Hello everyone. I'm coming back with more news since I last posted here, because I know just how helpful it has been for me when anxious threads are updated. After my last post on 21st December, I miscarried naturally on Christmas eve. It was an awful Christmas. I buried the little tiny baby which was the size of a fingernail in its sac, looking like a bean with eyeballs in a lovely planter in my garden. It was a very much wanted and long awaited pregnancy, so the grief I felt really shook me.
I wanted to update that as of this week, I am pregnant again. I will try to remember to update this thread in 9 months time. I will definitely update if another loss happens, so if you don't see a post from me in 9 months, just assume it all went well :). But the reason I'm posting isn't to announce my next pregnancy. It's to leave a message to those ladies reading this thread because they're here looking for answers and are worried about their pregnancy. This is my advice for you.
No matter how worried you are, right now, you are pregnant. Please let yourself enjoy it and feel love for your baby. To prepare for a possible loss, to "protect myself", I tried so hard not to attach to the pregnancy and to not feel love for the baby. The huge regret I had when it finally came out was that I didn't let every fibre of my being feel overwhelmed with love for it when it was inside me. I was so sorry that I hadn't let it feel the strength of my love. So... worry away, because nothing will stop that, but love your little bean as hard as you can, because whatever the outcome will be, not doing so won't help you to feel less sad, it will hurt regardless, and there is just the tiniest chance that pouring all of your love towards it, just might help. xxx