Too old for an assessment?

[Trufflehops]

I’m almost 50. Grown up kids, in a job I love and relatively happy with my lot. Except…I am scatty, forgetful, disorganised, easily bored and distracted and constantly losing things!

I also have quite bad anxiety which is medicated. I think I just ‘live on my nerves’. I suspect I have too much adrenaline (fast heart rate, racing thoughts).

So, I’ve generally just muddled through life without ever landing myself in (too much) trouble. But I must admit I do my own head in sometimes. Not a day goes by when I don’t lose something significant (lkeys, bag, phone). Forgetting appointments is second nature to me. It does get me down and irritates people I live/work with, more that I think they admit.

Ive been like this for as long as I can remember.

Is it worth me getting an ADHD assessment at my age? Can I be fixed???

My friend went private for her diagnosis.. Since then she has done a degree, a masters and is applying to do a PHD soon.
She hasn't let her diagnosis stop her. In fact she felt more confident in herself.

I’ve looked into private assessments and I’m happy to pay. I haven’t done too bad academically although I was a pain in the arse at school. I was always in trouble for daft things despite trying hard to be ‘good’.

Managed to go to uni and get a decent job. I think I (again) just muddled through. Late assignments, rushed/last minute work etc.

You can't 'fix' those of us with ADHD; we are neurodivergent, not neurobroken. And, we all present differently.
I'd say go for it, if you can afford to go privately.
I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life.

You’re right esloquehey. I was being flippant. Apologies.

I don’t think I want meds, I just want to try and understand myself better and stop the constant chaos. If I was diagnosed, I would probably have some counselling/CBT to try and change behaviours.

How old were you when you were diagnosed, if you don’t mind me asking?

Hi there. Sorry to hear that although successful, you are feeling fed up with some aspects of your life. I really think that it's never too let to get an assessment to help you understand what may be underlying some of your behaviours and hopefully lead you to developing some support strategies. I would really recommend the ADHD foundation. Their website has a range of fantastic information for young people and adults and they also carry out private assessments. Good luck.

Absolutely it is.

Oh gosh- I meant isn’t too late. What a typo. Apologies!

If nothing else for self understanding and acceptance of who you are.

Howdidiget - thank you, I’ll take a look at the website.

Chronicallymothering - loved the typo! :) Thanks.

My friend just got diagnosed with ADHD in her 50s. She’s all over FB with how much it has helped her daily life - now that she understands what’s going on, she can put in place appropriate methods to help or just acknowledge that certain things will happen and adjust. Rather than constantly ‘trying harder’ which she had been doing (unsuccessfully).

I wouldn't rule out ASD either to be honest. Poor executive function is common as is difficulty concentrating due to not being able to filter out distractions - I'm the same and have a son with ASD who is also the same. Depends on your social skills, being a literal thinker etc though obviously.

It's never too late. Remember though you don't need a diagnosis to get help with your challenges, keys on a lanyard, writing yourself notes to remember things, there are lots of strategies to help cope with poor executive function. You won't be fixed though as you're not broke!

You say you are almost 50. Everything you say are typical outcomes of the perimenopause.

It could be that you had some tendencies towards adhd, but the menopause dors significantly impact on adrenalin.

I feel hyper all the time, thoughts buzzing around, songs non stop in my head, I can't seem to be able to relax. I suffer from tinnitus, struggle to concentrate, memory all over the place.

I did wonder about ADHD and at times have been desperate for a diagnosis, but ultimately, what difference would it make? I've managed ok until now and if I don't now, it's because of the menopause, so am focusing on that and crossing fingers it will all get better again when it's over.

Never too late. I was diagnosed recently aged 59.

I can't find medication I can take or that works.

You will never be fixed. The good thing is in knowing it's not that you are defective.

It's probably too late for us but eventually perhaps the world will be run in a way that is accepting of how we are and we can stop living in circumstances of hating ourselves and being told we are crap all the time.

I fucked up my University career - I've been failing at a series of highly paid jobs ever since :)

ADHD is far, far more than these things, though. It's not just being a bit scatty, it's things like poor emotional regulation leading to outbursts, being unable to turn take properly in conversations and having serious problems with prioritisation of tasks, often to the extent of ruining relationships. Do these things apply to you? Because if not, I don't really see why you think you have ADHD. I have it and I don't really lose things or forget appointments much - it's much more insidious than that. I'm not saying you don't have it, but some people just are a bit scatty and forgetful.

I was diagnosed with autism at age 45 and adhd at age 50. I can't take the adhd medication. It's worth getting an assessment because it helps you understand yourself.

@dabbydeedoo

ADHD is far, far more than these things, though. It's not just being a bit scatty, it's things like poor emotional regulation leading to outbursts, being unable to turn take properly in conversations and having serious problems with prioritisation of tasks, often to the extent of ruining relationships. Do these things apply to you? Because if not, I don't really see why you think you have ADHD. I have it and I don't really lose things or forget appointments much - it's much more insidious than that. I'm not saying you don't have it, but some people just are a bit scatty and forgetful.

Exactly. These traits :"scatty, forgetful, disorganised, easily bored and distracted and constantly losing things!" are relatively easily explained by a diagnosis of anxiety.

@VividGemini or just a personality trait! It irritates me how so many people think ADHD is being a bit scatty/disorganised or a bit of a procrastinator. It's a serious condition that ruins people's lives, not some charming little quirk.

My DH was diagnosed last year, aged 47, based on a similar profile to yours and following diagnosis of DS#2. It has been life-changing for him, at least partly because he now understands he's not lazy or morally deficient, he's wired differently. His life can now be clearly divided into before and after diagnosis (and medication) because he's no longer running madly to catch up with himself and failing daily. His mental health has improved hugely and the anxiety and depression he was also medicated for has turned out not to exist after all.

Since then, all the children have also been diagnosed with varying levels of it.

Dabbydeedo - I can see where you’re coming from but surely ADHD is not the same for everyone.

Of course it’s not just about being scatty. The chaos of everyday life is bloody stressful and I do have issues with emotional regulation.

I’m not trying to convince anyone on here that I ‘deserve’ a diagnosis. I will leave that to a professional.

Thank you to everyone for your replies.

@Trufflehops

Dabbydeedo - I can see where you’re coming from but surely ADHD is not the same for everyone.

Of course it’s not just about being scatty. The chaos of everyday life is bloody stressful and I do have issues with emotional regulation.

I’m not trying to convince anyone on here that I ‘deserve’ a diagnosis. I will leave that to a professional.

Sure, I'm not saying you do or don't. It's just very wearing to constantly have people going 'oh I think I have ADHD as well because I always forget my keys/get bored easily'.

It’s never too late OP!
I also muddled along but diagnosis helped me realise I wasn’t just incompetent.
I have been this way since a child though scatty, disorganised etc defo not anxiety as very confident. I only passed school and uni as I spent all my life studying and doing nothing else. I only started to struggle as an adult because I couldn’t just sit in my room and hyper focus 😇 to the detriment of everything else
If you can afford it why not?

That’s exactly it! I’m sick of feeling incompetent. I feel like people despair of me a lot of the time and that damages self esteem.

I can understand where people are coming from with people ‘jumping on the ADHD thing’ because they occasionally lose things. I suppose it’s the same as people saying they have OCD because they have an organised book shelf!

This thread has provided some interesting insights. Much appreciated.

@Trufflehops

That’s exactly it! I’m sick of feeling incompetent. I feel like people despair of me a lot of the time and that damages self esteem.

I can understand where people are coming from with people ‘jumping on the ADHD thing’ because they occasionally lose things. I suppose it’s the same as people saying they have OCD because they have an organised book shelf!

This thread has provided some interesting insights. Much appreciated.

That was very much DH's feeling, and DS's. They truly wanted to do the things and not be chaotic but they just couldn't make it happen and couldn't understand why. It has also massively helped with DH's inability to control food or money.

Deffo!

Please take no notice of people saying you don't have it, because my next door neighbour's son's ex wife is not like this with an adhd diagnosis ...

The whole issue with diagnosis is its the combination of core traits, plus the severity and chronicity and how global these are...

As you probably know, ADHD is underdiagnosed in women. As the stereotypical person with it is a young lad bouncing off the ceiling. You dibt have to present as hyperactive to have adhd diagnosis!

Go for it!

Lots of different help:

Peer support ADHD and women - lots of FB groups.

ADHD coaches - pal has used and has made HUGE difference to their life.

Medication, obvs.

Go for it! Good luck