Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think married friends can be more selfish than single friends?

31 replies

LemonKnickers · 24/11/2021 22:36

I have quite a few friends. I am divorced and really don't want to be in a relationship again. I enjoy my life and don't want any more drama.
Lately I have noticed there is a difference in behaviour between married and single friends.
I am getting fed up with married friends that offload all their marital difficulties on me but then you don't hear from them when they are getting on with their husbands.
They don't seem to realise that living on your own can be a challenge at times.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2021 12:08

@Joonio

I have one friend that can only see me when her husband is doing something else. When I phone her he listens and makes remarks about what I have said.
Are you worried about your friend? That sounds like a really dodgy relationship.
ButterfliesAndDaffodils · 25/11/2021 12:38

@DeeCeeCherry

I have a single friend who'd like to be in a relationship. She has 3 married friends who like to rock up to hers with wine, spend the whole evening whinging about their husbands and telling her she's so lucky to be single 🙄. Then they go home to their husbands.

So rude

Oh I can relate to this. I'm married, but unfortunately we can't have children (which we only found out not that long ago and are still coming to terms with). Met up with a couple of friends recently who talked for hours about the difficulties of parenting. Which is absolutely fine, I am always happy to listen to my friends. But after three hours of this, and a couple of cocktails, when one of them said 'you just don't know hard it is' I replied 'no, I kind of wish that I could know', I was then told at length that I was lucky, I get to enjoy life with no responsibilities (ha, if only), and that really I should be grateful that I can't have children, as I'd never have to worry about any of the stuff they do.

Whereas another friend, who has three very young children, yes, talks to me about the stresses and worries that she has. Then also asks about mine. That's the key, isn't it?

Selfish people are selfish, @LemonKnickers, whether they are married, single, parents, grandparents. I don't think it's the fact that your friends are married that makes them selfish (no more than my 'friends' being parents makes them), it's just that they are selfish.

I realise the irony that in talking about others being selfish, I've wittered on about myself on your thread, which is pretty selfish. So I guess I too am selfish, but at least self-aware Wink

KosherDill · 25/11/2021 12:55

@Whatabambam

I think what you are feeling here is that they value your friendship during their difficulties and dispense with you when they are happy because you don't fit in with their coupledom. I totally get this.

Well said. It's very common.

abstractprojection · 26/11/2021 21:18

There could be a mix of a few things going here

They did before and are being insensitive now that you are post-divorce and single

They didn’t, but now you are single they might be looking for someone to encourage them to be to

You’re just the one that answers, returns the message first, let’s then talk the most

Your are a very supportive friend but they don’t release you are doing this for others as well and that you might need some yourself

They’re just the sort of people they only reach out when they need something

Duchess379 · 26/11/2021 22:04

A couple of my friends got married & stopped inviting me out because I was single - they liked having their 'married couple' dates. People are like that. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Animood · 26/11/2021 22:24

I really think when you're single, you need lots of other single friends.

Married / couples up people are also good to have as friends, but there are some experiences...

  • complaining extensively about their partner. To the point where you wonder why they're together. Then the next time you see them they're playing happy fucking families???
  • wanting to hear about your horrific online dating stories then laughing smugly. I don't laugh at your husbands sexual incontenece bitch. Just saying.
  • say things like "don't worry you'll find someone". Errr I wasn't worried and I'm totally cool with not "finding someone".
  • talking about a new partners family as if they're their family. Prioritising their new OH sister over your 20 year friendship. Yep coz that's totally cool.
New posts on this thread. Refresh page