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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I apologise or just forget about it?

27 replies

AnnieLande · 22/11/2021 19:31

I'll start by saying that I don't pick up on social clues very well and never say the right things.

Anyway, I'm worried that I've scared someone by being a bit full on and well, odd. I genuinely don't mean anything by it but in the past it has caused me problems where people misunderstand my intentions.

I was chatting to someone today on a bus and then we walked to the carpark and I followed them to their car instead of saying goodbye and going to find my car. And now I feel really embarrassed. Should I send a follow up just apologising or just leave it? Would they be more creeped out if I follow up? I should add, I didn't meet this person on the bus, it's someone I know and see every week but haven't known them long and it's a professional relationship I suppose. I had seen them earlier in the day professionally but just so happened to be on the same bus as them later on.

YANBU to apologise
YABU to apologise you're just overthibking it

OP posts:

Offmyfence · 22/11/2021 19:34

YABU your over thinking

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 22/11/2021 19:34

If you were chatting, I don't think it would have seemed odd or even noticeable to go with them to their car.

Even if they did think it odd, messaging about it would only compound the oddness.

But I'm sure they won't have given it a second thought.

Offmyfence · 22/11/2021 19:34

*you're

ThePlantsitter · 22/11/2021 19:34

In my vast experience of being awkward, explaining your awkwardness afterwards never makes it less awkward and in fact does quite the opposite. So just forget about it and next time you see them just be friendly and as casual as possible.

FrankGrillosFloof · 22/11/2021 19:37

Forget it, you’re fine. If you were having a conversation, I would think it was polite of you to have gone out of your way rather than part ways mid-discussion.

Tittyfilarious81 · 22/11/2021 19:37

@AnnieLande I'd leave it I don't think it's odd you walked to their car with them if you were chatting I'd think it more odd if you apologize for it

Odile13 · 22/11/2021 19:38

I wouldn’t say anything. It sounds like a perfectly normal interaction. A text message to apologise would make it awkward. What gives you the idea that they would find it creepy?

trumpisagit · 22/11/2021 19:45

Yes, try and forget it. A text message will be confusing and more awkward.
They probably thought nothing of it

Original poster

AnnieLande · 22/11/2021 19:52

Perhaps I'm overthinking then.
I'm just really fond of this person so I don't want them to think I'm strange or notice how fond I am of them. I had also, earlier in the day, waited for them to finish something so we could walk to the same place together. I'm just worried I mightve been to full on over all. Its something I'm really conscious of.

OP posts:

Original poster

AnnieLande · 22/11/2021 19:54

But I'm only conscious of it after the fact.
I once had to text someone before apologising for being too full on and they replied agreeing that I had been. It was mortifying because I don't realise at the time that I'm doing it.

OP posts:

Itsalmostanaccessory · 22/11/2021 19:57

Where you having a conversation on the way to their car and then when you got there, you said bye and went off so it was quite natural.
Or did you get to their car and sort of stand there not leaving until it got uncomfortable?

Odile13 · 22/11/2021 19:57

You sound nice and thoughtful. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can - don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s better to be a little over-enthusiastic than rude or nasty.

SheWoreYellow · 22/11/2021 19:59

Given that it’s someone you know, that sounds fine. How did you then leave them?

Alicesays · 22/11/2021 20:00

Honestly, I'd just think you were enjoying the conversation and forgot about where we were walking. I've done similar! If someone took it against you, they might not be a particularly nice person.

Original poster

AnnieLande · 22/11/2021 20:01

Oh gosh I think I probably did hang about a little too long until it got awkward. I feel utterly mortified now.

OP posts:

PleasantBirthday · 22/11/2021 20:03

As long as you didn't get in the car with them and tell them where they could drop you off, I'd say you're fine.

nohouseyet · 22/11/2021 20:04

You just sound friendly. You’re overthinking - def don’t need to apologise.

nohouseyet · 22/11/2021 20:08

@AnnieLande

Oh gosh I think I probably did hang about a little too long until it got awkward. I feel utterly mortified now.

Honestly even if it was odd, the other person has almost certainly already forgotten about it. If it was me I might have thought, at very worst “Oh great she’s going I can get on my way to the supermarket / home / wherever I was going). Then forget about it and the next time I saw you I would probably not think twice. If you are generally friendly then the 4/5 times you have made a nice impression will outweigh the 1/5 times you may have been a bit weird. And anyway, I know a few weird people and it’s part of why I like them!

Allsorts1 · 22/11/2021 20:23

As long as you were having a conversation with them as you walked to their car rather than silently following them to it then you dont need to worry about being creepy! Definitely don’t text them as you’ll make it super weird.

If you mean you’re fond of them as in have a crush, then the best strategy is to say nothing and keep the next few interactions light and breezy, seem very busy and like you’ve got a lot on. Just counter act your full on-ness a bit so that they relax and are curious about you.

Allsorts1 · 22/11/2021 20:23

It’s never to late to start playing a bit hard to get

ikeptgoing · 22/11/2021 20:28

If you text them as well it's getting into stalkerish behaviour !

Look I've had people chat and walk with me and maybe continue the chat a bit long when I wanted to leave ..., I just put it down to they were happy to catch up and probably a bit of a talker

If they'd texted me afterwards apologising then I would feel awkward!!!

Just let it go and try to remember next time to say bye when you are due to go in different directions and remind yourself not to keep talking!!

People will start managing you really though like saying "must go, got tea to cook/ kids to pick up, bye now..." when they have to leave. If they weren't saying "lovely to see you must go now" then they may have appreciated the chat but not wanted if to go in too long

Forget about it. If you do, your colleague soon will

nocnoc · 22/11/2021 20:31

Let it go. It’s absolutely fine

watchingrnfire · 22/11/2021 20:34

I think maybe keep it quite casual the next time you see this person, act busy like you need to be somewhere, and don't wait for them just so that if they did feel you were full on, and see the opposite now, they'll just think it was them self overthinking it

Aprilx · 22/11/2021 20:34

Definitely don’t send a message now, that is going to be weird. If the conversations was happening freely, there is really nothing peculiar about somebody forgetting where they should be going and walking a few minutes in the wrong direction. By the same token, if you hung about waiting for them earlier in the day as well, it might be worth making a conscious effort to not hang around too much the same next time you see them.

Original poster

AnnieLande · 22/11/2021 20:36

@Allsorts1 That is what I meant, yes, haha. But thank you, that's great advice. I shall do that next time I see them. But it's hard because I love talking to them!

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