Husband doesn't want another child

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Hey guys

Really not sure what to do about the situation I'm in. I'd love to hear your thoughts and hear from anybody that has been or is in a similar situation.

My husband and I have one child. She is almost three. We've always said we'd be happy to just have one child. However, recently I've had such a strong urge for another. I think it's always been there deep down. I just didn't realise how much until now.

I've told my husband this and he is adamant that he doesn't want another. The conversation just ends up in an argument.

He doesn't want another as he is happy with how life is. He feels we can give our daughter a much better life if she's an only child. He doesn't want to go back to the newborn stage and have to pay for nursery fees etc again.

I totally appreciate where he is coming from. I just can't ditch the desire for another. I have friends that are starting to have second children and it's made me quite upset. I really envy them. I'd love to give my daughter a sibling. She's asked about a brother or sister a few times and is so kind and loving. She'd make a fantastic big sister.

We're planning on moving house soon so I appreciate that it'll be tough balancing everything. Financially it'll be a strain for a while but we both have pretty decent paying jobs so would manage. I have no doubt that it would be tough going back to the newborn way of life but I personally feel the good outweighs any of the bad stuff.

I can't see us agreeing on this. I'd like to just accept that our daughter is our one and only child and move on with life but I know I will always resent him for not allowing me the chance to be a mother again and I know I'll feel so upset whenever I see my friends children with their siblings.

Help! x

Lots of MN threads on this you might find useful. Hard one.

You’d be U to resent your H: he’s no more U to want no more DC - for any reason(s) - than you are to want another. That said, he’s likely got more ‘fertile years’ than you do and therefore more options, eg to have DC with a new partner in the event of divorce.

Wouldn’t assume your DD would enjoy the reality of a sibling! That’s an unknown!

Might make sense to discuss this in couple’s counselling. So at least you’ve discussed with help, and hopefully some structure rather than arguing.

Then guess you need to decide whether you want the opportunity to have a second DC (with someone else) more than staying with your H and having one.

How old are you? You'll have to decide whether your DH or another child is more important. Neither of you are in the wrong.

As others have said, neither of you is wrong or being unreasonable.

You have changed your mind he hasn't.

That means you need a more in depth discussion, maybe even couples counseling, to explore your options.

You have to decide what you want most for yourself, just as he does.

That is tough, I really feel for you.

I would suggest counseling to help you come to terms with your feelings, if your husband is truly adamant that there won't be another child.

You could of course leave him and have another child with someone else, which is usually suggested on these threads. Personally I wouldn't want to put my existing child through the pain of an otherwise happy marriage ending because of a desire to have another child. I would certainly try everything in my power to get over any feelings of resentment first.

Neither of you is being unreasonable, you have to decide if your marriage or another child is more important to you then plan what to do going forward.
Resenting him for not allowing you to be a mother again sounds to me like the beginning of the end anyway.

Agree, your dad might like the idea of being a big sister BUT there's no guarantee the reality would match up. If it was a boy he'd probably be loud, noisy, and like toy cars, trains, planes, guns, robots etc and they'd fight over tv programs. If it was a girl, she might want to play with dd's toys , she might be prettier, cleverer, more popular. Just saying! My dgc are always arguing and fighting.

Dd not dad!

Kids say they want a sibling at that age. That's because all their friends are having newborn siblings. DD was the same. Once DS arrived she wasn't happy at all. Hated losing her parents' attention. Hated being slowed down because he was learning to walk. Hated having to wait for him, not do things because he couldn't, wait twice as long at swimming because he was in a different group etc etc. And then when she was 12 and he was 8 they were worlds apart. When she was twenty and he was sixteen they had nothing in common.

So you can do it for you if DH agrees but don't do it for DD as she might be better off without a sibling - you never know.