Teenage Daughter

[MrsWashington]

My Daughter is 13 and in Year 8.

In the first year of high school she was well behaved and seemed to just have one friend. She wore glasses and was a little on the quiet side at school.

Fast forward to Year 8, now wearing her contact lenses which has given her more confidence instead of glasses and a new friendship group.

Three weeks ago she was swearing f**k off and such like. The week after I found out she had tried a vape she claimed she had one puff because everyone had tried it and she didn't like it.

She keeps bringing friends home after school, do not mind if there is only a couple. I specifically asked her tonight not to bring anyone home as I had an appointment. She did anyway, around 6 of them. I telephoned her and told her to tell her friends to go home and she was grounded and not to leave the house as she just keeps doing as she pleases.

When I arrived home she had gone out anyway even though I told her not to.

I drove around and found her and made her get in the car and brought her home. I did end up ranting at her because I'm at the end of my tether with her.

Am I too harsh or too soft? Shes my only daughter so I've never encountered this before.

@Nanny0gg Im not sure as my daughter has only joined this group of girls since September since she started in Year 8.

She only had one close girl friend in Year 7 and now she seems to have this new found confidence which is lovely and a new group of friends and maybe shes doing it to possibly fit in and make sure it stays that way. Im not sure.

Do these friends she hangs out with vape? That would bother me.

[quote MrsWashington]@icedcoffees I never said I wasn't home until 6.[/quote]
Fair enough, but you weren't home when she had her friends round either.

So why is it an issue for her to have friends over when you're not home for it to bother you?

@icedcoffees I was at an appointment just before school ended I would be home shortly after. I had told her earlier that day and reminded her by text I didn't want a houseful after having them in all weekend.

She went ahead and did it anyway despite me asking her not to.

You’ve been more than accommodating. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask for no visitors for one night. Your DD was rude and disrespectful to invite them, knowing that.

If you’re sure she’s not being pushed around and can’t stand up for herself, I’d tell her that you’ve had her friends over, fed them, etc, and she clearly doesn’t appreciate it, so either she listens when you explain you want a break, or you’ll have a simple ground rule: no friends over ever.

It’s fine people saying teens push the boundaries - they do. I was a terror, but I’d never have been so unappreciative of my mum or so disrespectful. She sounds very immature.

The number of people thinking you should have large groups of kids in your home every night. Ridiculous!!

I absolutely wouldn't put up with that, last thing your want when you are tired after a hard day.

Sorry, she's Year 8? She can follow your rules and that's it really.

Take her contact lenses away and give her back her glasses!

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

Take her contact lenses away and give her back her glasses!

And the award for most ridiculous comment goes to...

@CJsGoldfish

OP, you are always going to have people telling you that teens "all do it" or "have to do it" or every other justification for lax parenting. Next they'll be telling you you should be buying her alcohol and dropping her off wherever she likes 🤣

I wouldn't be spoken to that way and I wouldn't accept such clear dismissal of MY wants. Completely ignoring you and doing it anyway is rude and defiant and not ok. So no, I don't think you are being too hard on her.

This

We all have different boundaries and values. You set your rules according to these and she abides by them. Treat each other with respect of course.

I’d absolutely hate having 6 teens in my home every day. 6! I agree with you- 1 or 2. I wouldn’t want that everyday either tbh

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

Take her contact lenses away and give her back her glasses!

Thank you, KurtWildes, for the award - I am now truly chuffed!

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 Absolutely not. I would never take her contact lenses away and make her wear glasses again. She was very self conscious in Year 7 with her glasses.

I can't believe the posters on here who think its perfectly fine for a 13 year old to have half a dozen friends around unsupervised on a school night despite been told not to? Thanks awful parenting and makes the posters sound like young teens themselves. Yes its her home but there are ground rules to be met.