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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People at the gym waiting next to equipment while you work out-intimidating and rude?!

69 replies

Cheeseslice7 · 18/11/2021 20:48

Does anybody else find this extremely off-putting and intimidating? A piece of equipment has finally become free, I start my workout and then hear the dreaded "how long are you going to be?". I've frequently had people literally watching me next to my machine, barely giving me any space, hands on hips waiting for their turn. The worst case was when I've literally had a bloke trying to force me off the equipment! In this instance I was assertive and said no, wait for your turn but I'm not going to lie, I went home after that even though I wasn't at the end of my workout because I felt a bit shaken. I'm certainly not an equipment hogger and I've noticed it done to other people too at my gym! I'm not sure whether to make a complaint or just suck it up?

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 19/11/2021 06:56

Waiting is fine, you might be short of tine and if you go on other equipment when waiting someone else might get on next. Being rude/pushy isn't though. Try and make peace with being assertive about this

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 19/11/2021 07:20

@dementedma

This is why I, and a lot of women, wont go to gyms
I've just joined a gym for the first time in my life and picked the one I did because it has a women's only private area. I love it in there, none of this kind of behaviour.
SixQuidGames · 19/11/2021 07:27

Oh, I’ve had that in gyms before and it’s fucking infuriating. I’ve had a man tell me I have to move off a piece of equipment so he can use it. I had my headphones in so I had to take them out and ask him to repeat himself.

‘I said, I’m going to have to ask you to move so I can get on there.’

I just replied that I’d only just got on and was going to finish my sets. It’s so bloody rude. There were a few men in my previous gym who were terrible hoggers - they’d do sets on three or four machines but you weren’t allowed to use any of the machines when they weren’t on them.

I think you have to be prepared to either just ignore them and crack on or tell them firmly that you’re doing your sets so they should give you some space. It’s easier with headphones.

CounsellorTroi · 19/11/2021 07:33

My gym used to have three rowing machines but since Covid there’s only one so there’s often someone on it when I go in but I wouldn’t dream of standing next to it waiting.

Hot tub hoggers are also annoying when I go for an evening swim. There are people who don’t seem to swim but just spend the whole evening in the hot tub chatting.

Bunnycat101 · 19/11/2021 07:51

I don’t think it’s ok to loiter by the machines actually especially if it’s obvious you want one and could be seen as trying to rush the person on it. Just go and find something else to do. I wouldn’t like it and I’ve never really seen that at gyms I’ve been at. The OP should definitely complain if someone has tried to force her off.

wavingwhilstdrowning · 19/11/2021 07:53

this is why I stopped going to the gym

Thelikelylass · 19/11/2021 08:34

I used to go to a super expensive gym, eye watering. I always had this, one guy even came up to me and asked me to get off a piece of equipment just as I was setting it up. He wanted to keep his 'sequence'. I told him to do one, and very loudly.
I have no hesitation in going up to men sitting on their arses on the phone keeping me waiting to do my workout.

Laiste · 19/11/2021 09:10

SixQuidGames - ''Oh, I’ve had that in gyms before and it’s fucking infuriating. I’ve had a man tell me I have to move off a piece of equipment so he can use it. I had my headphones in so I had to take them out and ask him to repeat himself.''

''‘He said, I’m going to have to ask you to move so I can get on there.’''

Shock

My GOD!
''I'm going to have to ask you to fuck off'' is the reply needed here!

Laiste · 19/11/2021 09:14

In reply to the original question though - i do think it's bad form to be seen to be waiting for a piece of equipment because it would put a lot of people off.

Strangely i'd rather be rudely asked to move so i can then tell them to bugger off and have them bugger off rather than have someone loitering about politely in my peripherals. I'd feel the need to be equally polite and get off quick Hmm

MangoBiscuit · 19/11/2021 09:19

Eugh, annoying, rude and sometimes, fucking creepy. I hate it when guys do this. I am lucky enough that I kinda have scary dog privilege. I'm very tall, and pretty strong, and have tattoos and facial piercings. Didn't stop some guy coming over and trying to pick up my barbell while I was getting my breath back. I'd just set it down, was less than a foot away from me, and I hadn't moved off the platform. I slammed my foot down on the bar and growled at him. He did back up pretty quickly, but I bet he wouldn't have even tried if I were male.

PlausibleSuit · 19/11/2021 09:31

Personal trainer here (I don't work in gyms now, but I have done).

Part of the problem is that most gyms aren't big enough, don't have enough equipment (or not enough of the equipment that people want to use), and take on too many members, meaning the gyms are overcrowded at busy times.

There's a fuzzy area of unspoken etiquette here. It's OK and expected to let someone know that you'd like to use the station they're on, or wait near a particular station if you're waiting to use it, especially if the gym is small and/or busy.

But this is a hangover from the old spit 'n' sawdust bodybuilding gyms where the weightlifters all knew each other and having those conversations was easier. I do think it's become a bit passive-aggressive in modern big box gyms where no one knows anyone else.

You do get daydreamers sitting out their between-set rest times holding up equipment needlessly. I remember going over to check someone was OK because she'd been sat motionless on the shoulder press for almost 15 minutes. Got an earful for my trouble because she was 'extended resting' apparently (which isn't a thing but hey ho).

However it is not OK to be intimidating or rude and I certainly pursued a no-tolerance policy of that when I was working on the gym floor. If someone complained about a member being pushy or intimidating we would always follow it up.

If your gym's any good from a member relations perspective, have a chat with the gym manager or membership team and get it logged.

Spiceup · 19/11/2021 09:36

Forcing you off is a separate issue and completely unreasonable, but letting it be known that they're waiting/next in the queue is reasonable otherwise how would they get their turn?

It's just like children waiting for a turn on the swing, surely?

LolaSmiles · 19/11/2021 09:38

Waiting near a machine is reasonable, harassing someone to get off a machine is unreasonable.

Aisforharlot · 19/11/2021 09:49

I'd say, 'I'm done in 2 sets, I'll tag you', and give a pointed look til they wandered off. But some people are too rude for that to work I guess.

Once had a guy literally grab a piece of equipment my mum and I were using together... he huffed off when I made it clear we were not less important than him. I think a few gym guys thing 'women doing stuff, not as important as my vital manly workout', but they are twats.

IWishToAnswerInTheAffirmative · 19/11/2021 09:57

What does “I’ll tag you” mean?

Insert1x20p · 19/11/2021 09:58

Agree gyms are twat magnets but if someone was obviously waiting I’d tell them what I’m doing and ask them if they wanted to work in with me, especially if the rest periods are quite long.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/11/2021 10:01

Yes, intimidating. If I were new and not very confident it would probably put me off of going back.

I’d talk to the manager about it.

linerforlife · 19/11/2021 10:03

Ummm sorry but YAB a bit U. It's normal to wait near a machine you want to use and normal to ask how long someone will be. I also sometimes ask how long someone's rest times are? Because often men (don't know why) have rest periods that are minutes long and I can do my sets in their rest times. This is quite common in my gym.

Ddraigmawr · 19/11/2021 10:09

Ha! I had started a superset with a machine and free weight the other day and a guy came up to use the machine. He had put his stuff the other side to 'reserve' it and I hadn't noticed. My free weight part didn't take long so I wasn't going to be hogging the machine.

He said 'oh are you using this?' very politely. I very politely told him I hadn't noticed his stuff next to it and that since I had only just started I would move to a different part of my routine and come back to the machine when he'd finished.

It was a bit awkward and I was mildly irritated at having to deviate from my plan but I thought it was the fairest thing to do.

The gym is owned by a woman and she fosters a friendly, relaxed and cooperative atmosphere.

All the guys have been friendly (not too friendly) and respectful.

Cryalot2 · 19/11/2021 10:23

Gosh op thats totally unacceptable. I would speak to the manager and make a formal complaint.

I use our brilliant council gym and there are always staff about. There are plenty of machines . If there was someone on something I would use something else. No way would you be allowed to set things on machines for using later. You respect others and wipe down your machine after use.

Op you have as much right as anyone to use the machines so turn your headphones up and ignore anyone. Mention to the manager and tell them how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

IntermittentParps · 19/11/2021 10:25

Talk to the gym. If they care, they'll think about how to deal with it.

If someone was standing waiting with hands on hips, I'd say with a PA smile, 'I'm going to be 10 (or whatever) more minutes' and then turn my attention away from them.

Pazuzu · 19/11/2021 10:58

Phones are a plague in gyms. I'd much rather go a circuit training place where no one (of either sex) gets the chance to be a dick.

Most normal gym staff haven't got a clue. They don't watch out for idiots nor do they watch out for people who don't have a clue what they are doing.

PlausibleSuit · 19/11/2021 12:31

@linerforlife

Ummm sorry but YAB a bit U. It's normal to wait near a machine you want to use and normal to ask how long someone will be. I also sometimes ask how long someone's rest times are? Because often men (don't know why) have rest periods that are minutes long and I can do my sets in their rest times. This is quite common in my gym.
It's not specific to men but when you do strength-orientated training with extremely heavy weights (the type of training where each set is typically no more than five reps) the appropriate rest period in-between sets can be up to three minutes.
Stellaris22 · 19/11/2021 12:44

I go to a budget (but brilliant) gym, but go when it’s quieter to avoid this. I have had people ask ‘how many sets’ I have left, which is fine by me. Usually it’s on a machine where there is only one (eg leg press or hip abductor), I don’t mind, because I’ve been in the situation where I want to use a machine but have to wait. I feel really uncomfortable waiting as I don’t want to pressure people, so do something else wh8le I wait.

But being rude and forceful is not acceptable and needs reporting. It’s important to report these things, the other day I was using the incline press and two very loud guys were saying how they ‘love watching women squat’, staff can’t do anything about members behaviour if it’s not reported and they’ll want people to feel safe and comfortable.

FinallyHere · 19/11/2021 13:33

What does “I’ll tag you” mean?

Most machines are used to do a set of so many repetitions, with breaks between the 'efforts'. Tagging means using the machine during your test period.

I'd be happy to do this with someone I know well, but not really with a stranger.

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