Bullying/Safeguarding Year 8 Son

[Silveryfox]

Sorry I know this is the wrong place but the bullying chat is not very active right now....

Can someone who knows about these things please help me?

My 12 yr old son came home on Friday and told me he and 2 other boys had been touched inappropriately by another boy in the changing rooms while they had been getting ready for PE (someone turned the lights off and the boy who touched my son did it while the room was in darkness). Another boy also physically assaulted my son straight afterwards. My son and the other 2 boys who were touched told the PE teacher what happened, but instead of hauling the perpetrators off to the head masters office immediately he instead shouted at the perpetrators to stop being stupid, then punished the whole class for mucking about when they should have been getting changed. The punishment was that the whole class had to change repeatedly from uniform to PE kit and back to uniform, over and over, for the duration of the lesson instead of doing what he should have done. The PE teacher did not report what happened and allowed the children to leave as normal. Because my son had told the PE teacher what the kid who assaulted him had done, that boy then waited for my son after school and threatened and assaulted him again.

Obviously I have gone through the proper procedure, left it with the school to "investigate" but I also rang the police to get an incident number. I have now had a call from the Deputy Head this evening (Wednesday) to say they have "sanctioned" both boys/perpetrators and phoned their parents. Going on past experiences at this school, the "sanction" will be a lunchtime detention. No mention of safeguarding in relation to the sexual touching OR the physical assault and threats. My son tested positive for Covid last saturday so is not going to be back at school until next Monday, but apparently when he returns, the schools solution to making my son feel safe is to ask him what he'd like to happen next to make him feel safe and to see if he would like to sit down with the 2 perpetrators to do "talking reconciliation". 1) My son is 12. He wouldnt have a clue how to answer the question of how can the school make him feel safe and 2) how can they even think of suggesting he sits down to talk to the boys who did those things to him?? I said to the Deputy Head teacher when she called that the so called sanctions dont seem to me to fit the crime. She said she couldnt discuss that with me because she had to protect the kids who were responsible!!

So I guess my question is, are there any senior school teachers/leadership or social workers who can tell me if this is how this situation should be handled? Because as far as I'm concerned this school is NOT safeguarding my child. Then again, his primary school was exactly the same.... they all seem to protect the bullies, not the victims. Ps I have contacted the Board of Governors about other things my child has been subjected to when the school didnt seem to be interested in protecting my son, only the bully, and they came down on the side of the school.... any advice?? 🙏

This is very serious, you need to log this as a formal police report, I would ring ofsted immediately and inform the school you will be taking police and legal action for failure to safeguard. Keep your son off until further notice.

I cannot believe what I have just read.
I am terribly sorry for what your son went through andi actually at this point, would be considering another school. My ds is 13, and went through a lot in year 7 and 8. He was even followed home, beaten up and filmed by a group of boys and the school just wanted to quickly sweep it under the carpet.
My husband is really pushing for us all to move.in the new year,god willing and I will be thrilled for him to leave. The other nearby high school isnt so great either and so that isnt another choice for us. Luckily, he hasn't had any other problems with that particular group ,.but he has stuff stolen regularly,people.pouring ink over his work, the list goes on.
If you can move your boy to a new school, I would.
That p.e teachers methods are also bizzare.
I wish you nothing but the best.

Well said @halloweenie13

What a terrible situation for your son to be in, Op. I feel so sorry for both you and him right now. If moving schools is an option I would do that.

Some schools can have utter rubbish policies and weird ways of dealing with things. Imagine making kids change over and over again. But I second a pp, sexual assault is very very serious and your son was groped or touched inappropriately means you must file a serious police report.

This is definitely not acceptable and the school are clearly not doing enough.

To clarify, So he has been both beaten up and sexually abused/"touched at school and nothing was done??

Please, move him. And report to ofsted. What a shambles.

Good luck

Basically the school have said the boy who did the touching "didnt know what he did was wrong, and genuinely didnt realise the consequences of what he had done"!!!!! So as far as the school are concerned, their usual "sanctions" are appropriate level punishment. Like I said, I did call the police to report it but was told to let the school deal with it internally, but if after that I wasnt satisfied then I could call them (101) again. I do have a reference number to. My problem is I dont have money for a solicitor and I'm on a very very low wage. I'm fuming and feel sick to my stomach about what's happening. Part of making things right for my son at school should surely be them showing my son that they're taking it all seriously. A detention does not give that message at all - in fact it just reinforces the message that schools dont care about the right people, and not enough to stamp bullying and harassment out.

Wow OP that's horrendous.

I think when we deal with any type of bullying g at school we don't get far if we concentrate on the bullies and their sanctions.

The real focus here is DS and the school. Don't allow the school to side step the issue by giving them a chance to discuss the perpetrators. Ask them how your DS is safe. What are they doing to make sure he is never sexually physically assaulted again. Ever. What are they doing to make his learning environment conducive to learning. They are entirely responsible here for his safety. Ask what support they have in place for children who are traumatised (DS may not be but they need to be aware that he could be).

Focus 100% on your son + the school's responsibilities in the discussion.

However, if there's a possibility to move schools I'd be exploring that too, even though it's hard. The school seems not to understand the most basic safeguarding and the PE teacher needs some serious retraining. A collective punishment because two victims of sexual and physical assault reported it?! WTAF?! And the perpetrators "didn't understand" the impact of their actions?! It's the responsible adults' job to make sure they understand!

I'm so sorry this has happened to your son. You sound like you're fighting for him though which is one of the best things you can do, regardless of the outcome. That shows him that he's loved, believed and supported, as well as puts a giant barrier up showing an unacceptable line has been crossed. These are all extremely important.

OP, the advice you were given by the police call centre operator is wrong.sexual touching is a crime anywhere. Ring them back and tell them you want to make a formal complaint of sexual assault. They must deal with it as a crime. The school internal investigation is separate. I worked in this area for years. The police will ask to do a video interview of your child to record his account of what happened then ask you to do a statement confirming what your son said to you when he came home.

You then go to the head of safeguarding and inform them that you have instigated a complaint of sexual touching to the police.you can ask them to ensure these boys no longer do pe together and/or sit way from your son in any class.

Then if these boys target your son on at least two occasions with "any behaviour that causes your son upset or distress" you can make a formal complaint to the police if harassment. Tell the school this is what you will consider so. Police involvement ramps up the safeguarding duties in their eyes. Make sure you email the school with this information. Tell them what you expect from them don't ask them. An email trail is good because if they do not ensure your son is safe then you use it as evidence to go to Ofsted. The school have a duty to protect your son and other pupils from sexual behaviour.tell them if they do not implement their safeguarding duties you will be contacting Ofsted and will request they investigate the safeguarding failings.hope this helps.

If you think school isn’t dealing appropriately with safeguarding issues then it’s worth contacting the local authority’s lado.

Contact the authorities. Go beyond the rediculous school. And get your kid some classes in self defence to be able to self defend.
Sexual assault is the worst. Stand up for him. School isnt.

@PopsicleHustler

I cannot believe what I have just read. I am terribly sorry for what your son went through andi actually at this point, would be considering another school. My ds is 13, and went through a lot in year 7 and 8. He was even followed home, beaten up and filmed by a group of boys and the school just wanted to quickly sweep it under the carpet. My husband is really pushing for us all to move.in the new year,god willing and I will be thrilled for him to leave. The other nearby high school isnt so great either and so that isnt another choice for us. Luckily, he hasn't had any other problems with that particular group ,.but he has stuff stolen regularly,people.pouring ink over his work, the list goes on. If you can move your boy to a new school, I would. That p.e teachers methods are also bizzare. I wish you nothing but the best.

Thanks so much @popsiclehustler. I'm very sorry to hear what your poor boy went through too. That sounds terrible. I wish I knew what motivates some people to be like this. I came from a very emotionally abusive home but I didnt take it out on other kids at school. It's so horrible that our innocent kids have to be on the receiving end of this in the first place and then on top of that, the schools dont do much about it. Lots of talk but no action. Just lip service!!

@gonnabeok

OP, the advice you were given by the police call centre operator is wrong.sexual touching is a crime anywhere. Ring them back and tell them you want to make a formal complaint of sexual assault. They must deal with it as a crime. The school internal investigation is separate. I worked in this area for years. The police will ask to do a video interview of your child to record his account of what happened then ask you to do a statement confirming what your son said to you when he came home.

You then go to the head of safeguarding and inform them that you have instigated a complaint of sexual touching to the police.you can ask them to ensure these boys no longer do pe together and/or sit way from your son in any class.

Then if these boys target your son on at least two occasions with "any behaviour that causes your son upset or distress" you can make a formal complaint to the police if harassment. Tell the school this is what you will consider so. Police involvement ramps up the safeguarding duties in their eyes. Make sure you email the school with this information. Tell them what you expect from them don't ask them. An email trail is good because if they do not ensure your son is safe then you use it as evidence to go to Ofsted. The school have a duty to protect your son and other pupils from sexual behaviour.tell them if they do not implement their safeguarding duties you will be contacting Ofsted and will request they investigate the safeguarding failings.hope this helps.

I called NSPCC and while sympathetic, were not much help. They just said make a complaint to the school and ask for their bullying policy document.

I then called 101 and explained everything again (they had all the details from when I called and told them everything last Friday) and they were more helpful. They said I should firstly issue a complaint to the Head Teacher and see what comes of that and then if necessary make a formal complaint against the school via the Dept for Education. The police call handler I spoke to said she would pass the case to the local Youth Neighbourhood Prevention Team and they will make contact with the school to start the safeguarding process. They didnt say anything about it being a crime though and didnt say anything about taking a video statement from my son. Does this sound right?

Talking whatever the word was?! To someone who sexually assaulted him then threatened with physical assault? Absolutely fucking not.

No that's not right. The problem is some call handlers are civilians and don't fully understand the law. Ring back and ask to speak to the duty sergeant for your area.tell them you wish to make a complaint of sexual touching and you would like it investigating as a crime. Any crime should be investigated separately from any school process. I know I did it for over 20 years.

This is horrendous, well done for fighting for him. I’d call your local social services too, their number should come up if you Google it and the receptionist will get you to the right department. The LADO is the person who would deal with the school’s failure to safeguard your child but you could get advice from the MASH/first response team too as they should potentially be investigating the perpetrators as early sexualised behaviour could be a sign they’re being abused too. They should also be able to sign port you to some support for your son if he needs it but I am blown away by the police response that it’s only a school matter?!

@gonnabeok

No that's not right. The problem is some call handlers are civilians and don't fully understand the law. Ring back and ask to speak to the duty sergeant for your area.tell them you wish to make a complaint of sexual touching and you would like it investigating as a crime. Any crime should be investigated separately from any school process. I know I did it for over 20 years.

Hi could we please spk on pm? Would that be possible?

Schools have all recently been issued with advice on sexual violence and sexual harassment. It should be reflected in their behaviour policy and safeguarding policy and should be treated very seriously. Sexual misconduct is also not an exclusion category.
Your son has the right to feel safe at school and the school haven't achieved this. You would be well within your rights to complain to OFSTSD. They will then pass the complaint or the Local Authority who will investigate it and report back to OFSTEX.

OP, so sorry to hear about your DS, We changed my DD’s school from an outstanding Ofsted school but with bullying issues out of control which she endured on and off for a year. Best move ever, within the week she was settled in a much smaller school and quickly made friends. However this wasn’t our first choice to move her to, because of social media bullying can follow them, my DD’s bullies primed their friends at our first obvious school move, they thought she was off there, we have evidence of msgs sent to get her ‘f*cked up’, so we choose a school slightly out of area and she has been able to settle in without issue. My only regret is not having moved her sooner. It’s a PITA to change and I do feel the bullies won, her old school asked me what it would take for my DD to return and I said permanent exclusion of bullies, 6 in total, well I knew that was never going to happen, they’re still there having turned their attention to some other poor kid and laughing about driving my DD out the school.

@JanetandJohn500

Schools have all recently been issued with advice on sexual violence and sexual harassment. It should be reflected in their behaviour policy and safeguarding policy and should be treated very seriously. Sexual misconduct is also not an exclusion category. Your son has the right to feel safe at school and the school haven't achieved this. You would be well within your rights to complain to OFSTSD. They will then pass the complaint or the Local Authority who will investigate it and report back to OFSTEX.

The schools anti bullying policy is very extensive and makes great reading. In practice however....

Op I would assume that the details of this are pretty pertinent. Whilst I would not expect you to go into detail on here, I also think it is impossible for people to give you accurate information about what is the correct response based on the information you have provided.
I am not saying that what the police have told you is incorrect or correct, but I would assume that the information you have given them and the NSPCC is more detailed and that they would therefore be able to give you more useful information than other posters on here.

Not all safeguarding concerns or complaints become criminal investigations. Some concerns or complaints do not meet the threshold for further action.

Sorry OP, yes of course I've only just seen your message, if you pm me we can arrange to speak

OP I’m really sorry that this has happened to your DS.
Find the schools complaints procedure and start a formal complaint, take the safeguarding policy and bullying policy and set out very clearly how this has not been followed. I would also find the schools whistleblowing policy and see what it says about whistleblowing and who to go to. Keep pushing the formal complaint through the system and keep escalating it unless you’re happy with the resolution.
Is the deputy head the DSL? If they aren’t then I would get back to the school immediately and ask to speak to the DSL. I would still complain regardless as the PE teacher’s reaction contravened all safeguarding training he should have had.
Ideally set out what resolution you’d like if you know. As a minimum the PE teacher needs retraining and potentially the deputy head as well as they’ve not followed good practice. I would also suggest your DS and the perpetrators are separated and never allowed to change together as well.
It would also be worth asking your local LADO for advice as you are complaining about the safeguarding behaviour of two members of staff, if the deputy head is the DSL then I would definitely contact them.

Ofsted and schools work differently to childcare settings and here they would almost certainly refer you back to the complaints procedure and it would be also sent back to the local authority this could potentially take a while. Schools also know that Ofsted rarely act on parental complaints unless they’ve exhausted the complaints procedure.

@Fastforwardtospring

OP, so sorry to hear about your DS, We changed my DD’s school from an outstanding Ofsted school but with bullying issues out of control which she endured on and off for a year. Best move ever, within the week she was settled in a much smaller school and quickly made friends. However this wasn’t our first choice to move her to, because of social media bullying can follow them, my DD’s bullies primed their friends at our first obvious school move, they thought she was off there, we have evidence of msgs sent to get her ‘f*cked up’, so we choose a school slightly out of area and she has been able to settle in without issue. My only regret is not having moved her sooner. It’s a PITA to change and I do feel the bullies won, her old school asked me what it would take for my DD to return and I said permanent exclusion of bullies, 6 in total, well I knew that was never going to happen, they’re still there having turned their attention to some other poor kid and laughing about driving my DD out the school.

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to your dd. Kids can be disgusting little scrotes cant they? She's very lucky to have parents like you - it's so good you got her into a good place for her though. I dont feel much hope in my sons case though, he's a lover not a fighter and just wants to get on with everybody, but that makes him a bit of a target as he thinks anyone who talks to him is immediately his friend. I have tried to tell him throughout his life that although that is a great trait, he has to be wary of people and his surroundings. Not everyone is your friend.

Thanks so much for all your supportive replies. An officer from the Local Neighbourhood Prevention Team has just called me and taken a full statement, hes now recorded both things that happened as crimes and will also be putting the safeguarding teams into action. He'll also be liaising with the school over the pe teacher's handling of the incident and the bizarre punishment he handed out instead of following school safeguarding procedures. I'm just crossing my fingers now that things can progress in a proper manner. I'll try to update as things go