To think you shouldn't be claiming benefits if you've just bought a house outright?

[coffeerevelsrock]

I've posted about this before- ex paid noting in CM for years then about £140ish per month for a couple of years and has them about 3 nights per fortnight but buys them NOTHING. Two dc.

He recently inherited enough to buy a £200k house in cash. There may well be more money, I don't know though it couldn't be that much more don't think. I have to pay him £10k as marriage equity in about 10 years.

I just got a letter to say his CM contributions will now be nil as he's on benefits??? I just can't believe it. I feel sick. I don't rely on the money but how much of a kick in the teeth can it be? and surely he shouldn't be able to claim benefits with that money?

I've rung CM and because he's on benefits and has them at least 52 nights per year there's nothing they can do. He has arrears too which he could have paid.

Can I report him somewhere? He's ignoring my messages. I want to email him mum or something. I'm off work with stress and this has tipped me over.

Although I agree with many posters that people should be allowed to use a windfall to buy a house within reason without it affecting benefits am I really in the minority in thinking a father who has £200,000 should pay the child maintenance he owes before spending money on himself? The OP is left with funding more than her fair share of the cost of raising their children out of her wages while he gets the full benefit of his £200,000 income. Whether within the rules or not, it doesn't seem right he can get out of his financial obligations to his children and keep all this money for himself. The OP really isn't being unreasonable to feel it's not fair on her, it's not like she can similarly spend more of her income on a bigger house as a nest egg for herself and then ask the state to pay child tax credits because she no longer has enough left over to feed her kids and yet this is kind of what the father is doing - leaving her or the state to pay for his children so he can keep all of his windfall for himself.

@Kebabandchipsplease So what if someone already owns a house outright, then gets made redundant. Should they not be allowed to claim benefits as they own a house? Of course they should, and this is the same situation.

It is different if you are already a homeowner and suddenly need to claim benefits. That’s a change in circumstances. I think OP’s ex was already on benefits when he had over £200k in his bank?

He has form for 'outsourcing' the financial responsibility of his children to you.

This is unfair. But nothing you do will change this. He is solely focussing on him and his needs- whereas you are focussing on the children and you. You are doing more.

You mentioned you were on stress leave from your job- and that you had to keep in full time employment. Focus on you and your mental health- you need to be selfish here. Being annoyed with him isnt going to change him and it seems to be causing more frustration with you.

Be proud of where you are now and where you can go from here. You will succeed.

wait he bought a house he doesnt live in?

so its a secondary resdicence-surely thats classed as an asset because hes already got somewhere to live

Give the authorities all the info and let them deal with it. It doesn't sound above board.

@ClitorisAllsorts actually, there are different types of MS. Progressive, secondary progressive, and some which are not debilitating. Some affect mood, eyesight, and others is physical. They have actually done autopsies on people who never knew they had it and found it.

This is what I don't know. If he is actually his sister's carer then I can't see that changing so he will still mainly live in the other city. I believe he keeps a house in my city so that he can have a base here to see the dc. But he's never there apart from when the dc are here (about 3-4 nights per fortnight, less over the summer). Buying this house saves him having to rent somewhere here and means he keeps his money safe. He is utterly shit with money and were it not tied up in a house it would be pissed up the wall in months - or a few short years. He knows this hence buying the house, saving on rent, and keeping the money safe until he needs it in a few years when he plans to move abroad. I don't know this for a fact but I'm pretty certain.

The thing is, I wouldn't want to shop him (if he has done wrong)- him having a base here is good for the dc and for me. He's shit but he's their dad and it least it gives me a break. Also, if he's his sister's carer - fair enough. What isn't fair is him making no contribution financially to the dc and me effectively subsidising his life choices. He could tell me not to worry about the £10k I 'owe', or he could make a contribution. Instead he's having his cake and eating it while telling me I'm the selfish one!

Sorry but your ex has MS, presumably multiple sclerosis. I don’t know how you can say he is unaffected. He is probably claiming benefits for ill health. I don’t know if it is still the case but insurers used to pay out life assurance if you had the diagnosis of MS.

He's had it 20 years and people are affected differently, plus there are some pretty effective ways of managing it now which seem to be working well for him. Gigs every week, holidays, plans to move abroad - he's not incapable.

@Malibuismysecrethome

Sorry but your ex has MS, presumably multiple sclerosis. I don’t know how you can say he is unaffected. He is probably claiming benefits for ill health. I don’t know if it is still the case but insurers used to pay out life assurance if you had the diagnosis of MS.

Yes - MS tends to count as a ‘critical illness’ for the purposes of Income Protection insurance

He is a disabled man. Presumably knows his own limits as to whether he can work or not, and it's not your place or anybody else's to assume he can. Having MS can make even the simplest task hard, and it can often take days to recover from having one single busy day. It's also largely invisible. You aren't going to see any pain/fatigue/weakness he may be struggling with. Comparing him to others with MS is unreasonable and unfair.
You're his EX. You aren't going to see his daily struggles and nor should he have to justify to you for you to make your judgements on what he should/shouldn't do.
Disabled people are also allowed to enjoy themselves/have a social life. That doesn't mean he's capable of holding down a full time job. You've said yourself you're currently off work with stress. I'm not sure why you can see that it's necessary for you but assume somebody with a constant physical disability should work.

That being said, yes he should pay for his children and hopefully you can come to some sort of fair arrangement. Everything else you've said is very unreasonable.

i would look into it op as a secondary residence even if it is to see the dc it could be argues he could just take them back to hs main residence once a fortnight instead

its an extra asset that hes probably not declaring to the cms or hmrc

Why isn't it law that inheritance is only released if CMS arrests are cleared from said inheritance. Surely that's an easy step for probate to include?