To look for subtle but evil ways to keep people off my fence

[Hoesbeforebroes]

I have a picket fence which has seen better days, a bit wobbly in parts and I don't yet have the money to replace it.

I live in a place where people congregate and wait. Some of these people can't resist the urge to lean on my fence or hold the pickets and swing around while they chat to each other or check their phones. My fence has broken in 2 places as a result and I have made rudimentary repairs but they're not going to last if I can't get these bastards to stay off it!

What could I (legally) do to the fence to keep them off, short of a giant Fuck Off sign? I've checked out non-drying paint but it's not legal for this purpose.

Hammer a load of nails through from the other side so they get spiked when they touch it?? A bit drastic but probably effective!

How high is the fence?
What happens if you take the fence away altogether and replace with a rockery, hedge or something?

Yes - make a hedge perhaps with thorns or spikey holly?

Motion activated sprinkler... but if you're buying that you may as well repair the fence.

Some thick bike grease on the top.

Cat spikes but it will take time as you’ll need to cut them. Anti climb paint. However if you use the paint, you have to put up a sign, which can be seen from every angle.

Low electrical currents hehe

A huge CCTV camera that moves with their slightest movement (can be fake)

Have you tried telling these people to stop it?

Holly hedge

Your fence is broken anyway so you'll have to replace it. I agree with others, it's time to rebuild and add Pyracantha
Which is a fast growing evergreen bush (that needs wall or fence with trellis to grown against) with small spikes in it . No one leans against that and it is used for home protection around boundaries. Bushes (already about 0.7m high) go for about £8 each - they grow upwards and also alongwards if you train them too by winding them around horizontally placed wire against the wall/fence using thick gloves). Thing is it's as much a pain for you if you need to replace wall/fence and can kill plant when you dig in new footings so replace your fence first.

For a 12-20 foot wide fence you'd need about 3-5 plants and patience as it takes time to grow. (I'd put posts up with tape barrier saying do not cross, around it about half a foot away so that people don't trample plant) (eg using Halloween tape 'danger do not cross', there might be loads in shop still!)

Pyrancatha

https://www.hedgesdirect.co.uk/acatalog/pyracanthaorangee_berries.html

Anything but bloody cat repellant noise emitting things!! I get that cats and youth are annoying but I’m a perfectly respectful 32 year old and the anti-cat device near me is actually so upsetting, glad I can’t hear it from my home!
I vote holly/spikey hedge as good for the wildlife too, two birds one stone.

The problem with a hedge is that people stuff litter into them - I'm guessing you leave new a bus stop or something. So you would constantly be removing drinks cans and crisp packets from it.
What about a warning sign saying the fence is old and likely to collapse if people lean on it?

This thread title is why I still come to mumsnet

Broken sugar glass.

Won’t hurt but looks lethal.

Chicken poo fertiliser it stinks to high heaven no-one willingly stands by it

@Aussiegirl123456

Low electrical currents hehe

very High Voltage

And before the pearl clutches arrive -

JOKING

Put some barbed wire through the top. Maybe leave a box or two of plasters for them.

@drinkingwineoutofamug

Have you tried telling these people to stop it?

I certainly have, lots, but they are replaced by new people who do it.

Love some of these ideas. Might grease up the pickets with something sticky and slimy this weekend!

Paint just the top of the fence every week or so-enough to come off on hands and clothes.

Could you paint it with something that although dry looks wet. But yeah a nice spiky bush, motion sprinklers or even manual ones and just turn them on when you see people there.

@Theunamedcat

Chicken poo fertiliser it stinks to high heaven no-one willingly stands by it

Could you relocate a bench to put in front of the wonky bit?

Or a sign.....Gerrof my land.?

Some broken bottles stuck in between the slats?

Probably not terribly helpful, so I would just remove the fence.

Just go out when you see them swinging off it and say "you've broke my fence! That'll be £xx before I contact the police." They'll soon stop.