I have recently reconnected with my (sort of) long-lost sister and, other issues aside, I have been brought up to date on what happened when she and husband divorced quite a while ago. It seem as though it was long drawn out, but this is how I understand what happened:
Married for 14 years when it finally ended; after two affairs (by him), she finally gave up trying/clingin on; he wanted her to divorce him, but in the end issued the petition himself. Enough time had passed that two years (or five?) were the Grounds.
They had a 12 year old daughter who expressed a preference to live with her father and have the connection with his family, with whom she had a closer bond. They kept her away from my sister, until a chasm grew between them/ My sister was also tricked into leaving the house they jointly owned and was renting by the time of the divorce.
The divorce itself didn't kick off for a year or two, and even then Financial Matters were not discussed(and her questions regarding her daugher were dismissed, as though she hd left her....), and the divorce was granted. The daughter lived with father in the house she had grown up in, a lot of grandmother assistance and father off doing his own thing. Eventually married the woman he had the second affair with, and took on her two daughters (each with a different father, one of whom was a work colleague).
My sister was on and off benefits and when working, xh found out and came after her with CSA. She paid when she had a job, direct to daughter, as - prior to marrying the ow, he had been paying her mortgage. But he ran up arrears on the FMH.
Two years after he Decree granted, the Financial Matters were addressed. The grandmother bought the FMH, selling her own (fully paid years ago) and only at this time was settlement of sorts reached. The xh went to live with the ow/new wife, daughter went to university after a couple years living with granny. No wish to live with her mother - relationship dwindled to nothing. Heartbreaking, and a major factor in my sister's poor frame of mind - then, and now.
When this went before a Judge and a Pension Sharing Order (?) applied for, sister was told that she was not entitled, most especially as when she was on benefits (for a time - whilst daughter still with her, she received a benefit that equated to the interest on the mortgage), that was not "actually her money" (that's actually what he judge said). It came close to her half of the remaining equity being used a backdated CS, but she was forced to come out with next to nothing and with so much time having passed that, even though that meant that there was some/more equity in their house (which she did not actually get to agree to being sold, let alone to his mother at £15000 less than valuation), it also meant that she was off the property ladder, and that has remained to be the case. Her credit was shot to pieces in the time between the final separation, more time until the divorce and then even more time passing until the financial matters being "resolved".
I am not judging her for the loss of her daughter - so I hope no-one else does; I know how mentally fragile she is even now, so doubt she would have handled the whole situation well - and she for sure shut me out due to the mortal shame of it all.
Does anyone agree with me that this seems spectacularly unfair , or have other thoughts on the Pensions being retained in full (he did come after her very small one, but that had been cashed in...) and being punished in that way for having been on benefits and lost her child?
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