Foster mums comments

[babyshark71]

Was talking to my foster mother yesterday on the phone, we have a close relationship.

Foster mum was venting about her DIL, and how she treats my foster mums grandchildren (her DILs step children). My foster mum made a comment about how she herself "has treated foster children better than her DIL treats her granddaughter". The comment really stung me, it sort of felt like she's saying her granddaughter is more worthy of being treated well than a foster child is.

Not only this, but my foster mum has made other comments that I didn't appreciate e.g. comparing my childhood (which was traumatic) to my foster siblings' childhood, as apparently they had a tougher time than I did. She brought this up when I informed her that I was seeking counselling to help me cope. Surely it's not a competition?

Am I being sensitive? Please be kind (but honest) with responses, as this is hard for me. I feel worthless.

The comment really stung me, it sort of felt like she's saying her granddaughter is more worthy of being treated well than a foster child is

Perhaps she just meant they should al be treated equally?

@Comedycook

The comment really stung me, it sort of felt like she's saying her granddaughter is more worthy of being treated well than a foster child is

Perhaps she just meant they should al be treated equally?

It honestly didn't come across that way. It came across the same way as when people say "you wouldn't treat a dog that way", as if humans deserve better treatment than dogs. You know?

I think only you can know how she meant the comments, but to me it more sounds like she's saying that even children that aren't blood relations deserve to be treated well?

You are close to her, I don't think she would have purposely said something that could have been understood like that unless she really didn't think it would offend. I think your background has possible made you more sensitive and her background has made her more judgemental of the way some people treat children in their care.

Re the other comment - no, it's not a competition - but honestly, my mum says stuff like this too, I don't think she means anything by it, but it is annoying! I think she loves you, and she doesn't think she has to be always on guard about what she says around you. I know that's the way my mum feels and you said you are close?

Reads to me that she was saying she loved and treated her foster children the same as her own but dil isnt doing that.

She was just venting.

@Hankunamatata

Reads to me that she was saying she loved and treated her foster children the same as her own but dil isnt doing that.

She was just venting.

This ^^

If I recall you posted some months back at the other issue? . I can't recall the outcome..but recall thinking you had complex feelings around your childhood and were in therapy(?)