Making new friends in your thirties?

[Lizards898]

Hi everyone,

So I’m 32 years old. I’ve just got out of a controlling and abusive relationship of over ten years. I need to make a complete break from my ex.

Unfortunately the only friends I have are “our” friends, people who are also friends with him. I know it seems brutal but I absolutely have to cut off anyone associated with him. He’s already tried to stalk me, been trying to find out my new address from them (I haven’t given to them for this reason), he repeatedly rang my one close friend who is not friends with him for a week straight screaming down the phone asking for my address. If I stay friends with “our” friends he’ll constantly be trying to find out info on me and it’s too stressful. Also the friends we share together think he’s a complete angel and the nicest guy so that’s another layer to it.

I am realistic. I know it’s much more difficult in your thirties than twenties to make new friends and I’m not the most extrovert person and I do kick myself for being in this situation at my age. :(

I just need some advice really on if it’s even possible to make new friends in your thirties?

Thank you

Join a hobby group - I made a lot of friends through starting a martial art. Or is there anyone at work (if you work)?

Basically, if you have a reason to regularly be around a group if people it is much easier to make friends!

Am making new friends in my fifties and not even in my home country
Book Clubs
Walking groups
Hobby groups
Volunteering
Suggesting coffee first instead of waiting endlessly for them to suggest it.

As above for suggestions of where to make friends. Book clubs, walking groups and volunteering are particularly good, because there is inherantly lots of talking to other people. I've made a new group of friends in my 30s, and I'm extremely introverted. It took time, and like any relationship it does take work, you do need to put time and effort in. Especially as there aren't the shared memories and easiness as with old school friends to always fall back on. Good luck OP, I really feel for you, it sounds like you've been through some tough times.

All my friends are online. Join a Twitter community for any interests you have.

I'm 27 and last year made a new friend through bumble BFF! It was quite strange because I was used to using apps like that for dating but I'm really close with the friend I made now, so I'm glad I gave it a go!

Sport is great for making new friends, as the focus is on the activity, not the people. And then you get to know the people gradually

Book clubs, walking groups and volunteering are particularly good, because there is inherantly lots of talking to other people.

Yes. I made many new friends in my 40s by doing things like this. It's finding the first one or two that's tricky. After that things snowball but keep going through the tricky stage, because it is worth it.

Book clubs, walking groups and volunteering are particularly good, because there is inherantly lots of talking to other people.

This ^ PLUS, even if you don't particularly 'click' with someone when you go to a meeting or walk or event, you have still have a nice evening or day out, doing something you enjoy, whereas if you join a "meet up" sort of app then it is disappointing if you don't make a friend or soon very soon. If you are enjoying the walks or the volunteering or the chat about the book or whatever, then you've still had a nice time even if none of the people look like they are going to become a closer friend.

I would also be wary of joining something on-line to get to know people when your ex is behaving in such a 'stalkerish' fashion. Surely that would make it easier for him to find you ?

I moved in my 30s to a new city where I knew not a soul. Ten years later I've got a good social life here. What worked for me ;

1. Volunteering, then working
2. Netmums meet a mum (not sure if you have DC?)
3. Getting to know neighbours through local FB group

I would say, it's harder to break into a big established friendship group at this stage of life. Better to focus on finding a few individuals that you have something in common with and suggest a meet for your preferred activity (bell ringing / charity shop browsing / whatever). I found this less stressful than the ubiquitous 'meet for a coffee' which always felt like a date!

Do you have any friends from before this relationship that you could drop a line and try to reconnect?

I've made loads of new friends in my thirties, much better ones than I made in my twenties too.