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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guy at work

10 replies

Missmummy88 · 24/11/2021 22:54

So I work quite closely with a guy at work (he’s remote - never met him) but by the nature of our jobs are often on zoom 3-4 hours a day and chatting frequently about projects. Last week after I asked him about 8 questions in a row I said “you’ll be sick of me by December” ( the end of our project) he said “not with your beautiful eyes”. I brushed it off and carried on although I felt uneasy.

Today a colleague who is in her early 20s came to me and told me he had been telling her about the strip clubs he’d been too and how hard he finds it to be teased and not finish.

Alarm bells were ringing so immediately pulled our line manager to tell him of both incidents. He escalated it and he was given a talking to - not a formal grievance.

Since then, he has apologised but hasn’t answered my calls or messages. Should I have spoken to him about it first? The next month is going to be so awkward - I can’t help but think I should have flagged the inappropriate behaviour directly. Was I unreasonable to escalate without talking to him first? I feel like I’ve betrayed the trust we have as a team.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 24/11/2021 22:56

Do you and your other female colleague feel more at ease? If so, then leave him to his sulk. Why is the team spirit your responsibility not his?

He was out of line and has been told so. Quite right.

AutumnLeaves21 · 24/11/2021 22:58

You don’t owe him anything, and you dealt with it entirely appropriately. Don’t give it a second thought.

BobbieT1999 · 24/11/2021 22:59

Some people would have done but I don't think it really matters either way. You've nipped it in the bud ASAP and that's important...Too many people are permitted to get away with the smaller incidents because no one wants to accuse them or upset them and then it either eventually escalates or becomes embedded in the culture which is a whole other kettle of fish.

Don't feel bad for ending sexual harassment when it starts.

whatstobecomeofus · 24/11/2021 23:00

It's not for you to worry about. He was offensive and it was appropriate for management to have addressed the issue because that's what they're there for. He shouldn't have been so horrible, he's the one at fault.

ErrolTheDragon · 24/11/2021 23:04

If you mean he's now not responding to work related messages from you then he's compounding his unprofessional behaviour.

Animood · 24/11/2021 23:06

You did exactly the right thing.

Don't second guess yourself. Completely inappropriate comments.

He should feel awks, not you!

Missmummy88 · 24/11/2021 23:10

Thank you this is reassuring to hear. Yes only work related calls and messages, which he’d usually respond to within 5 minutes have gone all afternoon unanswered.

OP posts:
BobbieT1999 · 24/11/2021 23:14

So he's having a sulk because he was called out for his behaviour which, come on, he'll have known was inappropriate!

Diddums.

BobbieT1999 · 24/11/2021 23:46

...a bit like John Barrowman, really.

EuromamaAussiekids · 25/11/2021 06:22

I think the strip club comment is completely out of line. Sexual harassment.

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