I can't speak to men I am attracted to!

[requiredrue]

I'm a 29 year old female. Have had about 3 serious relationships, 2 in which we lived together. I have always been this way but I find it very hard to speak to men I find attractive in any capacity. When I was starting out my relationships alcohol would get me through the early stages of nerves and I would feel on edge and really nervous when I was sober around them. Like every move I made had to be perfect as I didn't want to turn them off.

I started a new job 6 months ago. Wasn't initially attracted to my manager but as time has went on I've grown more and more attracted to him. It's now at the stage and can barely communicate with him and he is my manager so this won't fly! Tonight he was standing talking to me and I just wanted to inch near him but at the same time could hardly get two words out, my eyes started watering (something they do when I'm nervous) and I just couldn't talk to him the way I could 2 months ago when this attraction wasn't there.

I had this in my old job where an attractive guy would come in and I'd have to walk away as I couldn't speak to him. When I go into a families house in my current job if the dad is very attractive I can barely make eye contact and get really flustered.

It's ruining my life. AIBU to think this is not at all normal?

Bump

It's normal you are not alone Many people fake it and sort of plow through the interaction trying to act as normal ad possible. It can be excruciating yes and you will come feeling very cringey. Just stick to bland niceties; you don't have to have a scintillating conversation. Don't let this affect your work.

I've found this OP

sesamebutdifferent.com/blogs/chia-poppys-corner/how-to-be-less-shy-and-awkward-around-your-crush

I don't think there's any clear cut 'cure' for this - it's something we probably all suffer from to some degree :)

I'm older than you and i suffered from it when i was a teen and i still get a bit hot under the collar when dealing with an attractive bloke, especially if it's one who makes lots of eye contact. I never know where to look!

I meant to add - a really good tip for having to speak to other people when you're nervous for whatever reason is to remember that most people talk about themselves with ease, so ask them questions about themselves and listen carefully to the answers. The convo. should flow hopefully.

Yup, I suddenly become fluent in a language no one has heard of. Agree there’s no cure only damage limitation.

Yup, I suddenly become fluent in a language no one has heard of

I think I once developed a tick, and you can end ul doing some weird movements/gestures that you would bever do normally.

I saw a girl who'd been introduced to a v attractive guy at a festival doing some weird head bobbing, weaving thing abd i thought "oh you poor thing, that's exactly the kind of shit I'd be doing".

I do it too. It's totally normal. Just breathe. Smile, ask questions, listen.

Shyness is actually really attractive. Many people find it adorable.

One thing I have noticed about myself, though... is that I'm more like this when I'm not 100% sure I'm in the right space for a relationship. Meaning, times when I've been very conscious of wanting a relationship for the sake of a relationship (to validate myself, or whatever).

Basically, it happens more when I'm putting pressure on myself, yet don't feel quite prepared for something to develop. It's as if I think, deep down... what if something actually happens? We kiss, then we have sex, then we're dating, then we're in a relationship... How will I find the time for it? Do I really want to be "seen" that intimately (sexually and emotionally) right now? Can I be bothered with all the effort? Etc. I suspect with me it's an unconscious distancing thing.

I don't know if any of that rings true for you.

There is no cure that I know of, other than just going with the flow and seeing what happens. When it does happen, it eventually passes and I'm either able to operate like a normal human being around them again, or I completely lose interest in the person anyway, haha.

In the interests of balance I can confirm that this afflicts us men too.

I would have to say, though: in our heads, just walking away as soon as I enter the room = you can't stand to be in the same place as me... what did I do?

@ThurstonArmbrister

In the interests of balance I can confirm that this afflicts us men too.

I would have to say, though: in our heads, just walking away as soon as I enter the room = you can't stand to be in the same place as me... what did I do?

@ThurstonArmbrister

In the interests of balance I can confirm that this afflicts us men too.

I would have to say, though: in our heads, just walking away as soon as I enter the room = you can't stand to be in the same place as me... what did I do?

My DP was incredibly shy around me when we first met, I was so insanely attracted to him because of it, its so endearing 😀 As a pp said I found him adorable. It made a nice change after years of arrogant letchy men harrassing me. Don't worry OP, be the best you can be and the right man will love you for who you are, watery eyes included! 👀

Shyness is actually really attractive. Many people find it adorable.

Problem is my shyness and nervousness results in looking away, not making or keeping eye contact etc. and IME most men interpret that as lack of interest, standoffishness etc

@Allsortsofroses

Shyness is actually really attractive. Many people find it adorable.

Problem is my shyness and nervousness results in looking away, not making or keeping eye contact etc. and IME most men interpret that as lack of interest, standoffishness etc

Yes, they will. Unfortunately all of these things are negative signals. I say this with the kindest intentions: we can't read women's minds.