To think this isn't right?

[Twounderfive83]

My DS is 5, turning 6 in a couple of months, in year 1.

He's been a bit of a party pooper probably since starting school. He doesn't like things that lots of children seem to like, dressing up, discos etc.

I know he's found starting year 1 hard, he was always happy going to school when he was in reception, never once complained, but he says year 1 is too much work, too much writing etc. He often says he doesn't like school, isn't happy there, and he moans on the way. He's been in trouble for silliness a few times too.

He does have close friends so I'm not worried it's a friendship issue.

This morning it was a battle to get him to wear his clothes for children in need. We saw a friend on the way in and he didn't want to show her what he was wearing, and when they saw another classmate who had sparkly face paint on, he said "I HATE sparkly face paint", and when he gave the teacher his charity money he said "I hate Pudsey!".

I cringed at this so much. I will speak to him later about how it's rude to say things like this. But it's the sheer grumpiness and negativity that really drives me mad and also worries me - why is he so grumpy? Is he really that unhappy? He's ok at home really, can be very grumpy and stroppy and winds his younger sibling up like mad but generally a good boy.

I have a meeting with his teacher next week so I'll ask her if he seems happy at school. I was told at his recent parents' evening that he was happy and settled well into year 1 (she glossed over the silliness, I actually found out more from DS about him being in trouble over it).

DH thinks it's normal, kid behaviour. AIBU to disagree?

"I hate Pudsey"

Not trying to minimise, OP, but I think kids are allowed to be a bit grumpy about all this 'compulsory fun', as we are.

I hate pudsey and anything corporate and I’m not even keen on Santa. Perhaps he is developing a kind of wry sense of humour that you could join in with and laugh about?
Does he have joy elsewhere? Maybe he’s quite a cynic

Totally normal little boy behaviour

I hate Pudsey too 😂

And as a child I HATED being told to do organised ‘fun’ things! I liked having fun on my own terns. Hadn’t changed as an adult..

He doesn’t sound abnormal to me.

My eldest has never liked this sort of thing and says stuff like that. Has friends and likes playing/doing stuff he likes but finds certain things annoying.

I hate fancy dress so maybe he gets it from me

We’ve talking to him about how it’s ok not to like things but to try not to spoil other people’s fun/make others feel silly

I think it’s normal. I don’t have a son but I have a nephew that age and I can totally see him saying these things. He seems to dislike the ‘organised fun’ at the moment and would rather just do his own thing. If you’re worried, speak to the teacher but I don’t think you need to be too worried about it.

I think the idea of enforced, organised 'fun' just doesn't appeal to some kids. My eldest DD hated anything like that when she was small, but my other kids lapped it up.

Yup, teacher here and it sounds perfectly normal. Sadly year one is a massive shock and change from reception (don't get me started) and some children, particularly boys, find it really tough. I could write a whole post on how depressing that is, but I won't!

I've heard children say things like this before (my own son included) and it usually makes me smile. He's finding the things he likes and dislikes and is learning how to express it.
Saying that, you are perfectly right to explain that there are some things that will hurt other people's feelings and it's best not to go around telling others that you hate what they are wearing etc.
Ask his teacher how he is in the playground etc. Often children save their grumpiness for the people at home, you offer a place he feels safe to tell you. If he's enjoying his friends, doing things out of school he enjoys, seems happy in the playground, I wouldn't worry too much. (Although that's easy to say and I have worried myself silly over similar things!) Good luck.

Oh, and if he doesn't like dressing up for world book day, Harry and his bucket full of dinosaurs is a nice easy one!

Why battle to get him to wear them? If he wants to wear his uniform for school then let him.

KurtWilde

I think the idea of enforced, organised 'fun' just doesn't appeal to some kids. My eldest DD hated anything like that when she was small, but my other kids lapped it up.“

This. Hates too strong but Pudsey gets on my wick too. I donate in spite of all the nonsense not because of it. Must be awful to have no choice but to join in with it if it’s just not your thing.

Could it be sensory issues? My son cannot bear face paint or sunblock, loud noises or crowds. School is exhausting for him, especially writing. Writing is so hard for small children, it involves all sorts of skills and they're so small and there are distractions everywhere. It's incredibly tiring.

I think your boy sounds sensitive and a bit overwhelmed.

Lol, sounds like one of mine. Grown up into a lovely teen (who can secretly hate face paint, dressing up and forced fun in piece now he’s older).

Kids are different. Just let him go in normal clothes or uniform and have a good talk about the charity donation and all the things it does for people. Without the pressure of ‘fun’ he can b Esposito be about charity work.

I never made my son dress up or join in, so why. He’s generally a nice kid, good to others. He know likes nerdy interests, that’s fine.

My DS has always been a bit like this. In Y6 he refused to take part in the leavers production because he said it was too embarrassing. It was very cheesy

Maybe we could start an 'I hate Pudsey' club! Nasty smug begging bear.

Ds hated dress up days so much he often vomited with anxiety before them.
He would probably have said "I hate Pudsy" if he'd thought Pudsy was to blame for him being asked to wear yellow spotty clothes. He wouldn't have worn them whatever was said either.

The odd thing is that he will go on stage wearing anything: literally no problems with anything, including make up. Ask him to wear a red t-shirt for red nose day, or even a t-shirt with a little bit of red on, or put a red dot on his nose and that's where he sticks.

The girls loved dress up days.

World Book day: He wanted to go as the invisible man (ie not being there). I thought the school prospectus was a good idea and he could still wear uniform. He did not.

Don't talk to him about not being rude. All that will achieve is he feel that he can't tell you if he doesn't like something.

I can’t blame him.
My 6 year old DD is the exact opposite, she gets all hyped up by all the fake jollies from school. It’s all we hear about for weeks.

@MrsSkylerWhite Must be awful to have no choice but to join in with it if it’s just not your thing.

Yes, this. Once I realised she'd be happier not forced into dress up when it just wasn't her thing, I paid the quid or whatever for the charity but let her wear her normal clothes that day instead. Just couldn't see the point in sending her off grumpy for the sake of it. She started to accept it a bit more around 8/9 but it was more to do with trying to fit in with her friends than actually enjoying it.

She's 25 now and will happily dress up for a Halloween party but that's out of choice.

Year 1 is actual school work. Lots of grumpy faces in the beginning

I'm 31 and I STILL remember the disappointment of going into Y1 from Reception. The Reception classroom was full of toys and paints and colours, whereas in Y1 you had structured lessons like Maths, English and Science.. of course, there was plenty of learning in Reception too, but it was presented differently.

Perhaps he's struggling a little with the fact this is proper school now, whereas last year was mostly just playing.

I hate sparkly face paint too.

He's probably grumpy because he's been forced into something he doesn't want to participate in.

Are you a bit over-enthusiastic, trying to encourage him to show people his outfit etc? That'll make a grumpy person more grumpy

Why are you making him dress up if he doesn’t want to. My son hated anything to do with dressing up or any kind of imaginary play.

Don’t make him dress up if he doesn’t want to. Some children are just grumpy in general. I think it’s also normal to not necessarily want to join in. Maybe he feels silly dressed up so I wouldn’t push it with him.

I'm on his side and children are allowed to have thoughts and feelings. I wouldn't try to change his feelings or make him do unnecessary things that he hates. School is important. Sparkly paint and dressing up is not. Do the bare minimum to get by.

I lasted one session of Brownies 50 years ago because I hated all the forced activities, singing and conformity. I'm a fairly extreme introvert

My son would never enjoy those things. He is high functioning autistic though (only realised in his teens).

In case I sound like the worst mum ever, the theme was quite vague so I told him to wear what he wanted, and I would take the top my DH bought back to the shop - he then insisted on wearing the top over the t shirt of his choice, like a jacket. So he’d gone in wearing what he’d chosen in the end.

World book day weirdly he has always been on board with and never wants to do my “easy” suggestions like the Smartest Giant in Town. He wants the expensive shop bought Zog etc costumes. Luckily I have another DC so I can hopefully recycle.

Thank you everyone, though. It’s good to hear it doesn’t mean he’s necessarily hugely unhappy. I asked him yesterday what had made him happy at school and he said nothing, it just made me feel tired

I don’t think I’m hugely enthusiastic myself so perhaps I’m projecting in trying to make him less negative and jollier. My DH is the most unenthusiastic person in the world and we are both very cynical too.

DS’ school is a good one but it’s very “jazz hands” and I think this sort of thing is only going to get worse as he gets older. God help us!