My toddler won’t sleep without me

[Cloakedmerry]

My 1.5 year old will not sleep without me I’m getting to the end of my tether I’m constantly exhausted and don’t have a full nights sleep, he won’t go to dh and will only sleep on me ( on my chest) he screams if I put him in the middle of the bed to sleep, I feel like I’m making a rod off my own back but it’s just easier to let him sleep on me then have hours of screaming and tantrums am I making it worse for myself? Should I just let him cry it out? Has anyone else had a toddler this dependant on you to be close to sleep

I had this problem and resorted to letting him cry it out. It wasn't easy. But it does work.

My oldest son was like that, I chose to let him cry it out but it was awful, I felt like shit for it and now he's 4 he sneaks into my bed during the night anyway.

My youngest is 2 and when he was a baby he would always want to be on me, so I just let him, now he sleeps better than the 4 year old

Try letting him cry if you're comfortable with it, and if you try it and don't like it or it doesn't work, maybe try him in a bigger bed and lay beside him until he talks to sleep?

Kids are all so different I wish I could help, it's exhausting and sad so I feel your pain

I hope it gets easier for you

Falls to sleep sorry

My ds was like this. He slept with me until he was 7!! Thankfully when he moved to his own room he never came back into my bed and slept really well. He is a very independent teenager now.

All children are different. My ds was quite anxious when he was little. I knew he would be able to sleep without me when he was ready.

There are some more gradual methods.

You could start by allowing him to sleep with you, but not on you.
Then move to him being under duvet & you sat on top.
Then you sitting at the end of the bed etc etc.

It would probably take months but although he would probably cry a little to resist changes, it would be a kind and gentle approach.

My toddler went through this phase, had to leave him to cry and fuss for a few minutes to give him a chance to settle on his own. I've never let him cry any longer, if they just get more and more upset then it's harder to calm them back down again. If nothing you do is working then the only thing left is to give them space.
Currently in a phase of having to hold his hand through the bars of the cot while he drifts off. Usually only take a few minutes and is nice and calm. Better that than make bedtime a scary and upsetting time IMO. He will soon be in the next phase, whatever he decides that may be!

All children are different. My two older children never slept in our bed once. The third child slept with us until he was about 7, he’s almost 12 now and hasn’t come back into our bed since he was 7 and one day decided he just wanted to sleep in his own bed. He’s now just a normal independent boy.

We now have our 22 month old daughter in our bed who sounds just like your ds. She’s like Velcro to me and nurses most of the night too. It’s exhausting but I know these years are short and in her own way she needs me. I’m her mother and being there for her day or night is my priority in life, so if she needs to have contact with me throughout the night for reassurance or comfort then that’s ok. I’m exhaustingly honoured to do so. Maybe I’m too soft or stupid or whatever, but I don’t think I’ll ever sit on my deathbed regretting letting her constantly cling and cuddle me day and night. I think because my older two kids are 16 and 17 now and they’re saving for house deposits and really independent, it’s made me treasure the Velcro Bobbie barnacle ways of my daughter just a little more! But Jesus it’s exhausting, I feel ya!!!
Personally I couldn’t let her cry it out. But we’re all different so just do what you think is best for you and your situation.

My son was like this, he would contact nap for 4hrs on an afternoon! He also slept on me all night every night. When he turned 3 his baby sister arrived (earlier this year) and he happily went into his own room, daddy stayed with him for the first month or so until he got used to it but now he sleeps all night every night in his own bed.

I'm now cosleeping with DD 9mths and she's the same, next year I'll gradually move her in to her own room (both children have small double beds so easy to do this). I'll take as long as she needs.

Yes, I'm absolutely exhausted, I've slept with a wriggly child almost every night for 4yrs now (apart from trips away/sleepovers at Grandparents) and haven't had a full night's sleep yet this year BUT I'd never ever let them cry it out.

You are not "making a rod off your own back" . You've already done that.
Time to fase him out of this. And quick

you're going to have to sleep train- you're breaking a habits, kids crying is resistance- i left my baby and came back after 1 min, then 2 mins, then 3 mins, then 4 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 10mins, then 10mins. Worked for us.

At 18 months he's definitely old enough to sleep train. Don't leave him to cry it out. Do it gradually.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

you're going to have to sleep train- you're breaking a habits, kids crying is resistance- i left my baby and came back after 1 min, then 2 mins, then 3 mins, then 4 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 10mins, then 10mins. Worked for us.

We tried that method and all it taught our dd was that if she screamed for long enough we would still come eventually.

In the end we had to go cold turkey.

supremelybaffled how long did you try it for?

some kids are defo more stubborn than others

Yes, mine were both co-sleepers through toddlerhood. It doesn't last forever (although it can feel like it). There are lots of sleep training methods if you need to stop co-sleeping sooner. DeepaBeesKit's method (gradual retreat) is my preference but neverornow's method (cry it out) is the quickest. Whichever method you try, you'll have to persist with it for it to work as they all end up with plateaus of resistance - because it's a behaviour change. GL!

OP I'm the same! DS wakes in the night if put into own bed once sleeping. Also immediately vomits so we can't risk gradual retreat.

So I have to go to bed at 7 and then get up later once he's asleep. 😫