Am I being sensitive

[EmilyHut90]

Hi all

So long story short my bfs sister was pregnant. She gave us tickets to a music show as she couldn't go- it was in September and baby was due a week before. Then the date got changed and it was taking place in October after she'd given birth so asked other half if she wanted them back. He said no. Then I'd booked a hotel etc to make a weekend of it and a week before she said she wanted them back. I gave them back and got hotel refunded etc so no money lost but I feel annoyed. Especially as I brought loads of expensive stuff for them and chipped in a lot more because my bf was tight for money I spent triple what he did (approx £150) on things which I said was from both of us.

Am I being annoyed for a silly reason and should I just let it go?

Appreciate your perspectives xx

I don’t know why you gave the tickets back. If you’re gifting someone, it’s the wrong mentality to expect to receive back. We’re in November now, so just move on.

hmmm.

i think - yes, it's a bit annoying she asked for them, especially since you offered them back - and then she changed her mind. However, luckily you're not out of pocket.

The spending of money/chipping in is unrelated to this.

However, reading between the lines - the relationship you all have is...weird. Why are you going through your boyfriend to talk to her? Don't you guys have each other's mobile?

She's a rude, cheeky cow. You don't give something away and then ask for it back.

Yeah have her number but felt she may be able to be honest with her brother about wanting them back and by me asking I wouldn't have wanted to influence that? Hence I asked him and at that point I honestly wouldn't have had any issues at all. It's just she said no then we obviously made plans then she changed her mind. Appreciate your thoughts x

Totally agree its November now but I'm starting to buy Christmas presents for my family and bfs like what should we get them meaning likely me because he's still financially getting him sorted but I kind of don't want to and want to tell my bf to get whatever he wants for them! Maybe I'm being selfish!

It’s rude and bad manners, I’d be annoyed too. I probably wouldn’t do anything about it & would be wary next time

@EmilyHut90

Totally agree its November now but I'm starting to buy Christmas presents for my family and bfs like what should we get them meaning likely me because he's still financially getting him sorted but I kind of don't want to and want to tell my bf to get whatever he wants for them! Maybe I'm being selfish!

He expects you to buy his family presents? Erm no? How long have you been together?

If your bf wants to get them something then he should. If he cannot afford it, then they’ll survive without a present. You don’t owe his family anything.

Could it be your bf said no without actually asking her / telling her you’d asked and he’d said no?

So she assumed you hadn’t offered?

He definitely asked her because he initially said let me check and then he came a day or so later and said no she doesn't want them back.

I don't mind helping out with presents etc. No issues and he does a huge amount for me. Did a million trips to help me move etc etc. Just this thing has annoyed me but I think I just need to let it go but keep my distance and let him do what he wants for his family- for my own sanity atleast!

On the fence. He offered them back so guessing his sis thought you guys don't really want them

Or could bf not really wanted to go

No he actually really wanted to go and had been saying for 2 months that he was so looking forward to it.

Part of her wanting them back was that she wanted a night out.

I would 100% put a stop to buying his family presents! Contribute financially if you want but let him do the work. This will help you long term as he will grow to expect it and you will end up doing it forever!

I would 100% put a stop to buying his family presents! Contribute financially if you want but let him do the work. This will help you long term as he will grow to expect it and you will end up doing it forever

^Yes. This is important and deserves repeating.

I totally agree and thank you so much 🙏🏻

I can't believe someone thinks it's ok to give you tickets then ask for them back.
Regarding the Xmas presents, buy for your own family and let him get for his own. I know you said you don't mind, but that's not the point. You're making a rod for your own back.

Do not be doing your bfs Xmas shopping for him!
I learnt that lesson after 2 years with my now husband! He has done his family and I've done mine for the last 8 years and it's much more harmonious that way!

The Christmas presents - put that back on him.

The tickets, she only gave them to you because she couldn’t go while heavily pregnant/due, and then Covid interfered. I’d give her the tickets back, tbh. She bought them so she obviously really wanted to go: if your oh wanted to see the band so badly, he’d have got his own, so it seems a bit opportunistic to not offer them back, IMHO.

It’s not her fault that your boyfriend is taking money off you! And she wouldn’t even know. That’s totally irrelevant.

I don’t think she’s cheeky. I think that by him asking her recently if she wanted them back, he probably set up the scenario where it was seen as acceptable that she could say she wanted them.

He’s only your boyfriend, there is no way you should be contributing to presents for ANY of his family let alone his twat sister who took a present back. She doesn’t deserve anything! You’re not fringe selfish. Let him get her a £1 selection box.

And why are you paying so much? I’m smelling a cocklodger.

Thanks all. I'm definitely going to nip the present thing in the bud now before it becomes a huge issue. Difficult to see when you're in the situation so your advice has been greatly appreciated 💖