Hi all,
Just looking for some advice re: potential long-distance relationship. I met my boyfriend two years ago after finishing an apprenticeship in Scotland- He’s American and is here on a working visa. I’m 23, he’s 24, for context, as I’m sure our age is relevant to the situation. As I was done with my education and there was a viable Visa route, I decided I would move with him to America when his Visa finishes in February 2022. My industry has equal opportunities there and my qualifications move over. He has plans to move back to the UK in two years for a work opportunity, at least temporarily, so I always knew my time in America would be capped and that if we did break up, I’d be able to return to the UK whenever. Low risk, no kids, houses or loans involved. Assuming we stay together (we have a solid relationship, great communication, however), the plan was that we would then reconvene in the UK after a couple in years in America. The only ‘cloud’ in our relationship is that we are both from different countries and don’t know where we’ll end up long term- However we both agree that knowing he wants to end up in the UK in two years’ time (for at least a year) is enough for now and that we will worry about our ‘permanent’ location in the future when a) we have been dating much longer term and will be in a position to think about higher commitment, such as getting engaged and b) will both have developed careers, be older and be in a better position to think more seriously about where we want to spend our lives rather than being two, fresh graduates just speculating. In short, we’re committed but also realistic that we’re both young and things change quickly.
However, slight hitch- Since finishing my apprenticeship, I’ve realized I want to do the ‘next level’ up, so to speak. The course starts in September, in the UK. And I’m completely stuck on what to do. I know I want to do the course- It gives me the opportunity to be self-employed in my industry, something I’ve wanted for ages- But I don’t know where!
If I do the course in the UK, I can move back in with my parents, work part time, have a student loan for funding and focus on what is a challenging, two year course. I’d have ample holidays as a student, so I’d be able to visit my boyfriend frequently in America. It would be low-stress, but I wouldn’t get to be with my boyfriend. Assumedly, we’d do long distance until he himself has fully qualified and returns to the UK for work.
The other option is doing the course in America- It’ll finish right around the time my boyfriend returns to the UK, so long distance would be avoided. But- and here’s the caveat- it’s expensive. I’d have to work pretty much full-time, whilst studying and paying rent. Also, the qualification has a work experience element and whilst doable, I’d struggle a lot more trying to find an employer willing to invest money in training me as a foreign national with temporary status. I’d also have to transfer my qualification back to the UK after, with yet more studying. At the same time, I’m interested in exploring a new city and I’m aware living abroad for a bit would present many new opportunities and broaden my horizons.
I’m also struggling with the idea of putting myself through all of this when I know that my friends doing Master’s and similar are living at home with the support of their families and the standard student loans- If I do study in America, I’m scared I’m going to become envious and resentful of my harder financial situation, even though I’d be making that choice myself.
AIBU to ask what you’d do? AIBU to even consider taking this on to avoid long distance?
I’m not some crazy, infatuated teenager making stupid decisions. But, it’s hard when our relationship is serious, going so well and I’m keen to avoid long distance. At the same time, I’m aware I’m still young, I have limited experience as a fully-functional adult and I might also just need someone to talk some sense into me. My heart is telling me to study in America, but my head tells me I’m an idiot for even considering making my education harder and potentially jeopardizing it at such a young age, especially when I’m the one making the sacrifice and we could technically break up at any point down the line.
FWIW, I do still have plans to spend Feb-October in America with my partner until my course states, even if I do go with the UK option.
Thanks so much.