Who is unreasonable?

[GratefulEgg]

AIBU for making plans with friends to do something that DH and DSC would probably enjoy to do as well.

Basically I have a couple of friends with DC the same age as our DS. We sometimes plan to do things together, if we see an event on for example we'll arrange to go with the kids.

We were talking the other week and someone mentioned X event and how it would be nice for the kids and should we go. I said yes sounds good, paid my friend for the ticket and we are all going with our kids in a few weeks (don't have anything planned for that day).

Anyway mentioned it to DH and he is sulking because apparently he'd have liked to go and DSC would as well and I could have checked with them first instead of agreeing to go with friends.

AIBU to agree to plans with friends without always checking whether DH wants me to go with him instead? I'm quite happy to go twice if he's that bothered (or for him to just suggest we do anything at all which he never does!).

Just to clarify, these friends are all women and none of their husbands / partners are going either. We just meet up to go and do things with our kids sometimes.

I'm quite happy…. for him to just suggest we do anything at all which he never does!)

Oh he’s one of those dads/partners. I bet your step children do nothing with their dad unless you’ve planned and booked it.

Tell him your DS would happily go again, he can take all of his children together, maybe with some of his friends, while you have a lovely day to yourself.

Yes he's not great at making plans for things. Small things like the park or a walk he'll randomly suggest we do but he'd never look into and book something like this.

Admittedly though it's quite a big day out and wasn't that cheap.

Of course YANBU.

Leave him to his lazy sulking.

What exactly is the appeal of him?

Are you going during the week when you're looking after the DC and he'll be at work? Or on a weekend when he'll just be hanging around at home without you?

It's a weekend. No need for him to hang around at home though if he doesn't want to!

He can just book and take his children can't he!

If he and DSC want to go he can book tickets.

What does he want you to say? "Oh that's a great idea, friend. DS and I would enjoy that but we might not come with you if DH and DSC want to go. Thanks for the great suggestion."?

If it's a weekend your step children are with you and if they're a similar age to your children I can see that they may feel like they're not as important as your children and be upset to miss the nice Christmas Day trip but it's up to your husband to sort that out and book something for them to do.

Anyway mentioned it to DH and he is sulking because apparently he'd have liked to go and DSC would as well and I could have checked with them first instead of agreeing to go with friends

I think he needs to be reminded that you’re not his social secretary. Nor are you there to arrange entertainment for him so that his DC doesn’t wonder why he’s got such a useless lump as a father. If he cannot be arsed to spend ten minutes looking at the area’s ‘What’s On’ guide to find something fun for his DC, and your DC to do together as a family, then why should you?

Perhaps this could be said quite gently, but the sulking means that he needs a swift kick up the bum.

He can take his children if it’s that important to him/them. Or like you say, you can go twice.
It will be great for your children to go with friends.

And as for dsc feeling left out, they’re not being left out of anything because OP isn’t their mum. She’s allowed to make plans without them in mind, in the knowledge that they will be with their father who can entertain them and they also their own mum who they no doubt do things with.

Just as a side note. People go on saying that fathers should make some special time for their NR children. As soon as the stepmum and her children make plans, which gives the father the perfect opportunity to spend time with his older children, the older children are still hard done by because they’re not going out with their stepmum.

I think yabu not to mention you are taking some but not all the dc to an enjoyable activity without giving their df warning that he will need to plan something equivalent for the other dc so they don't feel excluded.

@Stompythedinosaur

I think yabu not to mention you are taking some but not all the dc to an enjoyable activity without giving their df warning that he will need to plan something equivalent for the other dc so they don't feel excluded.

I have mentioned it, I've not even gone yet. He has time if he wants to arrange something else. I'm not even sure if DSC will be here that day.

I don't think he's coming from a place of concern that DSC will feel excluded. I've gone out with friends before when they've been here, they have never batted an eye. I think this is just something he likes the sound of so wishes I'd have asked to go with them rather than my friends.

To the PP who asked, they are not similar in age but it's not really something that's tailored to one specific age group anyway.

YANBU! I don't include DH in every plan I make.