To think that "unemployment/help to get back to work" type of charities should be safe spaces?

[Terribleluck]

I've been unemployed for not that long this time, but the previous time it happened which was three years ago did make me go suicidal. Anyways, so because I don't want to be in the very vulnerable place for my MH, I've tried to get help from everywhere I thought they could. But the truth is, that instead of feeling like I can be myself (thus the safe space) I always end up feeling attacked, aggravated, etc... Instead of feeling relaxed and empowered. They suggested not once but twice that I "embellish the truth" in CVs interviews. I feel like I should just give up (with them) and maybe try getting help in some other way.

Why do you feel you are being attacked?

What do they mean when they suggest you embellish the truth? Getting a job is effectively one big sales pitch, and that can require some level of exaggeration. For example, if you worked in a team on a project, talking up your role in that team.

Can you explain how you feel attacked?

Obviously if someone physically attacks you then it should be reported to the police. But I don't think that you are suggesting that.

And a CV should present the best possible version of yourself.

They should obviously treat you with courtesy and respect but embellishing your CV (not lying, but talking up the good bits) is pretty standard advice. What about that made you feel attacked?

I've written about it before. They said that a) I should blame the loss of my job to COVID which is not true at all, my industry was never affect and the timeline wouldn't make any sense anyways. B) I should put it as as "interim" role, which again wouldn't be accurate at all.

I have not had an interview for years ,but the advice was always sell yourself ,maybe not embellish the truth ,but focus on the positive,s

They also minimised that I'd rather be in a "diverse workplace" as I do feel out of place in very uniform working environments. I'm an actual ethnic minority (maybe I pass as white) but making fun of my accent, use of words, etc, is never cool nor ideal.

*affected. They also told me I shouldn't pay ANY attention to interview feedback (but I do agree with some of it) and simply told me that "they probably didn't like me as a person".

@Terribleluck

They also minimised that I'd rather be in a "diverse workplace" as I do feel out of place in very uniform working environments. I'm an actual ethnic minority (maybe I pass as white) but making fun of my accent, use of words, etc, is never cool nor ideal.

If someone is making fun of you, then you report it according to company guidelines.

Are you saying that you are not considering roles if it is in a workplace that doesn't seem diverse enough?
If you need a job, then perhaps you need to be a bit less picky. Are

OK.they clearly weren't very kind.

But they are trying to help you get a job.

Closing off whole sectors isn't necessarily sensible.

And sometimes interview feedback should be ignored.

But how is this attacking you?

They are giving advice on how best to present your past to try and get a new job.

You seem quite rigid in your thinking, if you don't mind the observation. It's pretty normal to gloss over reasons for leaving a job but it sounds like that makes you uncomfortable?

Your CV shouldn't be false/fraudulent but it is a sales document intended to present you in an appealing light.

I can't tell if your quotation marks are things you are quoting or paraphrasing. Did someone tell you to embellish the truth or is that how you see their comments?

No, not at all @spotcheck, but one of these companies that I've interviewed with has diversity as a value, and in the first round I told them, that I really value (no pun intended) diversity as that's where I feel most at home, to them it was a terrible thing to say as I was badmouthing my ex-employees, and then went on that "I should feel how hard it is to find a job as an older person" and how I haven't really felt discrimination.

I say that as someone who can be a bit rigid in my own thinking about truthfulness btw.

I don’t think jobhunting is really the right context for being oneself, for anyone! Nor a ‘safe space’ - without sounding harsh, why would it be?

It's irrelevant wether they like you or not ,they are there to help you get gainful employment.

I do think you might be taking things too literally but for benefit if the doubt who is saying this to you?
It's often not what you say but how you say things that counts?

Exactly @middleparking but if the process itself is already stressful and you have to create so many personas to sell yourself, then sure them as a charity should be a safe place to be able to "vent"? And they did say that maybe the employers didn't like me as a person, that's verbatim.

Maybe saying diversity was a good thing but depends on how it came across.

The charity can't know exactly why you haven't got a job. It can only try and help. So they are trying to work out why.

@Terribleluck

*affected. They also told me I shouldn't pay ANY attention to interview feedback (but I do agree with some of it) and simply told me that "they probably didn't like me as a person".

Is that precisely what they said or what you heard?

That just sounds like the kind of bland thing people say to reassure people not to feel rejected or that they're faulty/inadequate which is often how people can feel after an interview. 'You just weren't the right fit on the day' or whatever type meaning, rather than how you seem to be taking it of 'they specifically judged and disliked you as an individual person'.

Ok, still think most of this is just bland comments that you are taking very literally and adding deeper meaning to for whatever reason.

I would use a different place to vent your frustrations and feelings about the falseness of job hunting, and just use the job-seeking orgs for job support.

Ftw

I agree. They are giving you generic job hunting advice, don't take it personally, focus on positive, don't badmouth previous employer etcetera

And you are taking these as personal attacks. Nothing you have said suggests that anyone is close to attacking you. Just that they are trying to help

@ftw because of my fragile mental state (or the feeling that things might go back that way). To me there was no real offence that I interviewed for the wrong roles, just wanted to analyse them together to get some growth out of them, and by all means, two gave pretty good advice (give closure to the stories you're telling, and to always remember to explain things in terms my audience would understand).

Then how are they supposed to help me then? I already make it to 3rd / final stage interviews, so a very basic PPT is most certainly a moot point. I was more interested in how to prepare for a task based interview (which they knew about) but that help was not even suggested at the time of our meeting. I do think it's partially my fault as I'm used to therapy, but haven't been able to have it due to cost.

Sorry no, if by "safe space" you mean someone who simply blows smoke up your arse then no, helping people get into/back to work will involve accurate and honest feedback as needed. If someone's CV or interview technique needs work then they need to know, assuming the person does want to get a job.

Their purpose isn’t to provide a space to vent where you can do and say what you want, their purpose is to help you get a job. They will be giving you advice that they know works.

There are other charities that can listen to you vent if that’s what you need, just not that one.