Negative people - how do you switch them off?

[RainbowBriteUk]

I have people in my life who are so negative. It's just draining. They don't bring any positivity to my life and I don't look forward to seeing them. I can't cut all ties. How do I cope with them and let go some of the burden?

If you really can't cut all ties then you need to limit the amount of time you spend actually talking to them. So, if it's a colleague, then you can make polite excuses to step away from the conversation.

Negative people rarely change. They like being miserable and find being positive exhausting. At least, that's what I've found. I always pull away from negative people as life is too short to be dragged down into their misery pit.

This is tough! I have this with a close family member, ever time I saw them it was draining AF.

So to change this, I had to change my mindset as they clearly weren't going to change, and I can't help but spend time with them in family situations.

Firstly - I don't entertain the negativity. When they're commenting open negative comments, looking for a reception from me or an "oh no you poor thing / that's terrible / how could that happen / oh my god you're right that's awful" I either just sit and smile, do a tinkly laugh and don't respond or say something non committal "oh really" "hmmm" etc.

Secondly - I don't bring it out of the situation with them, whatever negativity they spew I don't allow myself to think about once they're out of my company. This stops is "leaking" into my life and bringing me down with their negativity! The easiest way I've found is on the way home from seeing them, I listen to loud music and sing along / moan out loud about them. Once the journey is over, so is my time spent on the situation!

Thirdly - I don't do things alone with them. Easier said than done sometimes, but always easier to stay positive / change topic when another person is present.

This got long quickly 😂 hope any of my ramble is of some use!

Try to cultivate detached amusement at their warped attitude.
Not possible?
Bitch about them mercilessly to whoever will listen as soon as they have gone. Remember it’s the reward for having said nothing at the time.

@DinoWoman

If you really can't cut all ties then you need to limit the amount of time you spend actually talking to them. So, if it's a colleague, then you can make polite excuses to step away from the conversation.

Negative people rarely change. They like being miserable and find being positive exhausting. At least, that's what I've found. I always pull away from negative people as life is too short to be dragged down into their misery pit.

Yes you've got it - negative people DO like being miserable! The person in question and her husband are draining. Exhaustingly negative.

My MiL, everything and everyone is whinged about and then she whinges people don't spend time with her or ask her to do things. Her and FiL just feed into a negative spiral together and it's exhausting.

Sadly we are just distancing ourselves as I'm not great at biting my tongue and DH is struggling with it too.

My MIL is a total dementor as well. When we visit I have various strategies.

• make sure I'm rarely alone with her, as for some reason she likes to 'confide' in me, which basically means complain about ex FIL
• go for long baths and walks
• read books (she thinks I am a bookworm, I'm not)
• lie in, go to bed early
• offer to get things from the shop

When she does go on and on about stuff I grey rock and try to start a new subject with anyone else in the room it's very draining and I can only manage a couple of days

Its very draining op my mum like that. Covid didnt help she had no news me same. But its her personality I think. But it can drag u down

Am wondering if your friend is my ex friend 😂Have had to block her ,cannot be bothered with her passive aggressive approach and constantly moaning about mutual friends….too exhausting!! Even kind gestures are twisted to make you sound nasty ! ie post a birthday card to her house and she complains that I didn’t knock before delivering …I was actually in a bloody rush …but no ,I was thoughtless..FFS !!

I just broke up with my long term partner because I couldn't cope with him being a 'drain' anymore. I read an article about being a radiator or a drain.
Always be a radiator!

I recently took to telling a family member to please stop endlessly moaning. She thought it was very unfair and I said "well, you've got two choices - either stop moaning or we don't meet up".

She's not moaning about anything real. More "the shop don't have the cereal I wanted" sort of moan. But she can fill an hour with it.
I cba listening.

She is so much better now. I am glad I spoke up.