but it is there...keep looking....🤸🏽‍♂️💐

I guess not…

If you can, try to start finding positivity in the little things and scale up? I felt like you, had a horrendous time with covid, then two cancelled weddings, then lost four family members (none covid related). I genuinely thought it was the end of everything and I'd never be happy again! Everything stressed me out and made me anxious and I just felt negative all the time, like you I'm usually super positive!

I've tried really hard the past few months to bring more positivity in my life and I think it's working! Finding joy in the small things, a really nice Starbucks coffee, finding something I actually needed on a good sale, making a really lovely new dish for tea, having a cup of tea with a new book, my cats choosing to sleep on me (not lap cats!), an empty laundry basket, a beautiful fresh morning etc etc It became natural after a while to start seeing more positive things in each day which lifted my mood hugely. Now I'm back to being about 85% super positive!

It was always hard to be happy. I think covid has just highlighted it more so for those who didn't see it before unfortunately.

"Happy" is not our natural state or even necessarily desirable. It's anxiety that keeps us alive (where's that tiger/how will we eat?).

IME all the "happiest" most mentally stable people I know understand that you can't be happy all the time. That it's not even desirable to be so. It's the hard times that make the good times so sweet. Obviously it's all relative and some people do have unreasonably hard lives, but it's not reasonable to expect to be happy aĺl the time.

I have had similar feelings in the recent past. But it has helped to let go of the notion that things will "go back to normal". To accept that we have all been through an incredible level of change and it isn't possible to revert back to pre-Covid.

Once you accept that, you can start to look for the good in what we have now.

I've had a difficult year with my health, not Covid but another health problem I have and it's been hard at times, but it has highlighted to me how we have to snatch those moments of happiness when we do get them, and also not allow circumstances to drag us down.

It may help you to think of your death and reflect on what it is you want in your life.

Mostly it's about the quality of our relationships and having a sense of purpose.

Why are your relationships like? What drives you?

@CagneyNYPD1

I have had similar feelings in the recent past. But it has helped to let go of the notion that things will "go back to normal". To accept that we have all been through an incredible level of change and it isn't possible to revert back to pre-Covid.

Once you accept that, you can start to look for the good in what we have now.

I have had an incredibly hard year in caregiving- it's like some Greek tragedy- and am trying to remember this and lower my expectations.

I try to arrange something pleasant for myself at least 3 times a week. Not an expensive thing. Just a thing like a walk in the park, nice chocolate, a takeaway.

What are the ways that other posters think things will never be normal again?

Well @SparrowNest I am getting my booster next Monday, but I am not British and my elderly mom in another country has no hope of getting one any time soon. Unless every country gets boosters this is going to be endemic.

@TomelettewithGreggs pandemics historically have tended to fizzle out eventually, as there’s strong reasons for less harmful strains to become dominant.

I’m not downplaying the level of death and suffering that it takes to get to that point, I just don’t think we’re going to be in a pandemic forever.

I was wondering if people think there’s going to be lasting social and/or political changes even after the pandemic is over.

If you can, try to start finding positivity in little things and scale up.

This absolutely.

Lockdown completely rewired my brain I think, and left me feeling huge gratitude for small positives. I'm happier now tbh

I feel a bit lost. I wondered if I have a bit of depression, but I really don’t think I do.
I think it’s a post Covid thing, although we’re not out of the woods yet.
I’m getting pleasure from seeing the Christmas lights going up, and a frothy coffee while watching Xmas films.
Find what makes you happy, no matter how silly it seems, and go with it.

Yes I agree. I am generally content and try to find happiness in small things but I've got anxiety. Always had it but worsened over lockdown and little things that I know are normally easily resolved, like mix ups with benefits for example, seem disastrous to me. And when one problem is resolved, there's always another one.

@SparrowNest I don't disagree with you; I just have no idea when we will get to that point. I do see lasting social changes. My DD used to be a very outgoing and gregarious person; now she prefers to do everything online holed up in her room. My work and my DH's work has been badly affected. As a person with family overseas, I can no longer visit them easily. So yes, everything will be different for a good long while.

I agree that looking for joy and gratitude in the little things is really important.

I also find it's good to think about what recharges your batteries. We are all depleted after a really tough couple of years. When I started going back into work a couple of days a week I began to feel much better and take more pleasure in life again. For me, being around people and having those personal interactions is really key. For you it might be something different.

I just read Brene Browns The Gifts of Imperfection and am finding it really helpful. Her podcast Unlocking Us is also good.

@QualityChecked

is right I think. People seem to think that to be happy, you have to be happy all the time with a perfect life.

I would say I am happy. My life is far from perfect. I live in a bog standard late Victorian terrace with none of the things many people here sem to see esential - no ensuites, utility rooms, garages, god forbid I even have a down stairs bathroom. But its in exactly the right location and has more than enough room for what I need.

I have a fabulous, amazing 17 year old who has overcome many difficulties in life and is doing well.

My mum and stepdad are in poor health, they are a worry but they are nearly 80 so what do you expect. We have another 2 relatives in poor health, but we have three new babies in the family this year and one on the way. I have wonderful friends.
I have a good job, pays well, don't particularly enjoy but I work with a great bunch of people.
All this was there before COVID. Its a good, if ordinary and unspectacular life. Yes some things have changed and will never go back to what they were. Like everyone, I had my difficult times during lockdown.
But we have been untouched by COVID. We have much to be thankful for. So no I don't find it hard to be happy

@SparrowNest I’m in a similar boat with family abroad, though I’m lucky that my daughter is too young to really have a clue what’s going on.

I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. My niece (almost 5) has become very nervous about touching anything or anyone, to the point there are concerns about OCD. I hate it when people downplay the effect on children.

I’m sorry to hear about yours and your husband’s work situation as well.

Completely YANBU. It's so difficult to find happiness in a world where everything has changed so much since pre-covid. I miss my old life, but I am attempting to take time to grieve what I've lost (and I would recommend - this may sound strange, but your pre-covid life is something we've all lost.) My best recommendation is looking for the good among all the negative (although this is definitely difficult!). I also have two amazing DD, and they've both been (somewhat - they're still teenage girls!) good when I need a mood-booster for when things get bad. I've also gotten much closer with my sister (she lives a few hours away from us, without a partner, so as soon as houses could become bubbles, she moved in with us), which is definitely something that brought me joy.

[quote SparrowNest]@SparrowNest I’m in a similar boat with family abroad, though I’m lucky that my daughter is too young to really have a clue what’s going on.

I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. My niece (almost 5) has become very nervous about touching anything or anyone, to the point there are concerns about OCD. I hate it when people downplay the effect on children.

I’m sorry to hear about yours and your husband’s work situation as well.[/quote]
This was supposed to be addressed to @TomelettewithGreggs

I think also, even people who think they don't like people do need to be around people.

I can be a bit socially anxious and avoid meeting people if I can. Covid has made it easier to do that, but I've noticed my mood does improve if I bump into someone for a chat, or go into the office, even though I would avoid putting myself in that situation unless I had to iyswim.

@SparrowNest

What are the ways that other posters think things will never be normal again?

I'm wondering this

Tbh since about July when stuff opened up I've felt completely normal

I was never scared of covid itself though - I was only ever worried about being in endless restrictions and the potential effect on my own finances

I was feeling ok until I looked at the headlines today and saw they’re talking about possibly bringing restrictions back. I have really enjoyed these last few months of things opening up again. I was thrilled yesterday when I saw the local church’s kids’ Christmas Eve service is back this year - it didn’t feel like Christmas to me last year with that kind of thing all cancelled. I think I will struggle with my mood if suddenly it’s going to be cancelled again. I know it’s such a little thing and I am indeed thankful for the big things like a healthy family but even so it’s how I feel.

I think there's a difference between Content and Happy. I'm content, happy with my lot, and glass half full. Happy for me equates to being on holiday or evenings out with friends and family. A more fleeting emotion.

I try to enjoy the little things, and they do add up. So yes, I'm positive and content.