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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my ds to do what he is told.....

13 replies

ohwhattodo · 14/12/2007 23:52

PERHAPS THE FIRST TIME I ASK (atleast sometimes) POSS EVEN THE SECOND TIME but not consistnetly the third or fourth time

9 times out of 10 he whines and moans and tries to negotiate to not do it...

The things I ask are simple and reasonable like please pick up the sweety wrappers you have dropped or can you pick up the toys you have emptied all over the floor

I am pretty patient and nice but he is starting to faff me off with his lack of willingness to do the wee things I ask

He simply does not seem to like doing what I ask and I feel like he could walk all over me if i let him! Advice please

I am starting to lose my patience

he is 3 nearly 4 by the way

OP posts:
Original poster
ohwhattodo · 14/12/2007 23:55

we have a good relationship but if he behaves like this with others which I think he could easily (he doesnt get changing bahaviour for your environment) he will be branded a pain in the bum! And I want to readr him the best I can do.

I dont give in and do the things I ask him to do but it takes too much time for him to do them in my opinion

I have tried everything I can think of so advice please!

OP posts:
Linnet · 14/12/2007 23:57

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but if you find an answer let me know as my 3 year old dd is exactly the same.

Original poster
ohwhattodo · 15/12/2007 00:00

it is so boring isnt it??

it feels like ground hogg day round here

i hate defiance though in this little form i want him to want to listen to his mummy to know im fun but firm

font want to be thought of as a tyrant but neither as a walk over...

hard one I have not got there yet but it is winding me up!

OP posts:
Alambil · 15/12/2007 00:07

Do you tell him off?

At that age, DS got the count to three then time out - so you ask, then warn you will count, then count - if it's not done by "3" then he got timeout in the hall (most boring place in my house!)

He soon learnt to do it by 1 or 2!

cat64 · 15/12/2007 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ohwhattodo · 15/12/2007 00:13

I sometimes am not as positive as i could cos its all the time.....or atleast feels like it! mostly I do that but then i get faffed off inside and think if he cant follow simple instructuions gladly he will really struggle in life as not all life is cajoling if you know what i mean.....

we do the 123 thing think its waring a bit thin sadly he has even tried it on me x

OP posts:
Original poster
ohwhattodo · 15/12/2007 00:14

ithink the bottom line is i want him to do what i tell him when i tell him atleast sometimes so now feel silent inner resentment at having to cajole him along cos inwardly i just think he is being disobediant and it grates on me

i am being very blunt / honest now arent i

please tell me im not alone

i am not a victorian mummy i promise

OP posts:
cat64 · 15/12/2007 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cory · 15/12/2007 14:29

My mantra (often muttered between clenched teeth)is "childrearing is work in progress". Yes, you do need to nag, and you do need to enforce and sometimes you need to get angry and/or to punish. But feeling hurt and resentful IME is a waste of time: 3-year-olds don't have the emotional maturity to understand how their actions affect you- or to care if they did! A 3-year-old who worried about mummy's state of mind would be a very unhappy and unhealthy 3-year-old. Just grit your teeth- you'll get through one day!

beeper · 15/12/2007 16:02

tapping my foot here with my 9 year old.

Every thing is now a protracted discussion.

IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 15/12/2007 16:16

When someone works out how to get a child to willingly do as they are ask/told the first time PLEASE let me know how, DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 7

HonoriaGlossop · 15/12/2007 16:58

cat you speak perfect good sense and I totally agree.

ohwhat I really think the best thing is to get rid of that expectation of pretty much instant obedience, and thus get rid of your seething resentment.

It IS unrealistic to expect a child to jump to it really. they need cajoling and negotiating with because they are human beings with their own free will. Of course they need our guidance and boundaries because they don't know enough to keep safe without it but that does not ever mean that they come with a 'do what you're told' gene.

When you think about it it would be a VERY unhealthy thing if they did. If your ds snapped to it unthinkingly, then any adult could come and order him about and that would not necessarily be a good safe way to be!

I do think you've got to bin that expectation that he should 'do as he is told' - he needs, as cat shows, choices within the task and to know what depends on the task being done; then you're really teaching him stuff about life. If you just said 'DS pick those up' and he did it, with EVERY task, he would actually be learning nothing about life. It's all about consequences. If sweetie wrappers are dropped and not picked up he simply needs to know that oh dear, we won't have sweeties again next time then...that sort of thing. It would be very convenient for us if kids always did as told but the negotiating and cajoling is worthwhile to them IMO.

Bridie3 · 15/12/2007 17:19

Nobody ever tells you when you have kids that you will spend hours of your life either nagging them to pick things up or picking them up yourself. Sometimes I think to myself, why did I bother with an education when ALL I EFFING DO IS PICK EFFING STUFF OFF THE FLOOR?

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