Don’t want to be upset by this but I am

[IWannaGoToTheSpa]

This is stupid I know. My 4 year old DD has always been such a mummy’s girl. So clingy and only wants me for everything. It’s always been quite draining but I love her and know she’s only little. Recently, to my delight, she’s started wanting daddy more and I’m really happy because I know he loves it, it makes it more even across us and I’m freer to pop to the corner shop quickly or even to the kitchen to get a drink without her clinging to me! She’s just started dancing lessons about 4 or 5 weeks ago. Something about it gives me so much joy - her little uniform, she’s so happy, she’s skipping all the way there. It’s something I really look to for her on a Saturday morning. Last 3 weeks, she’s wanted daddy to take her. Of course this is fine. But for some reason it makes me burst into tears the second she walks off with him down the road. I LOVE taking her. I can’t explain it. I feel like I’ve got through all the really hard years of her being a baby - pre schooler (I did struggle with the baby days) and now this feels like the bit I get to really enjoy. I’m so sad I’m just sat here crying when I should be enjoying the peace (9 month old napping) and free time but I just want to be with her and enjoy it with her. Has anyone else experienced this?! I’m so sad over it! I’m not normally like this! I’d jump for joy in the past when she was occasionally happy for daddy to take her swimming or something. Don’t know why I’m so sad. Feel like an idiot.

Go with them
As a family

@Oftenithinkaboutit would have done - would do in the future - but someone needed to put the baby to sleep. She’s has way too many naps out in the buggy/car so nice to give her a proper cot nap when we can.

Yes, either enjoy the peace, or say that mummy is coming too.

Thanks - practically I know the solutions - I’m more interested if anyone else has had any sort of emotional reaction like this? X

Very low level

And then as soon as baby was napping and I was enjoying peace and alone time - happy as Larry

@IWannaGoToTheSpa

Thanks - practically I know the solutions - I’m more interested if anyone else has had any sort of emotional reaction like this? X

I get it OP. Taking my DD to her baby ballet class used to be the highlight of my week. She's nearly 10 now, and I still well up if I see the little ballerinas heading into class and think "oh I wish I could do that with DD one more time!"

I'd insist on taking turns, and say quite firmly, no, daddy took you last week, it's mummy's turn today. She'll get used to it, and why should you miss out?

Sounds like a little bit of separation anxiety, I felt a bit like that when I took my DC to nursery first time. I was happy to see they were happy but also sad that they weren't fussed to be without me - if that makes sense? Same when my exh first took our then 3yo for her first visitation after we separated. Happy that she was seeing her dad, but kinda sad watching them walk away!

I'd go with next time, maybe wean yourself a little bit at a time - go along some times, stay home others. It gets easier x

Weve always done 'taking turns' for lots of stuff like this, otherwise when they get a preference for something like bed time, then they get their way, and having a nice snuggle at bed time then reinforces the bond with the favourite parent and it kind of escalates.
So we say quite early on (day before activity or much earlier before they are tired at bed) that mummy put you to bed / took you swimming last time and daddy really wants to read you a book or whatever this time as it's his turn and it's generally accepted

@KurtWilde thanks, I can see how you felt like that. Hard isn’t it. Funnily enough, I never felt like this about anything else, was just so happy when she started nursery and now school that she could be without me -it was such a relief - same with any other activity. It’s just the dancing thing! I think maybe I will suggest turn taking though x

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal thanks for getting it! Nice to know I’m not being totally unreasonable in my feelings xx

I think the new baby explains it. She gets her dad's full attention on the way to dance class.

I do stand corrected though. I thought I didn’t want practically advised with solutions but your responses have made me re think this - thought I was just best to let her go with daddy if that’s what she wanted but maybe it is best to say we’ll take turns so we don’t get into preferences. It used to be this way with bedtime for 3 years and I always had to do it but was better when we enforced taking turns. Thanks mumsnetters. You strike again! V helpful x

@AnFiadhRua I don’t understand this - when I took my DD to dance class I left the baby at home with her her dad. My DD had my attention :) x

I know how you feel, it is almost like a rejection when they suddenly want daddy more than you but it is totally irrational! DD is a bit of a daddy's girl now but still waNts me if she's ill or upset.

I miss DC at the times when they want, rather than needing, a parent. There’s something joyful about spending time together just for the pleasure of it rather than because they can’t bear being without you.

Take turns and enjoy that.