Ok so I’m 6m pregnant, with a DD2, in a new town, new country, no family around as DPs mum moved to the other side of the country when his dad died, a few months ago. She has visited us max once every 3 weeks but more like every 6 weeks, if she’s in the area, and she’ll arrive without fail at the precise time I ask her not to (ie nap time).
I see my own mum every few months as it’s a flight away, but now I am six months pregnant with HG and vomiting 4 times a day, so my mum has come to stay for 10 days to help us out. It has been HEAVENLY.
MIL has now suddenly decided - after 6 months of (publically) telling DP to “stop moaning and get over it” (his dads death) - that her grief is so overwhelming she has to come and stay with us , right now on my mums last couple of days …. 🙄 🤔
My mum goes home early 2m morning and is enjoying every precious minute with her (only) grandchild, as we dont know when we will see each other next. MIL has decided she is not only staying with us indefinitely now, but she wants to take DD out this afternoon, on my mums last full day here 🤔🤔🤔
AIBU to say she can take her out tomorrow but I want my mum and DD to have one more afternoon together??? Or should I make the effort to encourage my mum to “share” her last day with MIL, even tho they are very different and don’t really get on, esp as MIL is forever commenting quite snarkily on my mums weight, health, hair, job, retirement prospects etc
Just for context, I’ve invited MIL to stay over with us MANY times as I am aware she’s lonely and grieving, and I am desperate for help with toddler - i have no childcare, no car, no friends, and DP working 6 days a week - but she AlWAYS says no (with something of a sneer), and expects us to drive 2 hours to stay with her instead. Since arriving yesterday she has been making snide comments like “oh DGD why are you making that angry frowny face, you look like your mother”, and “my daughter never lets anything go with the housework when she’s sick” (we’ve all had a flu and DP has not lifted a finger in 2 weeks, despite being off work, because man flu is even worse than flu while pregnant and still bf a toddler 😭) etc etc. Saying how lethargic I am, I’m not ~that pregnant etc. She’s been grabbing my stomach to tell me im showing since 6 weeks (I wasn’t). Then after I’ve had 3 months of vomiting every 4 hours saying “you don’t look that sick, you’ve put on a good bit of weight” (I take medication to eat one mega high calorie meal every day and it is a struggle every night to keep it down ).
I feel so bad for her losing her husband (who was a lovely kind gentle soul and the complete opposite of her) but she is utterly draining to be around, and I am too pregnant and exhausted to be polite anymore. My mum just wants to enjoy one more day with her daughter and grand daughter. I have an hour midwife appt later and MIL “offered” to drive me there, and she and DD can “wait in the car” and my mum “have the afternoon off” 🙄There are plenty more unnecessary comments but you get the picture!!!
What should I do mumsnet?
YABU - me, mum, MIL and daughter should have a day of awkwardly hanging out together and “just be grateful” for what little family we do have
YANBU - MIL should be patient and take DD out tomorow and let me, my mum and my daughter spend one last “relaxing” day together