About DS clarinet tutor

[Croesotygwyn]

Not sure if I’ve done something wrong. Tutor visits our home to teach clarinet each week and has done for over a year. Last week DS wasn’t feeling well so I texted to cancel. Then the following week I didn’t pay because I’d already paid for the lesson which we missed.

I then received an abrupt message from her saying she doesn’t automatically carry over lessons and that in future lessons will need to be paid for if cancelled without 24 hours notice.

When I saw her earlier I offered to pay but explained that I wasn’t aware of her cancellation fee as we don’t have any formal contract. She was a bit off and said don’t worry about it, she muttered something about it being ‘presumptuous’ and a common courtesy to offer to pay with short notice cancellations.

I’m now worried I have upset her as I think I came across as I bit too direct earlier, I was a bit put out about the message. She has just sent a text to say she won’t be available for a couple of weeks as she’s ‘focusing on performance rather than teaching’

Have I done something wrong?

Yep!! She's right why did you presume you wouldn't have to pay and it would be carried over? However she should have been clearer from the start and had a contract maybe to cover this sort of thing. Either way she's obviously pissed off. I'd go elsewhere now.

When we have arranged a lesson with a tutor, clarinet, maths or other if we cancel due to sickness we still pay for the lesson.

I think she's pissed off at losing the money but that all should have been discussed when the lessons started.

My experience with music lessons is you pay (usually on a termly basis) and you only get a refund/carry over if the teacher cancels. If you cancel, you still pay.

However, in your situation with no formal contract and paying per lesson etc it's a bit murkier. Especially as she has a short notice cancellation thing going so it sounds like she usually doesn't expect lessons paid for if students cancel in advance.

If you really like her and think she's a good teacher, then I would let it blow over. It's a bit awkward but should be forgotten about soon enough. Or maybe apologise once more and ask for a contract or list of terms and conditions/rules so you everyone is on the same page.

If you are less keen on her and want a different teaching set up, look elsewhere.

But I did offer to pay for the missed lesson after she sent the message and she didn’t take it, surely if she was pissed off at losing the money she would have taken it?

I think I am upset with the abrupt text message and that came across when I saw her and explained I was unaware of her policy.

I do like her and so does DS but I can’t help but feel a bit cross and upset too. We known her for over a year and never had any issues.

It’s just all a bit awkward now

She was doing that polite British thing where people say don't worry about it when they don't mean it.

It's dreadful that you didn't pay her when you cancelled last minute. Of course she's pissed off!

I just read your original post again and the whole She has just sent a text to say she won’t be available for a couple of weeks as she’s ‘focusing on performance rather than teaching is a bit weird. Either she is very angry or runs a very informal set up (if she has previously paused lessons for performances, I'd say the second, if not, probably the first).

That would massively put me off and I would probably be looking for a different teacher. I wouldn't worry too much OP because most teachers give clear guidance/a contract at the beginning. She should have done that.

But as for the not taking the money once offered - that is probably it already being awkward and her not wanting the awkward grudging money offer thing.

In those circumstances, (where you have misunderstood and not paid for something you should have), you don't offer the money, you apologise and say you are sending the money without a whole "do you want..." thing. Because the polite answer will always be "no, don't worry about it."

I'd always assume I had to pay if cancelling last minute otherwise its lost income for them as they can't fill the space at short notice

However she could have just asked for and accepted the money, and then she has effectively cancelled you pretty short notice for a shit reason so I wouldn't feel too bad about it

If you cancel you pay but if the tutor cancels you don’t. You don’t need a contract it’s basic manners.

I'd be looking for a new tutor. That is a snooty and really rude response. Very unprofessional and also unwise

Wait - let me get this straight. You had already paid for the missed lesson, but then didn't pay for the following lesson because you paid for the previous lesson (Which your child did not attend)? I would still say you were being unreasonable, but not for not paying for short notice cancellation, but for using her services for the lesson after the missed lesson, and not paying for that lesson.

There should have been a proper agreement in place but YABU to think you shouldn’t have to pay for a short notice cancellation. She is clearly very pissed off.

@BudrosBudrosGalli

I'd be looking for a new tutor. That is a snooty and really rude response. Very unprofessional and also unwise

This. I don't understand many of the responses. If it's paying per lesson I would not have even thought I'd have to pay if child was sick. It never would have occurred to me. Ffs, children get sick all the time! Why would you pay if you didn't have the lesson, and there is no contract? Posts on here are strange. OP you owe the tutor nothing, and in fact, what I would do is text her and say something like: "I have decided we won't continue with you as a tutor. I find your demeanour and attitude to be thoroughly nasty and unprofessional. I will be engaging the services of another clarinet tutor".

PS, my DH is an Instrumental Music teacher and he said you don't owe her if you cancel due to illness and why he thinks anyone would think you do is beyond him. He says to dump her.

As someone with experience in this area (clue's in the user name) I would say there is a bit of a lack of forethought on both sides. The teacher should have made clear what her policy on cancellations was when the lessons started and, ideally, had some kind of written guidelines and you should have thought to ask, particularly in recent circumstances with lockdowns, isolations etc . As this did not happen, I think that either you look past this and allow DS's lessons to continue since you say you both like the teacher or, if you have lost confidence in her, find someone else which may or may not be easy depending on supply and demand in your area.