I need advice

[LilSulli]

We have been together almost 10 years..... the past 4-5 I have tried to "help" with his mom. Who has repeatedly completely rearranged our lives for her comfort. In the past 2 years I have said many times that I don't want to go thru this again. She is very rude to me, disrespectful, petty and just nothing is good enough or done right for her. Even tho she refuses to lift a finger to do anything. How long am I supposed to be ok with this? I have repeatedly tried to talk to him about this and it always turns out that I'm just wrong. Someone please tell me something.

Why are you helping with his mother if she’s rude and he’s unpleasant about it?

Why are you doing anything for somebody that is rude to you?

It all started out bc she was sick and needed help. (4-5 years ago) now it's like it's expected of me to do and do and just deal with it. Honestly I have given up everything that was ever "mine" so I have no where to go, no income (she's made sure that she is the only job I have.)

Cut contact with her and let him deal with his own mother.

Run

Unless you're having a gun held to your head, you can say no. Get a job so you don't have time to care for his mum but it sounds like you should leave if your partner doesn't have your back

You are unfortunately enabling this situation and being conditioned to care for her. You do not need to put up with her rudeness and ingratitude. Can you be assertive, or get support to do so, and set yourself goals to get out. It sounds as if your p is prioritising her over your wellbeing. Do you all live together?

Find yourself another job, tell your partner his mother is his problem and you are not doing it any more, stop seeing her or doing anything for her when she calls you hand the phone to dp, she asks you to do something you say sorry you need to ask dp

If I were you I'd do my best to get a job, that way they'll have to make other arrangements. If they're struggling with it point them in the direction of their local council who will come and complete a needs assessment.
Imagine how resentful you're going to feel if this situation continues, only you can put a stop to it.

You aren’t “supposed” to put up with this, you can stop it whenever you’re ready to.

I’d suggest making a plan to extricate yourself - tell your DP you want to go back to work and will be applying for jobs therefore he needs to sort out new arrangements for his mother. Maybe put a timeframe on it to focus his mind. Honestly as others have said here - his mother his problem. For context, I quite like my MIL but I won’t be her full time carer and I certainly won’t put her ahead of my own well-being and future prospects.

I have had jobs. Went as far as working 6pm to 6am. She would start blowing my phone up by 9:30am. (I would leave work by 6:30, have my 2 kids on the bus by 7:20, maybe lay down by 8). Any appointment or interview I have if she knows anything she will have a emergency Dr. appointment. I feel stuck. The resentment is already there.

Dont tell her and then turn your phone off.

Yes we live together. We went as far as moving into a nice trailer, 2 weeks later she moved out, we moved in (as paying the rent) I made it very clear that I was done with the situation. 2 DAYS LATER SHE MOVED BACK IN!!

I just want to say Thank you to all of yall. I thought it was just me losing my mind!