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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'll be allowed a day off for childcare reasons?

29 replies

roseapothecary · 21/11/2021 20:34

I am a part-time teacher, my DH works from home full-time. My childminder has covid and so is currently closed.
My DH is covering most of the days looking after our 3 year old with MIL helping by coming over and having DS when DH is in online meetings etc. (She would struggle on her own all day as DS has disabilities). However my DH has a funeral one of the days so can't have DS then. I have to have the day off to look after him as have noone else to ask. I was planning to just tell my head the truth and that I can't come in. Could this cause a lot of trouble for me though? The head already doesn't like me due to a couple of run ins I have had with her. She can't stop me having the day off though presumably?

OP posts:
MorganKitten · 21/11/2021 20:41

I’d assume it would come out of your holiday/AL unless you have dependency leave?

AttaGirrrrl · 21/11/2021 20:42

I was pretty sure teachers were entitled to five carers days per year, but I’ve just had a quick look in the burgundy book and can’t actually find anything.

I think so long as you’re not taking the piss and clearly sharing the leave with your husband, it should be approved.

AttaGirrrrl · 21/11/2021 20:42

@MorganKitten

I’d assume it would come out of your holiday/AL unless you have dependency leave?
She’s a teacher. No holiday/annual leave.
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 21/11/2021 20:46

Can you swap with the other teacher who teaches your class? This is what my friend does in emergencies.

Groovee · 21/11/2021 20:47

We're allowed to apply for special leave or take it unpaid.

Datsandcogs · 21/11/2021 20:47

It depends on how necessary it is for DH to attend the funeral. It would have to be someone very close for this to be permissible in some of the schools I’ve worked in.

Twospaniels · 21/11/2021 20:48

I would expect you to be allowed to take carer’s leave.

TotallySuper · 21/11/2021 20:49

Sorry I think YABU. I can't see how the funeral is absolutely necessary unless it's extremely close family. My son would come first in this situation.

OnlyCans · 21/11/2021 20:49

They don't need to know about the funeral or the intricacies. They need to know that you have childcare issues and won't be able to be at work that day. Parental leave or carers leave.

Original poster
roseapothecary · 21/11/2021 20:50

Thanks for your replies I can't swap with another teacher as I am secondary. The funeral is for one of his team at work that he manages so he definitely has to go.
I've handed my notice in so am leaving at Christmas. Will still need references though so would prefer not to totally burn bridges.

OP posts:
cansu · 21/11/2021 20:52

She could in theory decline to pay you I think.
However, I am a teacher and I have had to take many days overt the years to look after my kids when sick and I have never had this happen to me.
I wouldn't ask too far in advance and I wouldn't go into detail about the funeral etc etc. Just say childminder has covid and this is one day that cannot be covered by other family members so you will not be at work. Don't ask or beg, just inform them and set cover.

crazyexornot · 21/11/2021 20:52

Fellow teacher here.. You can take a dependancy day but these can be unpaid. It seems that you don't get on with your head, I would call in sick personally at least then you'll still be paid.

Original poster
roseapothecary · 21/11/2021 20:54

Sorry I think YABU. I can't see how the funeral is absolutely necessary unless it's extremely close family. My son would come first in this situation

My DH does put our family first, he is having DS with him for 4 of my working days even though he is the main earner and it is harder for him to do his job (DS needs constant supervision). Does not the same go for me- that I should put DS first over my job?

OP posts:
TheWholeWorld · 21/11/2021 20:54

I think if you explain your CM has covid, your DH has been covering childcare up to this point but he needs to attend a funeral on X day I don't see how that could be seen as taking the p. I think the context of your childcare issues is very relevant currently. Good luck.

SickAndTiredAgain · 21/11/2021 20:56

@TotallySuper

Sorry I think YABU. I can't see how the funeral is absolutely necessary unless it's extremely close family. My son would come first in this situation.
The funeral isn’t coming ahead of their son, it’s coming ahead of her job. I’m assuming if she isn’t allowed to have it off, the son won’t be left alone all day, ultimately he’s husband would have to miss the funeral if it came down to it. So the son would come first.
Helenluvsrob · 21/11/2021 20:57

Trouble us I think emergency carers leave is just that. Employer may say -This isn’t an emergency as you know it’s going to happen and have plenty of time to plan …. However hard it is to find cover you halve time to do so ….

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 21/11/2021 21:00

I was in a similar situation when I wanted to attend the funeral of my lovely next door neighbour. I knew that I wouldn’t get the afternoon off but asked for unpaid leave and arranged for colleagues who had free periods to sit with my classes and they completed work that I had set. Could you do something similar?

rainbowzebra05 · 21/11/2021 21:01

I'd word it as an unavoidable work commitment, that he's covered so far but you need to put a day in too.

Where I work we give 5 days of emergency leave for things like childcare or drs appointments but it depends on policy as to what your work does x

Clarkey86 · 21/11/2021 21:01

People’s responses here are utterly bizarre. Why is it not okay for the OP to take one day off when her husband has already had to take far more time off? He’s already shouldered most of the load (I’m not blaming you here OP) and people are even then saying that he should make even more sacrifices and not attend the funeral of a friend and colleague. Bonkers.

I’m also a teacher and whilst it’s not ideal taking time off, my partner and I share the load and take turns.

Original poster
roseapothecary · 21/11/2021 21:02

Trouble us I think emergency carers leave is just that. Employer may say -This isn’t an emergency as you know it’s going to happen and have plenty of time to plan …. However hard it is to find cover you halve time to do so

Yes I know emergency carers leave is meant to be a day so you can arrange childcare for the rest of the days which this doesn't fall under.
Have no other childcare options atm though. My family aren't seeing me or my kids atm due to being ecv. I have a few friends who are SAHM but they couldn't have him due to his disabilities.

OP posts:
bizboz · 21/11/2021 21:05

Your school will have its own policy. At my school we get five paid days dependents leave. Anything else is unpaid.

starsinthegutter · 21/11/2021 21:05

Phone in sick, you're leaving anyway.

bizboz · 21/11/2021 21:06

DH and I are both teachers so any leave for kids sickness is very difficult but has to be done.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 21/11/2021 21:11

Could you ask around to see if people at work could cover you In their frees/PPA?
I’m a secondary school teacher and would be happy to cover 1 lesson as a one off in these circumstances. Even if you could get 2 or 3 covered it would help.

Landof · 21/11/2021 21:15

All you can do is ask, every school is different