Am I being unreasonable

[Jasmine1970]

To feel grumpy about doing chores? Im a single mum and often my life seems so full of boring chores. I get grumpy and resentful, sometimes so much so that I can’t be bothered doing them.

Am I ungrateful with a bad attitude to my full life ? Do I need to pull myself together and get on with things? Im 51, is this a mid life crisis ?

I’ve got two kids, one a uni, one at home doing a levels and I rent out a few properties. This means I switch between housework, cooking, school run, admin, book keeping, diy and maintenance jobs, sometimes there’s a trip to the recycling centre just to jazz things up a bit. Life seems to be a cycle of crappy jobs. Today I put off painting some shelves … It’s all so mind numbingly boring.

I’ve trained myself, through meditation, not to think when I wake up, so I can get myself out of bed at 6.15 to my yoga before another day of drudgery begins.

I am very very lucky, to have a nice home, good health, great kids, financial security and now at 51 a bit of time to myself which I use to do my art work which I love.

Gratitude helps to lift my spirits but fails to motivate me to tidy up. The only time I can manage to do housework is one morning a week when my cleaner is here and we do it together.
Maybe it’s resentment or burn out after the years of being a sole parent and sole provider. I make a cooked breakfast before I do the school run then do my best to make the family fortune. Somehow I do all this, but mostly fail to fit in the housework. When I set myself a days to catch up on the worst chores I can typically end up feeling miserable and getting nothing done,

I am considering getting rid of most of my things, as I’ve heard this will reduce the tidying up. I’ve just filled my freezer with hand cooked ready meals on a friends recommendation. Considering batch cooking once.a week.

I don’t have family nearby and not many friends as in the past I didn’t have much time for friends and socialising. So there is no one to help me and i would need to get another job if I’m to pay for more help.

Empathy, thoughts, tips and advice please

The only time I can manage to do housework is one morning a week when my cleaner is here and we do it together.

Here's a thumping great chore you never need do again - housework!

Tidy up for your cleaner of course - but don't join her next time. Let her give you the professional service you hired her for. In fact, ask her to come twice a week, so your house is always looking reasonable. That way, you have to motivate yourself to tidy, but someone else does all the drudge.

You're doing well, getting up at 6.15 to get some good self-care in with yoga, then multitasking all day. Do you have a job, or is property rental your full time work?

It sounds like you're in a rut & maybe need to find a way to carve out more time for your art. Would a session with a life coach or Marie Kondo type person help? It might galvanise you into rethinking how you approach dealing with the drudgery.

Sell your rental properties. MN disaproves.

One option is get a job then pay for maintenance person, up hours from cleaner etc. New challenge, change of routine.
Cut back what you can eg school run they can get bus. Or teach them to drive then they can go to tip etc for you.
Cooking. Have easy stuff you like. Maybe try hello fresh etc for a change. It’s just you and 17/18 yr old so take turn to cook.

YABU. "then do my best to make the family fortune."
Your 'career' is being a landlord, and you're unhappy with the work involved? Sell your properties and get another job

Lol good one!!

Than you, charging buck, great advice.
The properties are pretty much a full time job. But I hope in the future to sell them so I can do other work.

Dixie, I’ve got six more months of the school run, then I’ll be able to get on with other things. Everything will get easier abd o can take on other work.

Privilege.

I thought this was going to be a post from a mother of small children and I was going to tell you it gets easier when they’re teens because they can do so much for themselves and do cooking and cleaning etc. I’m not sure why your DC don’t? And why you are doing a school run for someone aged 17/18?

Why are you doing cleaning WITH your cleaner? Surely you've hired her to do it for you?

Also sell the other properties if managing them is stressing you out. You say you have financial security.

Any why on earth can't your youngest get themselves to school on the bus?

Lack of motivation is a frequent menopause symptom. I've struggled with a sense of drudgery and repetition during these years. I use a housework app, which sounds dire, but it actually takes all thinking out of it - today X task is due and it helps me keep on top of things.

I think your life sounds quite nice actually- you're in charge of your own work, which is a big plus, don't have money worries, kids nearly grown up successfully. If you're good at meditation, maybe focus on appreciating the positives?? (I don't know much about meditating!!) And try to find time for something new where you could make friends.

When do you have fun? Socialise, relax, entertainment etc.?

How much housework does one adult and one teen create? Do you have high standards?

Make time for friends. Join the local WI - you will make friends there.

Why are you doing school runs for a 17/18 year old? Why cook breakfast every morning if you don't want to? Don't like being a landlord- then sell up and get a job. And just let your cleaner do the cleaning

School is the other side of town and two bus journeys away. It’s a pain, but will be over soon.
Yes. You’re right, standards are too high, I overdo it, feel shattered, then get resentful and, with me, this shows itself in a grumpy me who doesn’t want to tidy up yet again.

Things can get messy very quickly, small house, messy people, cooking proper food. running business, office in kitchen, art projects, teens and builders coming and going.

Point taken, I do need to lower standards, ask for more help, rearrange my life and make time for some fun.

Yes, I’m menopausal, hence the yoga, healthy food, meditation, to keep the anxiety, moodiness headaches at bay.

I am doing some other work, which I need to do to pay the bills and will be stepping this up gradually as I can.

I am privileged and I know Im being unreasonable. But it is a problem we all face at moments of the week when we just get fed up with the most tedious jobs in our life. As parents we do a lot of tedious stuff because we are devoted to our families. Occasionally this resentful voice pipes up and says ‘why am I left to do all this c**p?’. Especially on the sat the teenagers are being particularly ungrateful. I’m not very proud of myself. I feel the good parent keeps this resentment in check. I chose to have kids after all.

I listen to podcasts when I'm doing boring repetitive chores, makes em a breeze

As parents we do a lot of tedious stuff because we are devoted to our families. Occasionally this resentful voice pipes up and says ‘why am I left to do all this cp?’. Especially on the sat the teenagers are being particularly ungrateful. I’m not very proud of myself. I feel the good parent keeps this resentment in check. I chose to have kids after all.

So ... you chose to have kids.
You don't have to choose to show them that mum runs around after their shit like they're still toddlers.

Stop feeling resentful. You know it's supressed anger, right?
Lose your shit with the young adults & get them to step the fuck up! It's doing them no favours to send them out into the world not knowing how to run a home. Or expecting their DP's to pick up after them.