Unwanted gifted baby items

[Sweetk0987poiu]

I’m getting so stressed out at being gifted everyone’s unwanted things. When I first found out I was pregnant a friend approached me and offered to give me some baby clothes and bits (she had a summer baby and I’m due in winter) I was so excited, salvaged what I could in terms of the different seasons and sent her some flowers to say thank you. Since then I’ve bought most of what I need for him up to 3 months. Then another friend said she has bags of things they no longer need but I’m not to get rid of it because she might want to keep some bits which is fair enough. I told her I didn’t need much as I was nearly done. I messaged her to ask if she wants the things back or if she wants me to donate them ect but had no reply, I still have bags of the stuff all over my dining room. I then got given (unasked) a bag full of girl summer clothes (I’m having a winter boy). I’ve been given unwanted gifts from other mums again unasked who have passed things to my relatives. I told my partner we’ve got enough, I’m stressing about getting the house ready I don’t want other people stuff to sort out in house anymore. He’s then come home with a bag of stuff from someone else, although the age and season and gender is right this time I’ve pretty much got everything now, I did probably over react to being given free things but I’ve told him so many times how much it stresses me out now and I feel like a charity shop. I’m giving away countless thank you cards and gifts for things I don’t need and hate sorting it all out. Now he won’t talk to me because I’m being ungrateful and we can never have too many things.

You can have too many things.

Your baby will only be that small for a limited time so it’s natural to want them to wear the things that you have chosen specially for them.

I’d straight up refuse If it’s given to you and instruct your partner to do the same from now on.

I hate it when people say they might want it back, if it’s so special why give it out in the first place. ‘Oh sorry my baby did a massive explosive poo on those dungarees that you want back, but they weren’t salvageable’

I’d donate things that are blatantly the wrong gender and season.

@Sweetk0987poiu tell him to sort through it all wash it and find somewere to put it then if thats how he feels

Thanks @Canunot I’ve told him the exact same people have told me not to buy too many things!

@nonamenameno I told him just this!

Then another friend said she has bags of things they no longer need but I’m not to get rid of it because she might want to keep some bits which is fair enough

No, it’s not fair enough-it’s bloody cheeky. She is essentially asking you to store loads of her stuff in your house until she might need it again.

I’d just say, sorry-no thanks.

You absolutely can have too many things and it sounds like you’re there now. Time to put a stop to it and say ‘no thanks, I’ve got enough!!’ And mean it.

I think it’s a selfish act to thoughtlessly ‘donate’. They get to not deal with the guilt of throwing away their baby’s things, they get to feel ‘virtuous’ for helping out, and they don’t have to go to the tip.

My BIL and his wife do it to me all the fucking time. I’m sick of dealing with bin bags full of torn old anoraks, stained sleepsuits, faded swimwear and loose, randomly sized nappies.

I didn’t mind people giving me bags of stuff saying ‘take what you want and charity shop the rest’ but it’s just selfish giving you stuff saying ‘use what you want but keep all of it in your house until I ask for it back!’

I never wanted to use anything for fear of ruining it, so just ended up with bags of stuff I didn’t touch, that was in the way for months!

I only did that the once…!

Honestly I could have written this post!! I know people mean well and I am so grateful but I've been given clothes and shoes up to age 4, baby towels that are so well worn they're like sandpaper and broken toys. I appreciate the few bits to help out a newborn but please just let me give birth first!! And the knitters have out done themselves, I never knew so many people in my life (and not in my life) knitted!! I've started to politely decline bits now but still saying yes to the knitting as people only want to help. Knowing someone is having a baby is an easier option than taking to a charity shop I guess!

@Howshouldibehave

Then another friend said she has bags of things they no longer need but I’m not to get rid of it because she might want to keep some bits which is fair enough

No, it’s not fair enough-it’s bloody cheeky. She is essentially asking you to store loads of her stuff in your house until she might need it again.

I’d just say, sorry-no thanks.

Definitely don't have anything off of anyone who wants it back!

If it comes anyway via her in or anyone else, just take it straight back.

Glad I’m not alone in thinking this .. I felt so mean just getting rid of things when they’ve been given to me but yes enough is enough! I’m getting rid of it all this weekend! Yep the knitters wow I’ve had so many cardigans given, I’m grateful for most but even had some so badly smoked on I couldn’t even bring myself to take them out the bag ☹️ At first I thought it was a nice gesture to think of me but 90% of it is just random things that could’ve done with being thrown, it does make you feel like it’s been dumped on you to sort out.

Is your husband seriously not talking to you because of this? If so, you've got bigger problems than too many hand-me-down baby clothes, it sounds as if you already have a manchild to deal with!

@BetsyBigNose oh he definitely is a man child. He sees it so differently to me, In his own words he’s come home from work with a bag full of things he’s excited to look through with me. I get that completely but I just could not help but get angry as I’ve said countless times to him it’s stressing me out

YADNBU mine is 9 month old and I’ve just had another load of stuff dumped on me. I don’t even want to sort it out, let alone put the effort into taking it to a charity shop.

It’s overwhelming and I feel suffocated by it.

And Christmas is on the horizon, which means another influx of crap.

[quote Sweetk0987poiu]@BetsyBigNose oh he definitely is a man child. He sees it so differently to me, In his own words he’s come home from work with a bag full of things he’s excited to look through with me. I get that completely but I just could not help but get angry as I’ve said countless times to him it’s stressing me out[/quote]
If he's excited he can look through it himself?

Lots of people gift to be kind, these people will listen to when you say you have most things but thank you for thinking of us. Unfortunately the rest just want to off load their bin bags of stuff so it is not their problem. I work with vulnerable children and believe me, most of it sits in the office as no one has time to sort through it and we do not necessarily have a family needing that stuff at the time it is donated. If a family doing well wants to pass stuff on I am now clear I take it to a local clothes bank where it will be used straight away and when I have a family needing a particular age of clothes/uniform I go to them directly.

Anyone 'wanting things back'- just tell them that you have enough on to keep track and worry about keeping it in good enough condition, but thank you.

As an aside, a charity in my city who works with asylum seekers makes it clear on their website that the cost of receiving, sorting and storing second hand items is far greater than just buying basic clothing as needed so if wanting to donate clothes to contact charity shops focused on that and donate money to them so they can target it as needed. I suspect some of this is in response to people donating any old tat rather than dispose of it. Lots of people now sell on the good stuff

I feel this! Part of why it overwhelmed me is like what pp said, they’re not little for long so you want to put them in clothes that you’ve picked out yourself, as picking their clothes is fun and special. It’s very handy to have hand me downs to an extent but it can get too much. Next time someone offers just say thank you so much but we have enough now and don’t have room to store any more x

I have this issue. The amount of stuff given can get so overwhelming there are occasions I just put it directly in the charity clothing bank. There's just too much stuff and as you say, often the wrong season etc.

Yeah, it’s totally selfish. We had this issue with well-meaning relatives but not even just that, friends of relatives we didn’t even know. Just bags upon bags of ‘stuff’ and none of it was particularly great so the majority ended up at the charity shop.

Am no snob but I would hate for people to give me their used baby clothes without me asking for them. Especially if they want it back.

Op pick out what you want and clothes bank the rest.

People are forgetting that you're likely to get new stuff in gifts once baby is here.
Have no qualms about returning high street stuff and asking for a bigger size.