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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask dp's son to do a LFT

27 replies

GoodJob · 24/11/2021 18:49

Dd is having an operation next Saturday. This is a massively long awaited for operation which will make a real difference to her quality of life and it's been cancelled and moved a few times by the hospital. The hospital suggested that she quarantine for 10 days to 2 weeks to make sure she was Covid negative. She has to have a PCR test next Thursday.

We are all vaccinated and tbh have been fairly diligent about the Covid restrictions throughout the pandemic but we're not health anxious people in any way but we are rule followers if that makes sense!

Dp lives with us but only because he lost his job in Covid and was struggling to support himself. Without asking me, he invited his adult son to come and stay with us for 4 days. I came downstairs to find him sitting in the living room. I pulled dp aside and asked why he didn't mention it and he said it's only for a few days and he's going to be in and out seeing friends and going out anyway (we live in London and he's taking advantage of that).

I've told dp he should do a LFT. Dp is saying he does not want to ask him as it will make him feel unwelcome but I think it's just a sensible precaution. If dd couldn't have her operation this time because he brought covid into the house we would all be utterly devastated! I also think dp's son would understand (he's 23) as he knows about the operation and would appreciate the sensitivity.

I'm now thinking dp deliberately didn't tell me because he knew I would be pissed off. So AIBU asking him to do one if dp won't? Even worse he is a little bit sniffly and sneezing so he obviously has a touch of a cold already fgs.

OP posts:
Cloverforever · 24/11/2021 18:53

Bloody hell, just tell him to do a test. It's your house! Sounds like you have bigger issues going on though.

FestiveMayo · 24/11/2021 18:53

Without asking me, he invited his adult son to come and stay with us for 4 days I'd be telling him and his son to get out now. How DARE he risk your daughter's operation like this. What a freeloader.

Hoolahupsaresquare · 24/11/2021 18:53

It’s a bit late now if he’s already in your house.

He shouldn’t be there at all if your DD is quarantining - what was your DP thinking ??

GoodJob · 24/11/2021 18:54

I suspect he wasn't thinking grrrr

OP posts:
FestiveMayo · 24/11/2021 18:54

If he's going out and about that makes it even worse.

GoodJob · 24/11/2021 18:54

Son is out now so I will ask him when he gets home. Thanks, I didn't think I was overreacting.

OP posts:
Sparklespangle · 24/11/2021 18:55

Tell them both to sod of to a hotel. How incredibly inconsiderate.

Jibberjabberhutt · 24/11/2021 18:55

Tell him to do a test. Point out the credibly important reason why. Then read the riot act to your idiot of a partner. This isn’t about being paranoid, this is about making sure your poor daughter gets her long-awaited operation and minimising things that may fuck it up for her.

TooWicked · 24/11/2021 18:55

Yeah, your ‘D’P and his son need to take themselves off to stay in a hotel.

FestiveMayo · 24/11/2021 18:55

@GoodJob

I suspect he wasn't thinking grrrr
Seriously?! How is he not thinking of your daughters operation?!

Of course you can ask him, it's your house yes?

GoodJob · 24/11/2021 18:55

@FestiveMayo

If he's going out and about that makes it even worse.
Yes. I will have a word with him when he's back. If he's here to see his dad, he can stay in and see him! If he's here to see his mates, he really should go and stay with them.
OP posts:
MissAmbrosia · 24/11/2021 18:56

Sod the test - he needs to leave now.

FestiveMayo · 24/11/2021 18:56

If anything you seem to be undereacting!

Hoolahupsaresquare · 24/11/2021 18:58

I’d have told him he couldn’t stay when I found him in the living room to be honest.

Jibberjabberhutt · 24/11/2021 18:59

Incredibly*

ContadoraExplorer · 24/11/2021 19:01

@FestiveMayo

If anything you seem to be undereacting!
This. How dare he jeopardise your daughters health?! Both would have been out of the house before they could do anything more if it were me.
GoodJob · 24/11/2021 19:03

I think I was just so bloody shocked! And he reacted like it was nothing!

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 24/11/2021 19:07

So he moved in with you as he lost his job?

Does he work now?

Son needs to leave. He cannot come and go as he pleases whilst you DD isolates for an operation

JulyWind · 24/11/2021 19:09

YANBU at all! That's so poor of your partner.

It doesn't matter in this situation who the other person is, his son or not, the child living in this house is supposed to be quarantining for something very important.

I'd be so annoyed at his lack of care for your DD.

And I'd expect any 23year old with an ounce of anything about them to be absolutely willing to do a test in this scenario (and tbh to go home as well once he knew the situation!).

Bagamoyo1 · 24/11/2021 19:11

If your DP is being stroppy about it and saying his son will feel unwelcome, you could always say that all of you are doing lateral flows in the run up to the surgery.

pigsDOfly · 24/11/2021 19:21

Surely if you DD is isolating everyone who comes into contact with her should be isolating as well. That's what happened prior to my DD's DP having an operation, or have the rules changed?

Is your DD being confined to one room in your house while your DP's son goes out and meets with his friends?

That's madness.

DP and son need to leave. Your DP is showing a serious lack of care for your DD that I would find completely unacceptable.

He son will feel unwelcome? What the hell.

ToughTittyWhompus · 24/11/2021 19:23

Kick the pair of them out.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/11/2021 19:26

You sound so passive.

This guys has moved into your house and then moved his son in? Without even asking you?

Kick them both out!

Surely your first priority at the moment should be your daughters operation and health?

If you put these two, or the fear of upsetting them before HER HEALTH, it will have long-lasting repercussions.

I say this as the daughter on the other side of this, and it took me years to forgive my mother.

JustLyra · 24/11/2021 19:29

So he’s moved in with you because he’s lost his job - presumably that means you are doing him a favour financially?

And this is how he repays you?

I’d apologise to the son. Tell him that his Dad didn’t ask you and if he had you’d have pointed out it was the wrong time so he’ll have to go and stay with a mate.

And I’d kick your DP out to sponge off someone else.

How dare he put your DD’s operation at risk like that?!

Blanca87 · 24/11/2021 19:31

Sounds like you have Mega Cocklodger living with you, being a cheeky bastard and you are just being so passive. Does MCL pay his way or is he still in between jobs…