Is it enough lunch money?

[PILHELP]

DH and I are having a disagreement over DD's lunch money. She started at secondary in September and chose packed lunches initially, made them herself, all great.

She's switched to school lunches now and one of us thinks £4/day is too much on top of still taking two snacks from home and the other thinks the £4 should include snacks and drinks (if she forgets her water bottle) or it should be dropped a bit to £3/day. For reference, a main meal is about £2.50 and so £4 would buy a meal, snack and a drink.

YABU - £4/day is too much with taking food from home
YANBU - £4/day should include everything for a 12 year old

I may or may not have swapped the options to the interests of not disclosing which one I am!

@Dishwashersaurous it is a drop in the ocean to us now but it may not be to her (or us) in the future. DH and I had very different childhoods growing up and money was very tight for my family. Ironically, DH's family have blown what they had and are now struggling whereas my family have come out the other side and I think that's affecting my feelings about his judgement on this as I don't want DD not understanding the value of money.

I’m with your DH.

OK.

So I reckon that you say £4 a day. But she has to budget for the month. So £80 a month, which I a huge amount and if she overspends so top up

£4 is an awful lot. £3 a day would be better but then what if she genuinely does forget her water bottle?
You don't want her going all day without a drink.
I do top my daughter's account up when she asks but it's only £2 for a proper dinner and she quite often just buys a flapjack or brownie so her money lasts ages.
Agree it should be topped up once a month and then once it's gone that's it. Not sure how you'd get your husband to agree though.

I would give her a set amount (£15 - 20 a week?) and if she uses it all then tough.

It does make me happy that Ds doesn’t want to eat other than his packed lunch at school!

What sort of snacks is she taking? If it's fruit/ healthy stuff then id carry on giving her £4 a day if you can afford to do so. Teenagers get hungry!

Do you have parentpay - ie can see what she is buying and the prices?
My DC have £4 per day to spend and take cheap drinks and snacks also.
£4 does not buy a lot - school dinners are really expensive.

I give my kids £15 a week (plus snacks/ drink from home).

That enough for a main meal everyday and some treats/ drink if they want.

Some days they'll just spend £2.40 and other days £4.

I'd leave it for now as I assume she's at a new school so a lot of this may be peer pressure. I remember being the only one in my group of friends who had a packed lunch and I hated it.

Have a discussion with her and say from January she will have £15 or 20 a week and once that's gone she can only have packed lunch until the following week

Kids on free school meals get £2.50 a day

DH and I had very different childhoods growing up and money was very tight for my family

I don't want DD not understanding the value of money

I read this a lot, but I too came from a poor family, and I am so glad that I am able to give my children things that I couldn’t have. Don’t you remember how shit it was to have less than all your friends?

Fair enough if she’s spending a ridiculous amount, but it doesn’t sound like she is. It just seems unnecessarily punitive to be arguing about 50p or £1 per day, when you’re not short of money.

Personally I think she should be taking a snack from home. But a meal and hot drink are reasonable spends.
I wouldn't have her buying plastic bottled water every day though. Mine has been read the money saving and environmental riot act about that.

DS gets £15 a week, so £3 a day and he takes a water bottle with him. No snack or packed lunch option at home so all comes from that £15. It works better for us budget wise to top up weekly rather than monthly otherwise I would do it by half term or similar.

My DS ate like a horse so I had his card loaded up so he could get whatever he liked. Years ago this was £5 a day. It is expensive.

How about a weekly budget, then if she gets to the end of the week and she’s low she’ll have to take snacks from home.

Also are you keeping an eye on what she’s getting? My DD seemed to be burning through it in Y7 and I realised she was buying snacks for all her friends, so I cut it right back!

I think £3 plus things from home is ok, because she can save the £0.5 (£3-£2.50 for lunch) she have left over each day for any extras she wants to buy during the week. Or, £4 a day but you don't buy anything to send from home.

I took £3 almost 20 years ago! £4 seems fair. With snack from home.

It seems a lot to me. I wouldn’t buy lunch out every day. Seems unnecessary and unhealthy.
I also assume she’s blasé about taking water bottle as she can buy a plastic one in canteen for £1 etc.
My teen takes homemade lunch as she’s fussy.
Is it worth a general chat and coming to agreement. If household norm is packed lunches then maybe just pay for lunch as a treat once or twice a week.
If you are all buying lunch then let her too.
Maybe phrase as cost per month - to me £80 could be better spent on something that’s nice treat.
Environmental angle too - it’s wasteful buying water in bottles.

I don't really keep tabs on my children's spending but I find they don't tend to spend as much as you think. If you specify £4 a day, they'll try their hardest to buy exactly £4 worth of stuff. Top their account up when it's low and you'll probably find they don't spend as much. I'd let them take snacks from home too.

My ds (12) Yr 7 has £15 put on his lunch account every Monday- so £3 per day.
He either buys
A meal deal- £2.50 ( 2 course meal & carton of juice.
OR
A pizza slice/ burger/ pasta pot -£1.80 and a separate desert ie.biscuit - approx 80p.
He takes his own water bottle.
I'd be happy for him to take a snack from home but I'd not be paying more than £15 a week.

I give my son £5 per day, he is in sixth form

Ours gets £15 a week so £3 a day but doesn't spend it all usually. Takes water and break snack from home. A meal deal at school is £2.50 but there's a limited selection so she usually just chooses a main and a cookie which is around £2.50 anyway. Occasionally gets a flavoured water or similar.

I used to get £2.50 a day and that was like 20 years ago so I think £3 nowadays is good going!

Our kids get £3 a day for everything (they take water in). It's not just about the money for me, its about the massive amount of junk and sugar they are already buying. They're not going hungry so I don't want to enable them to eat even more shit.

Can she compromise and only buy lunch 2 or 3 times a week? My dc get £10 a week - when it runs out they have to take lunch from home.

It very much depends on what you c an afford.

If you can afford £4 plus the snacks from home I think it’s fine. If you can’t, you’ll have to put a limit on.

The one thing I insist on with secondary Dd is that she brings her own water from home, (they can refill but she actually takes two bottles for convenience) and doesn’t regularly spend money on drinks. Obviously if she occasionally forgets the water that’s fine.

Tbh I’m more concerned to make sure she’s eating enough but I realise it’s a privileged position not to have to limit it. That said, she’s very sensible and doesn’t spend much more that the basic £2.80 to maybe £4 tops per day.