BFs sleeping over

[Wallywobbles]

How do other parents who disagree work this out? When one parent doesn't want anything to do with the kids partners until they are living together/ready to get married.

And the other parent want to know the kids friends and BFs and have them over.

We live in France. Legal age of sexual consent is 15.

DD1 is 17 new bf
DD2 15 new bf
DSD 15 bf of 18 months.

DD1 has previously had long term BF he was never allowed to stay over.

He came over for the day once and my DH took his kids out for the day so they wouldn't see him (despite all being at the same school). So she stayed over at his house or at a family friends.

DSD (15) has been sleeping with her BF for pretty much all the time they have been together. DH has strongly discouraged us from meeting him. He has never even seen him at a distance. He seems to be a nice enough, straight laced 17 yo. Luckily DSD is 50/50 so she gets to stay over have him to stay etc every other week.

So In theory they could all stay over but DH would leave. So what do other parents in disagreement do?

I invited DD2 bf and his mum out to supper last night to meet them. DH is mighty fucked off.

Honestly he's a good man. But I don't know how we get through this.

I think it's bizarre that you wouldn't want to get to know your child's partner until they were about to get married. Doesn't your DH want a relationship with these people? Yes, they may not be the partners your kids stay with for life, but by not meeting them your DH is being disrespectful in my opinion.

The staying over is a separate issue.

What's wrong with him? Why wouldn't he want to get to know the people your kids are spending majority of their time with and are sleeping with...

This is so strange! Having issues with boyfriends staying the night - I get that. But not wanting to meet the boy?! Never wanting him in the house?!?

Are there religious issues at play here? Is he opposed to any pre-marital relationships?

As for finding a middle ground, I don't know how you do when his position is so off the scale. But I guess a compromise would be the boys are allowed (welcomed even?! ) during the day or evenings but never overnight

So instead of conducting their relationship in a safe space he was wants them to creep around having sex in unsuitable, probably unsafe places (meaning contraception will more likely to be compromised,/not used)

It's the 21st century young people will have relationships and that will include having sex. Your husband needs to bring his thinking up to date.

I think it’s a bit suffocating for parents to be too involved with boyfriends at that age (I’ll say boyfriends, as that’s your situation here).

Meet them, yes… but I think young adults need space in their relationships.

I’m not mad keen on all this staying over, either. It’s not a moral thing it’s more… I don’t know, it just seems to be fast forwarding life, you know? In my day (sorry!) we had to fumble in the afternoon if we got the house to ourselves, or shag in the car. Which was all quite exciting really. It’s a rite of passage to get your own house - albeit a house share or uni room - and be able to spend the night with your boyfriend. I just feel that kids today (again, sorry!) need to wait their turn.

All that said, your husband sounds silly. I certainly wouldn’t have my second husband dictate my decision for my children.

You’re all rather blasé about the (under)age of the youngest when starting to have sex.

I do think 15 is too young for boyfriends sleeping over - but as I said, it’s because I think children seem to get everything on a plate these days, and it would do them no harm to wait.

Wow... Is your DH always this dim ?

Is he always this avoidant?

These boyfriends are willing to meet you, and unless they're engaged... At. 17 ffs... He's not interested??

Wow...

I wouldn't particularly want to meet the boy who'd been knocking off my fifteen year old daughter for 18 months, tbh . . .

So your DSD has been sleeping with this boy from 13?

I think your DH should meet them.
I wouldn’t want BF sleeping over in my house either tbh.

I can’t get past your 13 yo DSD sleeping with her boyfriend and you seem ok with that. She was and is a child. Your husband, I the other hand, should be ashamed of his behaviour.

DSD was 14 rather than 13 when it started. Which I do think is too young. I think 15 is too young frankly but I can't change that.

And if I was honest with myself I was like them but never met a willing boy until I was 16.

None of this is helped by living so rurally.

Anyway thank you all. He is so convinced his position is right but in the face of reality it's not helpful.

Also..
How cna you protect your kids from exploitative people UNLESS you get to know them!

Indeed. And teen life here seems very advanced here in comparison to my teen years.

My DD have a psychopathic father who lost parental responsibility 6 years ago thank god. But they have grown up with me banging on about bodily rights, enthusiastic yes etc. They've looked at the out of the fog website, they browse MN occassionally So hopefully a tiny bit of it has sunk in. Im conscious it will be a minute amount.