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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for encourgement

5 replies

LilyGoLightly · 23/11/2021 20:00

I'm leaving an emotionally abusive relationship. Divorce papers filed, but still in the same house. It feels like torture at the moment. He won't acknowledge my existence now, even in front of the DC.

I think it will be worth it because I'm so tired of feeling so bad about myself. I'm just looking for some words of hope/encouragement/support to help get me though the wobbles.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 23/11/2021 20:05

Thanksyou'll go much more lightly for sure without this dead weight round your neck.

maidsmum · 23/11/2021 20:05

It's really hard, especially the first wee while. Being disrespectful to you in front of your DC is childish and nasty, shows his anger, probably because he's been exposed as a bully. Hold strong, you have taken the biggest and bravest step. It won't all be sunshine and roses but it will get better, and you deserve to be happy

LilyGoLightly · 23/11/2021 20:33

Thank you

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madisoncat · 23/11/2021 20:47

First, a very big well done for having the courage to file for divorce in the circumstances. You must be one very strong lady. Go You.

Secondly WOW you are having to still live in the same property, how hard is that. How BRAVE are you.

Any form of Abuse is difficult but Emotional Abuse IMO is often the hardest to deal with and recover from.

You may FEEL as if you need his recognition to validate you but you really don't. You know this. You're brave and you're strong and you are Worth Finding a Way to YOUR FREEDOM.

Once you get out of Feeling and into Thinking you will be better at taking care of yourself. In Feeling we are more easily damaged and less well equipped to Defend ourselves agains manipulation and degrading word or behaviours.

Can you re frame being 'Ignored' to be a positive ? It won't be easy but may be Think of it as you are being left alone rather than Feeling that your existence isn't being acknowledged.

Yes we know it's a Passive Aggressive act designed to make you go into a place of "Feeling" worthless, irrelevant, none existent and probably get you "Thinking" other negative things too.

Find a Mantra you can use inside your head to help you STOP the negative "Thoughts and Feelings" once you recognise you are having those thoughts/feelings.

Something like "I am worth MY time to take care of ME" "One day I shall be free" (and you'll still be an abuser) Or something like "I matter to ME" I don't need to matter to you nearly ex ( dip sht, knob h*d) or any other handle you wish to use.

Who are your support team, girl friends, family, work colleagues ? And here on MN. Find those people and let them know you need their help to get through this.

If you don't want to pull family, friends etc into your situation start searching the web for ways to defend against Emotional Abuse.

Try giving Women's Aid a call, they are very good if they have the capacity as like so many agencies they are over stretched.

If all else fails PM me. I don't know what I can to to help but I'll always cheer you on and support you anyway I can.

FYI years ago I was in a Women's Aid Refuge so I have some small insight into what it takes to do what you are doing.

Keep Yourself Safe, Protect your Mind and your Emotions, Value Yourself, Be Your Own Best Friend not your Own Worst Enemy (there are other who'll be your Enemy - don't you be one of them).

Remember you are Worth Far More than nearly ex will ever know.

Good Luck may you get lots of support and have a restful nights sleep.

LilyGoLightly · 24/11/2021 10:51

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it.

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