Adult children/Rent

[CreakyKnees01]

My adult DD moved back home several weeks ago after she split with her partner.
I am happy to have her home but she also brought her young dog so it has not been without its challenges!
She works hard as a carer so not on a high wage
I'm not a high earner either. I am a single parent with one teenager still at home.
This morning I broached the subject of rent (to mainly cover the loss of single person discount on my council tax) and she has stormed out, very upset.
When she moved back, rent was vaguely discussed but as she had a big bill to pay, I said she didn't have to give me any rent for that month.
I have asked for her to start paying as of 1st Jan, giving her another month 'free'.
I asked for £250/month and to be honest, I would struggle to manage without any contribution.
So AIBU and how do I tackle this when she comes home?

And before anyone says "she's an adult she can do all that herself" she's still your child and is floundering and needs support. Good luck OP.

OP its clear she isnt truthful or responsible.

And bailouts are only enabling her.

You say you ''dont want her to move back in with him'' but she is an adult.
She knows you do not want this for her so is likely using that to be able to make her own rules. You are too soft, to put it bluntly and she knows this.

She wont even be truthful with you or forthcoming with her finances but expects you to fund her with yours? This cannot continue.

You must set boundaries and if she doesn't respect them, she goes.

Otherwise you are enabling her to live like this and actually rewarding her for it.

By giving her a home and 'muddling through' you are telling her that treating you like this is the best alternative.

She sounds like a spoilt brat!

Of course she should be contributing to the household.

Of course you're not being unreasonable, she'd have to pay twice that even if she moved into a shared house!

Is 250 the actual amount she's costing you by being there?

I don't think it's fair to compare it to what she would pay somewhere else, she's in her childhood home living with her family. I would only charge her for direct costs, like the CT discount and food.

It's only been a couple weeks, you say, she's probably still in a really bad place. Giving her until January is a good idea.

She has 2 choices, pay you rent or move out and pay 100% of everything which will cost a lot more. She has a dog she can't afford, and keeps getting into debt.

I would tell her that you want to sit down and help her work out a budget and that to do that, you need an honest picture of everything that she owes. Stepchange would help her to work out a payment plan if she owes a lot.

Sticking her head in the sand and refusing to discuss anything is not going to sort her problems out.

She can accept your help or she can move out.

and if she is leaving dog shit all over the garden then she needs to clear that up each and every time.

It sounds like she's in debt so that may be the reason may be she's flying off the handle, she might be embarrassed and worried causing her to be defensive. Not that that excuses her attitude but maybe she needs a talk and some help somewhere along the line, she still needs to understand as an adult she will have to pay her way and learn about money management

She isn't coming across well at all.

I cannot honestly fathom any adult that wouldn't want to contribute to where they were living. What kind of person honestly expects to live for free?

Is she maybe in more debt than your aware of op